WHY WE WILL WITNESS THE END OF THE WORLD IN OUR LIFETIME

Today I lost a big account. It hurt, it really hurt. It still hurts. It is a major set back. And it apparently has some sort of company wide implications as the higher ups had budgeted using the revenue for that account. So it hurts and feels like shit all at the same time.

But in the big scheme of things, it doesn't matter. But it hurts and feels bad all the same. I found out I lost this account this morning, so I had all day to think about it. And not just about losing the account, but I thought about everything. About my job. About my life. About living in this state. About our country. About the Sudan. About Iraq. About North Korea. About Spanish people. About the world. About the universe. About God. About American Idol. About my plans for our Jets website. About playing tackle football on Sunday mornings. About my crazy poems that I have stored away. About the book I always wanted to write.

I thought about quitting life. And it is not that I want to quit life really. What I really want is to be in life more. I think I do at least. You know, if you think really hard you can really see why people go crazy. I might have done too much thinking today. What I really want to do is stand in front of a crowd of people and discuss topics that I am an expert on. And I want to get paid $5,000 a session. And they have to pick up the air fare and the hotel while I stay there.

I say $5,000 because I feel that is a fair rate. I don't want to be greedy. I also think it would be cool to help out some poor people in India. I know a group that has gone there and the people love to sing songs at night around the camp fire. They could do it for hours. So you can sing like, "This little light of mine..." over and over and the locals will love it. And I heard that due to their Cass (or cast or whatever it is called) the light skinned Indians are higher up the chain. And white people are like gods. So if a white person touches a dark skinned Indian, it makes that Indian feel great that such a privileged person would associate with such scum of the earth. I would touch all the dark skinned people all the time. Because, what do I care.

But I also thought about starting a men's flag football league today. I was thinking back to my years of spending Sunday mornings at my parents house on the phone trying to round up guys to play that day. And I loved it. It was a time that I was truly happy. And I think I could probably pull it off. But then I tell myself that I would probably not make any money doing it. But then I feel bad that I feel I have to make money at everything I do. But I say to myself it is only worth my time if I can make a few extra bucks doing it. Then I feel bad again.

I really thought about how there is all the crazy shit going on in the world today. The chances are really great that there will be some sort of a smart bomb or whatever going off in a mall or even in downtown Manhattan in the next few years. So what the fuck, why not start the football league? If I am going to be killed, I might as well be doing something I enjoy.

When you really let yourself think, all sorts of stuff flies through. Today I was thinking to myself, 'Why do all black people name their kids normal names and spell them wrong?' Like Kevan Barlow of the Jets. Or Jordin whatever the fuck her name is from American Idol. I know an African American couple that named their kid Fill instead of Phil. If black people want to be different with their kids names they should stick with Keyshawn or Laquisha or whatever. But as I was thinking of this I had a flashback of when I had to write down my son's name for his birth certificate just after he was born.

I had the pen in my hand and the social worker standing impatiently waiting for me to fill out the paper at the hospital. I felt the pressure of a sinking U-boat. "How the fuck to you spell Benjamin? Ben-jer-man." I sounded out. "Is their an R in that name? Is it Benjiman? Is there a MAN at the end?" I couldn't beleive it! I didn't think this part would have been left up to me. I look at my wife and she is out cold from giving birth. "Why don't you just put Ben? You know how to spell that." I finnally had to tell the social worker lady that I was blanking on the spelling and that it had been a long day and would appreciate if she would be so kind as to help a brother out with some spelling.

It hit me today, that these African American men who have these babies go through the same thing. Except they don't have the balls to ask the social worker for a little spelling help.

As for the world coming to an end in our lifetime. It will. But I am not willing that to happen or anything. I was looking at my 4 year old boy the other day and thought to myself that this little guy will probably be in the Middle East in 15 years. I might be right there with him. Who knows. Actually, if he does go, I am going too.

But the world is so fucked up. Washington is so corrupt. I am not even proud to be an American these days. There is so much to worry about like trans fats, suicide bombers, child predators, cancer, heart attacks, root canals, etc.

So I feel I am having a bit of an epiphany. My Jets website will be underway soon. And I think I am also going to start that football league next Fall too. Who cares if I make any money doing those things. I need to start to have fun. Maybe I will break out my crazy poems and mail them to people anonymously. Perhaps I will start that book and title it, "Why We Will Witness The End of the World in our Lifetime. Who the hell knows, maybe I will have another kid and name him Apple Jax.

I don't know fellas. Life is short. Remember laughing our asses off in grade school and being sent to the hall with our desks? I remember laughing a laugh that I haven't laughed since then. Why is everything so fucking serious? It is not me. I am not this serious. Maybe outwardly I am, but inwardly I don't fucking care. So guess what? All fucking three of you are going to be getting some weird shit coming to your mailboxes and I will deny it to the death if confronted.

I hope you enjoyed this blog.

PS: What are your mailing addresses?

Looks Like Gore is Full of Shit

POWER: GORE MANSION USES 20X AVERAGE HOUSEHOLD; CONSUMPTION INCREASE AFTER 'TRUTH'

See link in title for more on how much Al Gore cares about the environment...I am so sick of the hypocrites from the left. Say what you want about the conservatives. They are usually what they seem. These slimy bastards have you thinking they care but I know they most certainly do not...

Tell me does this picture make you think Hillary is from New York? If so, you are probably a spoon fed liberal who believes in Global Warming and that the War on Terror is a lie.

If not you realize that people like this hate America. They call FBI agents pigs with their ugly daughter in tow. They are the party of carpet bagging liars. How many states do the Kennedy's hail from in the north east that they have a senator in three of them??? All they represent is bad for America or did you think Hollywood has our best interests in mind? I hate the Yankees but I really loathe the Democrat party (yeah, I said "Democrat" party). If you want to live in a socialist country where we foot the bill for every lazy piece of crap who wants to do nothing, then vote Democrat. If not, vote for America & Vote Republican...and look at the real Hillary and laugh.

My humble take on the Oscars ...

Well, another Oscars Award Show has come and gone. And no, unfortunately my fav girl Beynoce didn't get nominated. However, her larger (and I would say less talented) co-star, Jennifer Hudson not only got nominated but won the damn thing. I have not seen the movie "Dreamgirls" and since I am a movie fan (albeit mainly a rental one now) I definitely want to check it out to see what all the fuss is about. My only question is, where does Hudson go from here? Are there that many roles for a chubby african-american women who can sing? She ain't Whoppie, and that isn't saying much, trust me. (The Associate, anyone? or that ridic movie where she coaches the Knicks?)

Regardless, I think Beyonce must be pissed, because she is hot, an aspiring actress, and the girl can sing. At least she has 'Hova to keep her warm at nights. (Am I gay or what? I'm just trying to be hip).

Anyway, I'm glad Martin Scorsese finally won best director, he deserved it for Goodfellas but hey, they gave one to him. I liked "The Departed" but it wasn't his best movie. Everyone in the Departed, save the female lead, was pretty damn good. I like Alec Baldwin as a supporting character. (Check out "30 Rock" just for him, it's actually worth it).

Babel didn't win much, and I don't think it deserved to. I rented it last week and the stories that linked everyone were complete bullshit. I liked most of the performances, (the Japanese girl's character was annoying, was it because she was a deaf mute or was it because she had a very hairy vag? Not sure, either way I'm an asshole), but the standout for me was the Mexican nanny, who seemed to capture the desperation the picture was trying to demonstrate with all of the characters. I like Brad Pitt as an actor and I thought he was good in Babel. Although nothing beats his roles in "True Romance," "Kalifornia" and "Fight Club", but I digress.

Helen Mirren always seems to win, her or that other Brit Dame Judy Dench. They own the Oscars. Kate Winslet seems to keep it real, and I like that about her. Penelope Cruz still hasn't learned the English language, and it's fucking annoying. I have no problem with her being from another country, but she should stick to movies where she speaks her native tongue. It works out for her (oscar nom for "Volver").
I think Leo should have been nominated for "The Departed" and who the hell even saw "Blood Diamond." The only reason why I know about "conflict diamonds" is because of Kanye West, but anyway. I haven't seen the "Last King of Scotland" but I'm sure Forrest kicks ass. I can't wait for "The Shield" to start again. I bet they are shooting their loads now that their guest star has a fucking Oscar under his belt. I guess the Academy missed Chiklis' turn as the stone guy in the "Fantastic Four." Ohhhh, are people mad at me because I don't know the stone guy's real name? Well, it doesn't bother me, because I'm doing an Oscar blog and I didn't see half of the fucking movies that were nominated.

Speaking of movies I didn't see, "An Inconvenient Truth" won, and Al Gore looked pretty pleased with himself. He seems to take great pleasure that the world is being destroyed and he can say "I told you so" to all those people who weren't listening to him. Good for you, Al. There is talk of him being nominated for a Nobel Prize. My question is, would people love him as much if he were president? I doubt it. It's a tough gig, somebody is always going to hate you. Unfortunately, the current prez is going to take us into WW III when he starts fucking with Iran, but that's a topic for another blog, again, I digress.

I was surprised that Eddie Murphy didn't win the Oscar for best supporting actor, he seemed to be a shoe-in. I thought Alan Arkin was great in "Little Miss Sunshine" (as was that movie) and maybe they gave it to him for sticking around in the biz so long. I also heard that the Academy was upset with Eddie because some of his recent movies or material or something was homophobic. Kind of a bullshit reason to fuck the guy over. I mean, I'm not homophobic or against gays, but aren't they looking at the performance? I mean, they fucking love Roman Polanski, and he fucking raped a little girl.

Anyway, I thought "Borat" deserved the Oscar for best screenplay, but alas, it was not meant to be. I just wanted to see Sasha's speech.

I don't have much else, except I guess I have to see a bunch of movies, including "Pan's Labyrinth". It looks pretty interesting.

Oh yes, over the weekend I rented "World Trade Center" and "United 93" off of Cablevision. I thought they were both well done. I was actually more impressed with "United 93." It was a powerful flick. WTC was nicely done, especially coming from a guy who likes to stir shit up (O. Stone) but United just felt, ... I don't know. I mean, I cried at the end of United 93, and I only cry at certain movies, most of them being sports-related (not Rudy, but put on the end of Field of Dreams and I'm going to start choking up).
So, I guess my recommendation is to see United 93. It was nominated for Best Director. It made me proud to be an American and it also demonstrated how everyday people could be heroes. There were a lot of heroes that awful day. But anyway, I'm not going to end this blog on a down note.

If you didn't see the Oscar show, I suggest you find the song Will Ferrell (i.e., Unruly's spitting image and personality), Jack Black and John C. O'Reilly did about comedians at Oscar time, it was hilarious!!! I'm sure it's on Youtube or whatever. Robert Downey Jr. had some self-deprecating humor which I like to see in celebrities as well. As far as Ellen's hosting went, she was like a PG version, but it was fine. The show was way too long and I don't understand how they can't just speed it up, but whatever.

Finally, I really wish Hollywood would make some better sports movies. I know they are all formulaic by nature, but that doesn't mean they can't be good! I can't remember the last good sports movie I saw. (And I'm talking since 2000). 61* was great. I really liked "Any Given Sunday" too. Other than that, you have to go old school Hoosiers, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, etc. Hopefully next year some sports movies will get nominated for an Oscar (Right.... like anyone on the Academy has ever had a hot dog and a beer in Shea Stadium!!!!! or even Dodger Stadium for that matter).

Anyway, speaking of sports, Go Mets! First spring training game this Wednesday! And this just in...El Duque admits that he maybe is a little older than 40! I guess he lost his birth information when he came over on the raft! I'm so pleased this is our No. 2! We don't need anymore starters, we have Chan Ho Suck and some other old guy! (No, not Glavine, he is determined and focused to have a good 300 win season, and I like that).

Baseball Trivia

I know a lot of people are getting baseball fever with spring training practically underway. So I thought I would change gears a little and provide a little baseball trivia. Whoever wins will win a prize. And this is actually tied to the Jets because this is a question that former Jet coach Bill Parcells came up with in this Jets book I have.

Here's the question: In one inning of baseball, can a team get two triples, two doubles, two singles without scoring a run? The answer is yes, but I would like you to describe how it would happen.

HINT: It gets a little techinical with the last out but it all scores out legitimately.

Good luck!

-Unruly Jets Fan

I love my Ipod.

Seriously, I know this has nothing to do with sports, but I love my freaking Ipod. I know Mook is going to tell me that MP3 players are better or that all the Japanese kids own them so they are cooler or some other nonesense, but Apple really came through on this invention.

I just have a regular one (mini-Ipod, they don't even make them anymore) but it really helps me exercise. I don't need a fucking TV screen or to watch movies on the thing, that makes no sense to me. That is about all I have to say on this subject.

Regardless, I think this is Mook's imaginary girlfriend, Marissa Miller, listening to her fancy Ipod, which is apparently the size of her vag.

Sorry Unruly, just trying to keep people interested in our blog in the off-season with a little T and A.

Go Jets!

Just a few (dozen) notes

Boy, football is already making news. Soon, the draft and free agency will whet all our appetites for the 2007 season. The exact dates of next years games haven't been set yet but my source inside the NFL released to me the opponents of all the teams in the 2007 season. The fiesty Jets finished 10-6 and along came the harder schedule. Next year the AFC East plays the AFC Central and NFC East. Yikes, good luck repeating that record. Though, in a quirky circumstance, the Giants will host the Jets, yet its a home game for both teams. THAT is a game we should somehow go to, I need to come back to Jersey for that, whenever it is. But I digress,...

The Jets play the following teams at HOME:
Buffalo, Miami, New England,
Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Kansas City, Philly and Washington

And these are the AWAY opponents:
Buffalo, Miami, New England,
Baltimore, Cincinatti, Tennessee,
Dallas, New York Giants

The home games look pretty good, if you can win all but one home game and go 4-4 on the road you'll be in the playoffs again. But man, that's a tough road schedule. Baltimore, Cincy, Dallas and New England are going to be rough. Maybe Buffalo too, if they play there late in the season with that weather. The Giants game will be rowdy, but there will be just as many Giants fans so its not a real away game.

The Boys in Blue have a decidedly EASIER schedule after floundering to an 8-8 finish after a 6-2 start. Despite showing life in their tight playoff loss to the Eagles, the G-men have a good chance to go 10-6, provided they make the right moves with free agency and the draft. My wish list is down to OT Leonard Davis and maybe a running back, then draft all depth this year, and CB.

Giants HOME games:
Dallas, Philly, Washington,
Green Bay, Minnesota, San Fran, New England, New York Jets

Giants AWAY games:
Dallas, Philly, Washington,
Chicago, Detroit, Atlanta, Buffalo, Miami (in England Oct. 28th)

I would take the NFC West over the AFC Central any day. I would hope for a strong 12-4 from that schedule but I'm going to play it realistic and say 10-6. It all depends on offensive line and running back additions. I think Tiki's absence is going to be felt big-time. I would like the Giants to go to a Tom Brady/New England attack and spread the field with Plax, Toomer, Shockey, Carter and Sinorice Moss. Three and four receiver sets and then run between the tackles (especially if we get Leonard Davis or Max Starks). Short passes and steady runs of Jacobs and a yet unknown back.

Before you GangGreeners get too steamed I will discuss non-Giants related things now.

There is a good deal of new coaches appearing in the 2007 season as well, which generally bodes well for the teams with stability at the coaching positions. My predictions:

The Dallas Cowboys hired Wade Phillips as their new head coach. Wade is a defensive-minded coach, the son of legendary NFL coach Bum Phillips and expert at the 3-4 defense which Dallas employs. I think this was a solid hire for the Cowboys, I don't see their defense dropping off much. I think the offense will be a different story though. I think Terry Glenn is disgruntled. Romo is decent and Jason Witten will challenge Shockey and Algae Crumpler big-time for the Pro Bowl next year as NFC tight end. Romo loves throwing to Witten and he has great hands.
TO will destroy this team though, I don't think Phillips has the size of personality and iron grip of control the way Parcells did. Terry Glenn's body language looked bad, if he wants out he will be gobbled up, the best 'possession' receiver in the NFL in my opinion.
Cowboys take a step back, 9-7.

The Atlanta Falcons went out on a real limb and hired a college coach, sneaking Bobby Petrino out of Louisville. Something smells like the Falcons could put together a good season with their soft strength of schedule next season, despite knowing whether or not Petrino can command the respect and get the execution from a very talented team. Mike Vick is always capable of getting 8 wins by himself a season, can the rest of the team (especially the receivers) win another six when Vick can't do it alone?
I think the Falcons go something like 6-10 with an early-season swoon as they get adjusted.

What is wrong with Arizona? I think firing Denny Green was a mistake, though they got a good football guy in Ken Whisenhunt from Pittsburgh. The Cardinals were one or two good offensive linemen from being consistently competitive. If they can get a run game the Cards are dangerous in their division. And you know that a Cowher guy like Whisenhunt knows how to run the ball. I think, finally, Arizona gets that 9-7, 10-6 season this year. Seattle and St. Louis are looking older, though the 49'ers are an up-and-coming force as well. First round patsies if they make the playoffs though.

In Miami, Cam Cameron is a good choice. He is in a tough division though with Belichick, Belichick desciple Mangini, and Dick Jauron in Buffalo. Plus, the Dolphins have a hell of a lot of questions at quarterback, offensive line and with that aging but still stout defense. I see a scrappy 7-9.

Oh my God, Oakland. Lane Kiffin? He looked like was gonna barf at his press conference. Could they surprise people? They have a top-tier defense actually and a great Defensive Coordinator in Rob Ryan. But if they can't run the ball...and at times last year that offensive line looked horrendous, and quarterback? If the Raiders were smart they would trade their draft pick for more picks and pick up someone savvy via free agency, Jeff Garcia, Jake Plummer, etc. If not, and they pick that kid from LSU at quarterback it could be a 3 or 4 win season for Oakland again.

I thought Pittsburgh was kind of foolish by not hiring from within with guys like Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm waiting in the wings. I think they got a good guy who will work hard in Mike Tomlin from Minnesota. But he will be new to the head coaching position and their will be speed bumps along the way. He is inheriting a good, solid team though so if he coaches to his players system and strengths and doesn't try to re-invent the wheel the Steelers could vie for Division contention again in 2007. Man, the Steelers, Ravens and Bengals, that is a tough division to win. Steelers go 10-6, relying on a good defense and offensive leaders Hines Ward, Ben Roethlisberger and Willie Parker.

San Diego. What a team to walk in on. It actually has shades of the Dallas teams he coached on with Jimmy Johnson when the Cowboys were the Dynasty of the 90's. LT is without peer, Turner will develop the gamer Phillip Rivers and the corps of solid wideouts. Great O and D lines. If Turner can show some leadership the Chargers shouldn't take much of a step back, but somewhat because their schedule will be tough, 11-5.

DRAFT FEVER: Unruly's Mock Draft

We are only two months away from the NFL draft. Jet fans should be excited as Gang Green can improve their team right away if they draft smartly because they have three picks in the first two rounds. As of today, the Jets have one pick in the first round at the 25 spot, and will be drafting twice in the second round with the 38th and the 57th pick.

There are a lot of experts chiming in and guru's performing mock draft's so I figured I'd jump in the action. It is almost impossible to pick but I actually have a good track record in prospecting good Jets and willing the Jets to actually pick them.

Back in the day, when Laverneas Coles was sitting out his senior season, I read an article about him in ESPN magazine. In that publication it talked about how he and then Florida State teamate Warrick Dunn got in trouble for taking clothes at a GAP store. The story described how a fellow schoolmate worked there and handed the clothes to them. Turns out that Warrick was involved in the scam, Coles was only in the car and they got caught. Warrick got off with a slap since he was the star and Coles was suspended for his senior year. In this article it talked about how Coles was so pissed and he was training like a mad man in hopes to make a splash in the scouting reports. And he ran a 4.2 fourty, turning all sorts of heads at the combine. At any rate, I wanted Coles so bad to be a Jet and I did the Jedi Mind Trick on Parcells and he ended up drafting him. I did the same for Pennington.

I think there are some good prospects the will be available around our picks so sit back Jet Fans and enjoy the next few paragraphs.

FIRST ROUND: PICK NUMBER ONE(25): First, with pick number 25 the New York Jets pick Duane Jarrett, Wide Receiver, USC. (Crazy Jet fans in the crowd go nuts) I think Jarrett might still be available at the 25 spot. If he is, I think the Jets must pick him up. He is 6'5" and lightning fast. The Jets need a good, big receiver. They can't pass on him if he is still there. If he is gone then I think the Jets go with Jarvis Moss, DE from Florida. Another guy who is too good to pass up. I know we need a defenive lineman, but since a stud like this is around you have to pick him up.

SECOND ROUND: PICK NUMBER TWO(38): I see the Jets picking up Marcus McCauley, CB from Fresno State. The younger brother of Home Alone's McCauly Caulken, McCauley is getting fabulous props from scouting reports. The only down side is he played the practically division 1A Fresno State. Another guy who I would actually would prefer is Ben Grubbs, OG from Auburn. Our guards are suspect if not old. So he would be a great addition to sandwich between D'Brick and Mangold. Plus he is already destined for greatness in the NFL with his name alone, Ben Grubbs.

SECOND ROUND: PICK NUMBER THREE(57): Here's where it gets a little interesting as there are quite a few hot picks available at this point. I gather the Jets would go for a running back. Michael Bush, RB from Louisville is still available here. He is pretty big and a bruiser type back and I hear he is the younger brother of last year's Hiesman Winner, Reggie. I actually like him. Or, Heisman winner Troy Smith, QB from Ohio State is still available. Remeber, when drafting, you always pick the best available player not neccessarily who you need. Another guy who is still available and who I think could immediately help the Jets is Brian Leonard, FB from Rutgers. He was only a FB this past year, to complement stud second year back Ray Rice. But Leonard could actually play RB. The Jets could put him right away at RB to go along with Leon Washington. And when we get a real RB, Leonard could move over the FB.

LATER ROUND PICKS: I also like the TE from Rutgers, Clarke Harris. He is 6'6" is a great blocker and has very soft hands.

I would really like the Jets to pick up Alan Branch, DT from Michigan but the only way we do that is if we sell some picks to move up. I don't see us doing that and I hope we don't. NFL teams are starting to cut people to free up some cap space. So we can fill that need in FA...hopefully.

We Offseason Scattershots

The Super Bowl was a terribly climactic event, more so this year more than others, for this writer was even more invested in the NFL season than ever. This season was expertly and prudently observed and analyzed in the highest of impartial journalism by these Fearsome Foursome of sports journalists on J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog.

Like the athletes and coaches themselves, we have signed off and gone on with the baptism of yet another long off-season. Take Fakehead for instance, he has jetted for the warmth of a resort in Mexico. Due to stalking, obsessive fans we can not reveal the exact location as this hustling reporter needs some well-earned time away. Before he resumes his duties in the summer as the J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog Training Camp Beat Writer ( and one hell of a schedule, juggling being a high-powered attorney in Morris County and commuting to Hofstra to report on the daily GangGreen goings-on), it is time to reflect on the many breaking stories brought public by his insider bombshells. For instance, it was Faker who outed the story of Saban and Alabama, TO's attempted suicide, Jake Plummer's penis size, Curtis Martin's upcoming Comeback Tour and the impending sale of the Seattle Seahawks to Michael Jackson.

What's shocking is that because he is as vulgar as the snow is deep in New York State (-THAT'S the shit I went through!!!), he is disqualified for the Pulitzer. But does Faker care? Nah, He revels in his alter-ego because by day he fights for the law and by night he skirts it with his vigilante brand of sports journalism. He deserves a great vacation. Here he is with his wife relaxing on a remote Mexican beach:


He's had that Speedo since high school, people. Most of you - and I'm refering to the legions of fans out there, you know who you are - are probably wondering where our most philosophical and warmongering voice has gone. As are we all, secretive as always is the ever-elusive Mookie McFly is in one of three places.

There were whispers that he embarked in a journey commemorating Jack Kerouac's On The Road, personally retracing Kerouac's experiences and footsteps. However, I have not seen him in Denver so either he's not here yet or he is not doing that at all. The second possibility is that he is in his basement feverishly working like an enslaved Chinaman on re-vamping the J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog. The third possibility is that he is at Mets Training Camp in Florida working undercover as an equipment manager/ urine sample collector and verifier.

Personally, I think McFly is at Number Two. The plot thickens however, because where is the Founding Father in All Of This? The UNRULY JETS FAN!

Aha! He is very close to Mookster, as he has him chained to his computer desk! With whip in hand, Unruly is pushing McFly to his very limits on improving this blog.

I am still on location in Colorado, but my vacation is coming. On April 3rd I will be headed across the Atlantic to visit our European friends. If I don't get too much human feces thrown in my face for being an American and Republican-looking, I am looking forward to meeting Other White People. Sure, I'll only make it out of Holland once or twice, but that is only because I am a World War II buff and absolutely HAVE to go somewhere where they fought. I'm thinking Eindhoven, sight of the 101st Airborne Operation Market Garden, depicted in the incredible series Band of Brothers. Or it could be Arnhem, where the 82nd Airborne lived through Hell's Highway, or the Ardennes Forest, scene of the Battle of the Bulge, Hitler's last gamble. I could go on and on. Anyway, it was a great season, keep checking in for regular reports and Mets talk! Overfloater out.

Pros vs. Joes - Maybe it's not a good idea.

Last night I was up watching TV and I came across "Pros vs. Joes" on Spike TV. It has three normal dudes face off against 4 former professional athletes in each of the athlete's sport.

Last night, Eric Dickerson was one of the "pros." Of course, with any stupid show, the "joes" are told to talk shit or they act cocky and the "pros" respond by talking shit and so on. So the challenge for the joes against ED was to tackle him. ED was to get a handoff and the joes had to stop him from going 20 yards and scoring. Well, 2 of the 3 joes couldn't touch him. However, the third JO knocked the shit out of ED, not once, but twice. The first time I think ED was actually surprised. However, the second time he tried to run the JO over and the JO laid him out. Then he stood over ED and talked shit.

My question is, does ED still need the money for this shit? Doesn't he make enough on his appearances and from signing shit? Why suit up in a stupid "Pros vs. Joes" uniform and get humiliated? It doesn't make sense to me. It cheapened him and sort of brought him down a notch in my book.

This show gets some good former athletes to appear for the challenges, Jerry Rice, Michael Irving, (who did well when I saw him), Tim Hardaway, Wade Boggs, and others. My question to them is, are they kidding themselves? If they win, big deal, they are facing nobodys. If they lose, they look like idiots. It makes it worse that the JOs get to talk shit and taunt them. Sure, they give it right back and win most of the time, but even losing once is embarrassing.

On the show I watched last night, Roy Jones Jr. boxed the JOs in one round and kicked their asses (they all got tired, one guy made it through the round without getting knocked down), some basketball player literally pushed and shoved them all to the ground to win a basketball rebounding challenge (if you ask me he cheated, I forget the pros's name) and then they had Vince Coleman, who looked awful, hit fly balls in an inexplicable challenge where the JOs had to catch a ball and throw it to a target. How is that a challenge for Vince? The sad part is, he couldn't even hit fly balls most of the time. Was that the only thing Vince could do? I do that for my baseball team. Either Vince's agent (I doubt he has one) was really smart or the show had some mercy and didn't want to totally humiliate him.

Regardless, while the show isn't too bad, I just think the athletes need to check themselves before they well... wreck themselves. It's not worth it. Keep the mystique and stay retired. The day Michael Jordan goes on that show is the day I stop worshiping him. I can see Eli Manning on there in about 2 years though. Him and Bernie Williams.

Go Mets. I still love you ED.

As Flavor Flav Would Have Dropped It

Daily and nightly I turn in football addiction to the Jets blog
after a toke on a dirty Gatorade and perhaps a sip of grog
and tune my mind to all and any things sports related
and especially that departing pigskin we have so consecrated
that it has displaced Sweet Baby Jesus on holy Sundays,
our last refuge of manly, vicarious thrill and skill before Mondays
hit with all the cold reality of another Colorado blizzard,
we swallow boss back-talk as a chicken does stones in its gizzard

So drudge along, ye grindstone nosers at beginning of the week
and as much you want to, you can't 3 months ahead take a peek
at the masterful madness of Mangini in the draft war room
or what high-excitement free agents you all soon hope to swoon

And as the training camp approaches with the heat of the summer
the hope and promise of the 2007 season doth percolate over

So long NFL, thanks for the multitude of the 2006 season
through the long exile of baseball, you know what we be needin'

The Inevitable Catches Up

Finally and fittingly, the Indianapolis Colts are Super Bowl Champions. Having the best quarterback in the game (if not of all time) and one of the best coaches in the league, it is good to see the Colts get all the analysts of their backs by sealing up a dominating Super Bowl victory. It seemed strange to think that a team as good as the Colts had never made it to the Super Bowl. We are so accustomed to them as a regular-season juggernaut and when the playoffs come around the wheels just come off. But the Colts were definitely handling the Super Bowl like a regular season game.

I did not panic when Chicago's Devin Hester returned the opening kickoff for a touchdown. To me, it was the splash in the face with cold water for the Colts, they seemed to wake up after that and say, 'Okay, this is for real.' Then of course the Colts pobed deep on their first offensive series which wound up as an interception for Chicago. At that point I was yelling at the screen, 'Run the ball and complete short passes and screens so that the safeties will play closer to the line of scrimmage!' and 'Take what they give you!'

It seemed that Tony Dungy and Offensive Coordinator Tom Moore heard me, because the Colts didn't wait till halftime to make adjustments, they did it right then and there and never looked back. Addai and Rhodes were key, and I actually thought that maybe Rhodes would get the MVP. And because Addai and Rhodes were having some success, sure enough the Chicago safeties came up and Peyton found Reggie Wayne on a 55-yard bomb. That touchdown toss to Wayne really demonstrated how big and strong Peyton is. With 300-pound DT Tank Johnson hanging on to his waist, Peyton stood tall and gunned the pass which found Wayne all by his lonesome beyond the Chicago safeties.

The first half was very sloppy by both teams, but that went to show that the conditions were not favoring the outside-playing Bears, the dome-home Colts were ready to play in anything. It became apparent in the second quarter that Chicago QB Rex Grossman was going to have one of those days. Two fumbled snaps, two interceptions, two sacks, little time to generate an offensive rythym. The Colts played it perfect, staying inbounds and featuring the running backs. You could tell by halftime that the vaunted Bears D was tired.

Chicago had the best defense in the NFL this season, but this seemed to me a bit of the syndrome Mike Tyson suffered from when he was a young, dangerous heavyweight. He couldn't get anyone to go more than two rounds with him before he knocked them out, conversely he wasn't in shape for a long fight. Same thing happened to the Bears. The Bears surrendered a league-low 250 yards per game. Probably also I would say it was rare for opposing offenses to run more than 50 plays at them in a game. The Colts had almost that total by halftime, finishing the game with 81 offensive plays to Chicago's 48. Staying inbounds kept the clock running and put the pressure squarely on Grossman to get the Bears back in it by throwing.

This is the exact situation the Colts D is built for. They want you to pass, the secondary does not get beat deep and the speedy front four just pin their ears back and go for the QB. Grossman and the Bears coaching staff did not seem experienced enough to go away from their gameplan, the Bears needed to stay committed to the run game, Thomas Jones was having some success early on. Then of course they brought in Cedric Benson but he went out after one play to get his vaginal juices drained and did not return. Moose Muhammad made some nice catches, but the rest of the receivers disappeared. I was thinking that the Bears would do a decent draw play or a shovel pass to take advantage of the penetrating pursuit by the Colts' Freeney and Mathis off the ends. But alas, no.

From halftime on, I knew the Colts had it in the bag if they just didn't give the ball back to Chicago. Sure enough, the Colts tightened up their attack while the Bears fell apart. You could just see in the body language of the Bears that their bread-and-butter, the defense, was spent.
My suspicions these last few weeks were that the top 4 seeds in the AFC (San Diego, Baltimore, Colts and Pats) would beat the Bears 8 out of 10 times. From watching the Super Bowl, I would contend that as an accurate statement. And, as it usually is, the AFC Championship game was way better, we should just anoint the winner of that game every year as Super Bowl Champion.

Now we head into the long off-season, desperately scouring the Sports pages looking for any blurb related to the NFL in any way. Free agency and the draft will restoke our football fires, driving us to a football-mad frenzy by August and training camps. Word is that Peyton's brother Eli was with him in the Championship locker room. Soak it all up young fella, here's hoping it instills in you a fervent desire to experience the same thing with the New York Giants.

Super Bowl Sunday Sonnetlike Scripture

Super Bowl Sunday, the greatest yet worst day of the year
knowing football is eight months away, I shed many a tear
I put on my (Eli) Manning jersey and cook the food
for we celebrate this departure as a pigskin-loving brood
Finalizing this 2006 season into the archives of NFL lore
with one Big Party in Miami, a city of glitz and glamour
Will Grossman play within himself and manage the game
or will Urlacher and the fearsome Bears D come up lame?
How the Colts Run D will play is as much a mystery
as the final marks on #18's punchcard into NFL History
Who will it be, Smith or Dungy?
'Dungy,' is what my gut tells me
and I don't care if either one of them is black
so long as King Kong disembarks Peyton's back
and the finest quarterback in NFL History is hoisting some glory
above his head, cementing certain a born-to-play-quarterback story

Happy Super Bowl Sunday Everyone! And to all- a good offseason! Colts 31-29

What's In A Name

Recently over at the Aurora (the home of my first blogging experience...and the first site to officially give me the boot! May it not be the last for why would I want to be a contributor at any blog that would have me as one!), they just reposted a story I wrote for their page about a year and a half ago. Well, as it turns out I was looking around the internet and saw a site that was taking humor submissions for cash. Being that I was online, and my conservative buddies made it fairly easy for me to copy and paste this particular yarn right into an email, I submitted and waited. Suffice it to say, the story isn't my best work but they said that it was great...except there weren't enough jokes worked into the story. Finding this a little confusing, I looked up their supposed web page and it is non-existent now. Presto, it's gone daddy gone. Worried that perhaps I got bamboozled into giving away a story so that it might just appear elsewhere for free, I will repost it again here. Perhaps this will discourage these louts from trying to sell it as their own. Perhaps I am just being paranoid and they really didn't like it. However to further my suspiscion, when I responded to them in an effort to find out what was going on with their website address, I got no reply. Until today, when they ignored my request and instead asked me for more submissions. Now I know, I may have a lolipop for a head but I ain't no sucker! So without further delay, ya wanna hear a story? Well, here it goes:

It just occured to me that, if I was a rock star and had a band, I'd rather have a hardcore name than just use my own name (i.e. Kenny Loggins, Phil Collins, or even Sting). Most bands have some type of story detailing the origin of their name. For example, Led Zeppelin's moniker supposedly arose from a discussion between band mates regarding specific names. It is said or rumored that drummer John Bonham replied that one specific name that came up during this conversation would go over like a led balloon which they all thought was right good fun. As a group, they tweaked Bonham's response and became Led Zeppelin. While this is a good name, I feel any band that I started would need more of a story and so I return to High School where fortunately or unfortunately a great deal of my most embarrassing moments lie. I just recently was speaking to a friend who reminded me of an event that I had long forgotten. It turns out that I had vandalized a friend's car while he was running a track meet and the implications while not altogether important gave birth to my currently fictional future band's name. Like all good stories, it was a dark and stormy night when I happened to be leaving another friend's house who lived nearby the track field where my friend Mike was running. So as I often did, I intended to stop by and hopefully catch a little bit of the action but when I arrived there was no parking. However I did see that Mike's car was parked along the street so I decided to leave him a note that I had been there and to call me later. When I arrived at the car it was open so I went to place the note inside and as I was doing so I noticed his track bag was lying on the seat of his car...Inside I found these contents: 3 pairs of tidy whities, 2 pairs of sneakers (presumably for sneaking), a jock strap (which I handled carefully with the pen I had brought to leave the note), & some T-shirts. Well, to me such a situation called for these items to be tossed haphazardly around the car leaving the jock strap to dangle off his rearview mirror. Now as it turns out Mike was not Jewish (not that there's anything wrong with that) but for some reason I thought it would be funnier to leave a threatening note than a boring "how do you do" type of greeting...and so I scribbled some hateful rhetoric telling him that I thought he and his kind should GET OUT. Though I had never drawn a swastika before, I thought that I ably captured the essence of it and left this note hanging off the pasenger seat visor and promptly ambled back to my car and sped off. Well, it seems that Mike had some rituals that I didn't even know about, one of which was to drive to and from track meets with his coach. After the meet they returned to the car and saw the door partially open and general disarray inside the car (I forgot to mention that he had quite a few bags of fastfood waste lying on the backseat floor which was carefully redeposited on the front seats)...They began to clean the car out and it was obvious to Mike that this was the work of someone who knew him and he tried to explain that it was just a goof...this is when his coach found the letter hanging off the visor. It turns out that I should have paid more attention to my first dabble in the field of Anti Semitism because apparently the swastika that I had drawn was inverted. Mike's coach only had one question and it was this, "who are you friends with Michael, dyslexic nazi's?"...And so my band name was born...I can barely strum a guitar but at least I know that if by some chance lighting strikes me and I am graced with the talent to actually play that thing that sits in my basement looking cool (and collecting dust)...Hey, I have a good hardcore band name -"Ladies & Gentlemen, may I introduce to you...The Dyslexic Nazis."

Why These Authors Need To Go 'Around The Horn'

The ESPN show 'Around the Horn' is a daytime sports columnist roundtable, with reporters tuning in via satellite from around the country. It is a pretty good show actually, upbeat and funny. Each columnist naturally has their own personality and quirks. They score points based on journalistic tidbits, awarded by an emcee. Consider the parallels to the J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog!

We have the commissioner, the 'emcee' of sorts, in a Jets fan so unruly that he had to create a blog to rally the green masses. A level-headed fellow with Puritan values, only cussing while peer pressured by his vulgar co-host. The Unruly Jets Fan is a cautious predicator, carefully considering his various political stances he must take before posting a blog. He is a provocative journalist, unafraid as a white man to tackle issues as racism.

Mookie McFly is the intellectual compass needle. Well versed by a New Jersey Catholic basic and higher education, McFly is certainly well-read, reminding the audience of the Beat writer movement.

The Overfloating Figgythemick is the weird one, reporting via satellite from Denver, Colorado. he is important for those conversation generating weird points, but good football sense.

Fakehead is the ratings booster. People will tune in to see what he says next. If we don't have to bleep him it would be great. But it would be funny with all those bleeps too. I'm the bald one, but Fakehead captures what I call the "George Costanza' factor. Though Seinfeld was great, George held that show together, Jerry always got to play off of him. George's morality made for some of the best plot lines, like the time when he had space for sleeping under his desk at work built by Jerry's carpenter. He pulls the chair in after him and to anyone looking in it appears George isn't there. Steinbrenner comes in, yada, yada, yada, you all know how it ends, but I digress...Fakehead also captures the public's rage and outrage, that is why he was destined to be a lawyer, and a blogger.

I'll pitch the idea to ESPN for 15 million dollars and we'll split it 4 ways. But you will all have to come out here to get it. And if you've ever seen The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, that is mostly what it would be like trying to get it. You guys need to go Western for a little while.