Unruly's Ramblings

Let me just warn you that this post will make barely any sense to anyone reading it so if you have gotten this far you are just as insane as me. So moving right along, what is with all this losing? If there is a football game, the Jets will make sure they lose it. I mean lets face it folks, this is worse than the Rich Kotite era.

And last year I started out not liking Eric Mangini. Then by the end of the year I thought he was a little genius. Now I am back to hating him again. I just don't get him. He has no emotion. Just like Eli Manning. If you lose, act like you are pissed. When you show no emotion you scare everyone.

The only bright spot is David Harris. This guy is one bad motherf*cker. He is all over the ball. Between him and Vilma, we are stacked for the next 5 years. But they are going to trade Vilma his year for no reason except the fact that we are the Jets and we haven't done anything completely retarded in awhile.

As for Brad Smith...in my opinion this guys should be the quarterback. I think he is a total spazz but something about him I like. He seems to have the smarts to be in the right spots. He just drops too many balls. But I say, let him be the QB for the rest of the season and see what he can do.

I like what the players are saying about Sean Taylor. He was a great player. But these young players get hooked up with these idiot hanger ons who cannot do anything with their lives except mooch off people like Taylor. This even makes me feel bad for Michael Vick because it reminds me of these jerkoffs that only care about mooching. Although, I still think Vick is a complete dick.

I am not sure what to say about Roger Clemmens except, you better start fucking winninng. But the way, I never used to swear on this blog. But Fakehead just brings it out in me. And it actually is very theraputic when taking about the Jets. At any rate, I am so sick of losing. I actually want to throw my Pennington jersey in the garbage.

Chad thinks he is a starter in the league. I am not sure if he is or not. I think his mind and body are. But his arm is very suspect. Just looking at Chad completely disheartens me. Because he was supposed to be our salvation. But of course he spends his whole time here injured.

And finally, if it were not for Fantasy Football I wouldn't even watch the NFL. Actually Fakehead got me into this league with all his lawyer buddies and I am kicking ass. I have won 7 games in a row and I already clinched a playoff spot. I have TO and Randy Moss as my receivers. Romo is my QB. I don't even need anyone else on the team. I don't see myself losing any more games.

At any rate, I guess this was not as random as I thought.

Trivia Question: Who is Fakehead's favorite character in the feature film "Two Girls, One Cup"?

Jets Shit the Bed Again and other stuff....

Wow, it wasn't even close. 34 to fucking 3? 3 fucking points? Kellen was shit, 12 for 27 for 142 yards with an interception and really never got anything going offensively. The one thing I thought he did that was pretty cool was when he was trying to avoid a sack he got a pass with his left hand to throw the ball away (he is right handed). That was pretty impressive. He did get sacked 3 times and basically rushed a little too much for him to deal with. I don't know about Clemens yet, he needs to beat Miami or the Jets may have to waste another pick on a QB next year. (Although I think they should go with the kid from Arkansas, McFadden, if he is still around).

Regardless, the battle of the Jones' brothers was somewhat anti-climatic, with Dallas's Julius Jones rushing for 64 yards on 14 carries (26 yards receiving as well) and our boy Thomas Jones only having 40 yards on 17 carries. TJ has STILL not scored a touchdown and the Jets have played 12 fucking games. How is this even possible? (Yet I still have him on my FF roster).

The only bright spots were that Kerry Rhodes made a nice INT and Revis played pretty well (minus the one play) on TO. TO didn't know who Revis was, which was a dis but TO is TO, so the statement itself doesn't suprise me. After the game Revis spoke to TO and said the conversation went "well." Next time they play Revis is going to be at the point where TO is going to know he his when Revis gives TO a fucking concussion.

Regardless, I thought the 'Boys were going to spank the Jets and I was right. But deep down I thought they would put up a little bit of a fight, which they did for the first quarter or so. But you know its bad when your coach challenges a spot on a third-down play, hoping to trim a yard or two off fourth and three. (The challenge was unsuccessful, by the way). The second half was a complete disaster, as the Jets didn't get a first down until there were 5 minutes 19 seconds left in the game. Awful.

All I can say is that the Miami Dolphins are frothing at the mouth hoping they avoid a "defeated" season when they play the Jets next week. Show us something Clemens!

Go Jets!


OTHER STUFF....


1. Did you guys know the Jets Cheerleaders are called "The Flight Crew". They are sort of hot, but it is hard to tell from this photo.

Maybe we should blame them for the Jets sucking so bad. I think during home games you can get a photo with them in the Bubble. At least before the Steelers game people could, and I have to tell you, there were more fucking Steelers fans than Jets fans getting pictures. Fucking ridiculous. I'm so glad the Steelers lost, but what the fuck? It's no wonder the fans were waving their gay "Terrible Towels" during that game, there were thousands of Steeler fans at the game. Shame on those Jets fans who sold their tickets to Steelers fans.

Anyway, I think the Cowboys cheerleaders could kick the Flight Crew's ass in a "Hot Piece of Ass" matchup as well. Here's one of them:

She is pretty easy on the eyes. However, it should be noted that the Cowboys' Cheerleaders have been doing this for a while and are pretty much the New England Patriots of NFL Cheerleaders.

Anyhoo, back to business...

2. Eli Manning is awful.


Honestly, he should have just stayed on the ground and starting crying. They should have carted him off the field for being a pussy lame-ass loser. How about these stats: 21 for 49 for 273 yards with 1 TD and 4 INTs, with three of those INTs run back for Minnesota TDs! Granted, it's not completely Eli's fault that 3 of his INTs were run back for scores, but it is pretty fucking pathetic.

This is a game the G-Men should have won, and they completely shit the bed. And they got slaughtered too, 41-17. (I wish I had MN's Defense on my FF team). It was just a disaster across the board. They have 8 million running backs, and all the good ones were hurt. Fucking Eli can't win a game if his life depended on it, their defense let Tavaris Jackson beat them (10 of 12 for 129 yards and a TD and 38 yards rushing on 5 carries) and did I forget to mention that the Vikings were 4-6 coming into the game? How can the Giants beat the Lions one week and look like a fucking Pop Warner team the next week?

Eli continues to disappoint, and I know Figs is going to defend him (again) but come on!!!! Eli's no Peyton, and he is not even close to catching up to his big brother. Speaking of Peyton, I like that guy more and more. He's a funny mother fucker with all those commercials, and he won his ring, so he can just chill out now.

Anyway, the GMen better step up against the Bears next week. I think they will most likely make the playoffs, but don't expect them to make it past the first round. (That being said, it is a hell of a lot better than the Jets are going to do, fucking Jets).

3. The fucking Pats won again. I didn't think the Eagles were going to make a game of it, but they did, with JO Feeley no less. If the Eagles had a good quarterback maybe they would have won. Fucking AJ just wanted to throw the ball to the Patriots last night, that stupid fuck. Fucking Tom Brady. I hope teams learned something last night and blitz the shit out of Brady and then maybe somebody will beat those fucks.

4. You who else blows, Keith Oberman. This jerkoff has his "Worst Person in the NFL" and I'm assuming he has the same stick on his "Countdown" show, and yesterday he blasted the K for Denver for kicking to Devin Hester. Maybe Oberman's right, but where does he come off saying somebody the "worst" in anything? This fucking jerkoff used to be on "Sports Center" and now he considers himself a real "journalist". Hey Keith, a real journalist writes articles for newspapers like the NY Times or the Washington Post, you fucking sit on a panel with Chris Collinsworth and talk about football once a week. Chris Collinsworth is one of the biggest tools in this world. I rank Collinsworth in the top 5 tools of the world, and that includes the leaders of Iran, North Korea and Venezuela. He is right up there. My ranking may go something like this:

1. Osoma Bin Laden
2. Leader of North Korea
3. Leader of Venezuela
4. Chris Collinsworth
5. Leader of Iran

Regardless, Oberman neglected the fact that there are 11 people on the field during a kick and everyone has the same job, tackling the fucking guy with the football. The guy with the least responsibility is the kicker, because he is the pussy of the group.

5. We played our annual Thanksgiving Football game and it was a lot of fun. We ended up playing against a bunch of in-shape younger guys who didn't have cleats, so we managed to beat them for a while until they just used their best player to run for a TD every time he touched the ball. The fucker was impossible to tackle. They ended up winning 13 TDs to 10TDs or something. I am still sore.

Regardless, Unruly threw the football like a champion, hitting almost all of his targets and not throwing any interceptions. It was the best I have seen him throw in years, and even though two years ago many in the MFL were calling for his retirement at the QB position, he stuck it out like Brett Farve and he proved the critics wrong just like Farve did. Way to go Unruly. I hope you bring it Christmas time when you are battling Figs. (We better fucking play). By the way, I can honestly say that the Mendham field BLEW and that we are going to have to move the game back to Florham Park where it is level and straight. We'll discuss that at another time, but I see a good game on Christmas Eve morning developing, me, Unruly, Figs, the cousins and nephews, Rupert, the Jew, McMahon, etc.

FINALLY, GO JETS! KICK THE DOLPHINS' ASS THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

Fucking Scumbag Jets Fans are going to ruin it for the rest of us drunks...

Here we go again... First they boo Chad Pennington's injury, now they harass women to take their tops off. Fucking jerkoff Jets' fans.


According to the fuckcocks over at the New York Times (who, like Rolling Stone magazine, is the most liberal piece of garbage ever to be printed on paper) at every halftime at Gate D the fans stand on the causeway and harass women to take off their tops and when they don't they harass them and throw shit at them.



Security, according to the New York Times, does nothing about it. The police also ignore it, according to the Times. And when some snot-nosed jerkoff reporter asked a security guard about it, they questioned him and seized his pussy little recorder. That to me is funny, because fuck the New York Times and their homo reporters. What is not funny, however, is that these stupid mother fuckers have to hang out and harass people.



Here is the problem, which these stupid cunt motherfuckers don't realize. Now that the Times has written an article about this shit, the Jets are going to do something about it. Hey, here is a possible solution, STOP SERVING BOOZE AT GAMES. That way the stupid cunts don't get drunk and yell and throw shit. Will that solve the problem? Fuck no. But they will do it. That will ruin it for people like me and my other buddies who like to have a few drinks like gentlemen while cheering the Jets on. Instead, we'll have to be sober and watch them get their asses kicked. It's not fair and it's not right. But these stupid fuckers who can't handle their booze will try their hardest to ruin it for everybody.



My question is to these people, What the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, there is no question that tits, football and beer are a great combination, but you know what, you don't go to fucking Jets games to see tits or pussy, you go to watch your favorite team and cheer them on. A large percentage of these stupid fucking fans take it upon themselves to curse, harass people and act like stupid cunts the whole game, thus ruining it for the families and normal fans around their seats. It's a joke and it's pathetic. I can't even think about bringing my kid to a Jets game until he is old enough to fucking at least vote. The shit the fans say, the fights, the drunkenness, it is appalling and I've had enough. It's bad enough our team is bad, but now certain fans are making the fans look bad too? Guess what, if you want to see tits at a football game, bring a fucking porno magazine with you you stupid fucks! Or print this photo out and carry it in your pocket you cocksmoking loser!!!!!


Give me a fucking break!!!!! I think I am an elitist, because I really consider myself better than a TON of people. Stupid, unrefined fuckheads with no class whatsoever make me sick to my stomach. These are the type of people that play softball in a beer league and are part of a bowling/dart, etc. team and or are members of a lake community. Fucking losers, all of them, no matter how hard they try to act like a civilized member of society. The world would be better off if they were all murdered. Jail is too good for them and it wouldn't help. And their stupid fucking kids usually grow up to be just like them, pieces of shit. Put them out of their misery and poison their Schaffer's Beer.



With that, I end this portion of the post by sending out a few "fuck yous"

First, fuck the Jets fans who can't control themselves at Jets games and ruin it for the other REAL fans.

Second, fuck the New York Times for being such a pain in the ass. Stick to harassing Republican politicians and leave the Jets alone.

Finally, fuck people who are members of lake communities.



OTHER SHIT...


Oh yeah, the Jets are playing on Thanksgiving. Well, I plan on being intoxicated that day so I won't feel so bad when the Cowboys score at least 35 points against them. That's not to say the Jets won't score some points and make it close (which I will take at this point) but I don't think the Jets can keep up with the Cowboy's offense. I hope they do, but I'm not optimistic.



Either way, GO JETS!



Tomorrow Unruly will host the 15th annual Turkey Bowl game, this time in Mendham, NJ. It should be a great turnout and I have to hand it to Unruly for putting it all together. I can't wait to play and it should be fun. Unfortunately, I am out of shape and I'm going to be sore for a fucking week after I hit the ground once. Apparently Figgy is playing the same type of game in Denver at the same time (in a different time zone of course).



The Giants play Minnesota and I think they should win this one, especially because AP is out. We'll see.



Finally, I hope all of you have a good Thanksgiving, except if you are one of the fuckheads I mentioned above or you work at the New York Times, if so go fuck yourselves and choke on a turkey bone. (And of course I'm only kidding about 67% of the people who are in lake communities)

It's a fucking miracle, I was right for once! Go Jets!

Well, my pseudo-prediction came to fruition last night, as the Jets dominated the Pittsburgh Steelers 19-16 in overtime. Clemens (14 for 31 162 1 TD, 1 INT) fucked up several times but in the end he did his job and led the team down the field to set up a FG to put the game into OT. And then in OT after the Jets D stopped the Steelers on a 3 and out L Wash gave the Jetropolitans great field position with a great punt return to set up the winning field goal, which Ted Nugent actually made. Yeah!!!!!

Thomas Jones was solid as usual, yet he couldn't get into the fucking endzone yet again. He hasn't scored since he was a Bear. Regardless, he ran for 117 yards on a defense that only lets up 72 yards or so every game. And the Steelers hadn't allowed a 100 yard rusher since 2000 fucking 5! Great job OLine and Mr. Jones!

The defense, WOW! It was like they were a different team! 7 fucking sacks! I think Ben Rothensburger or whatever the fuck his name was like Butch Cassidy and kept asking his linemen, "Who are those guys?" They held Willie Parker to 52 yards and made some key stops during the game.

The fact that the Jets couldn't get more than a few field goals despite being inside the 10 yard line 4 times (they did score 1 TD) doesn't bode well for next week, when they play the 9-1 Cowboys, but at least they won this week.

To be honest, I'd like to think that Curtis' presence at the game had something to do with this victory. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was the bye week. Or maybe it was just the fact that they are sick of losing. Either way, they need to carry this feeling with them. They will be the underdog for the rest of the season save one game (the Dolphins) and they have a chance to at least be a spoiler and win some games. To that end, I hope they kick some ass and take some names.

Go Jets!!!!!!

OTHER FUCKED UP AND RANDOM STUFF

1. "Terrible Towels" at a Jets game? It's true. Chris Baker said he took it personally and I hope that those fuckers waving them got dosed with beer after the Steelers lost. Fuck them.

2. Chad Pennington was cheering like a motherfucker on the sidelines. He is a gentleman and a scholar and he yet again shows why he is a class act and a team player. I hope he is quarterbacking the Falcons or Minnesota next year.

3. Can Brad Smith please catch important throws? The fucking guy probably keeps telling Mangina that he is a quarterback and Mangines won't listen. But he isn't making that great of a WR. Pretty pathetic bunch yesterday after Coles got injured (again).

4. I fucking hate fantasy football and I'm letting it affect my rooting for the Jets. When Chris Baker scored yesterday I was pissed it wasn't Cotchery. What the fuck is wrong with me? Fantasy football has ruined my life. Fucking fantasy football. Speaking of which, Unruly's team set the record for scoring this week, he has Owens, Romo and Moss, and they kicked ass.

5. The Giants beat the Lions. It was a good victory for them and I'm so proud of Eli Manning. He is the best quarterback in the world and if I had a choice between Eli and almost anyone else at QB I would want Eli, because he never makes mistakes and should be exempt from any criticism whatsoever. Go Eli, you are my hero. NOT. Fuck him and the Giants. How many times were the fucking Lions in a position to win the game? They fucking suck, and Kinta should change his name to Cunta. It's easier to spell and pronounce anyway. Although I have to say, the refs made some awful calls against the Giants in that game, so that was bullshit.

6. I watched a little bit of the Pats/Bills game last night, and I have to say that Tom Brady is one of the best QBs I have ever seen play in my life. The guy is poised, has a great arm and finds the open receiver. Of course, he has all day and he's got Randy Moss, but still. He is as calm as a motherfucker, even when the pocket is collapsing. I'm not saying Peyton isn't great too, but I mean, Brady is fucking good.

7. I had a dream that I drove my car off a bridge that was out last night. I drove off the bridge and the car flipped and landed in the water and then I was in like slow motion trying to open the door, which wouldn't budge. I think you need to be opening your windows when your car is going over the bridge, or else the pressure won't let you open the door or window once you are submerged. Needless to say, it wasn't the kind of "wet dream" I like to have. ha ha ha ha

8. I wish I was my own boss. Then I would open up my own office and hire a hot slutty secretary. Don't ask me what kind of business I would run, that requires too much thought. I would leave the business ideas to my slutty director of operations.

9. Does anyone actually believe anything political candidates say? Honestly, I don't believe a word out of their stupid lying mouths. I mean, George Bush never came out and said that he was going to get the ball rolling for WW III and have everyone in the world hate us, but Goddamn he came through on that plan. Imagine if that was his platform? "America, I promise you your sons and daughters will shed their blood on the soil of Iraq even though we won't steal the oil there so it will be all for naught" and so on. I think he would have still won because Kerry was such a pussy it didn't matter. Anyway, all of it is such bullshit and rhetoric it makes me ill. That being said, at least we have the opportunity to vote for our leaders so that's good. One side note, since when is torture such a bad thing? Shit, they are only suspected terrorists, who cares? If it's good enough for Jack Bauer than it's good enough for me.

10. Speaking of Jack Bauer, this writer's strike is getting really annoying. All these fucking losers picketing and crying because they don't get money for this or that, fuck them. Just keep entertaining me and shut the fuck up. I don't care if you don't 5 cents every time some idiot downloads the Office onto their computer. Just keep writing and do your job monkeys. Honestly, if not then I will volunteer to be a scab writer. I'm telling you right now, I would have more main characters killed off on every show faster than the shows would be produced.

Some of my brilliant ideas if I were a scab:

In Heroes, I would have that Jap get killed in the Hiroshima nuclear blast, (isn't he traveling through time or something, I don't know because I would rather watch a fucking baby being born on TLC, that's how much I can't stand Heroes).

I would produce a Charlie Brown special where he shoots himself in his bald head and Snoopy discovers his body. Further investigation would reveal the decaying corpse of Lucy, whom Charlie raped and murdered earlier in the week. Linus would get stabbed and strangled with his own blanket to death in the Pumpkin Patch by an unknown assailant while waiting for the "Great Pumpkin" (later to be revealed as Sally). Peppermint Patty would come out of the closet by making the moves on the other little girl she hangs with (don't know her name) and would later hang herself when the children make fun of her for being gay. The girl with the natural curly red hair turn out to be a porn star and eventually would be managed by the kid who plays the piano.

MTV - I would turn every single reality show into a version of this show called, "Last Person Standing" Basically, every show on MTV would be the same, but instead of the losers in the competition being voted off or dismissed by the woman/man who is the prize, those people would be murdered, on camera, for the world to see. Eventually everyone gets killed until there is one person left. That person would have the option to kill themselves or take the prize money. Hopefully they do the latter. For the "Real World" series, I would create a show whose prize is to walk into the Real World home with an uzi or a Tech 9 (or shit, maybe even just a Desert Eagle or something) and try to take out as many of the characters as possible. "Real World" would air first at 8:00, followed by "I want to be the next Real World Mass Murderer" at 8:30. Anyone would half a brain would love it, because you have a reason to hate the stupid fucks on Real World and by the time the Mass Murderer show came on you would be excited to see who would get the chance to kill all of the Real World idiots.

In fact, this idea would be expanded on for every single reality show in America, from American Idol to Survivor. The premise works on almost every show, it would be instant ratings. Speaking of American Idol, for all the people who know they can't sing and just want to be on TV, they would all be lined up and shot like it was Nazi Germany in the 1940s or shit, Russia during Stalin or whenever people were mass executed. All these people "need killin'" and there are too many people in the world anyway. In the end, it would hopefully achieve what I've always wanted, the end of reality TV. In my version of reality TV, "The Simpson (Jessica and Nick)" would have never ended in a divorce, it would have ended with Nick cutting Jessica's father's head off then putting a screwdriver in the back of Ashley's head (Goodfellas style) and Jessica shooting Nick in the balls at the end. It would have been the first billion-dollar making show.

Fuck Reality TV, this writing strike is going to just make the Network execs want to put more of this shit on, much to dismay. The only good thing is that reality shows need good writing too, and trust me, if you think reality TV is real you need to get your head examined, because it's bullshit. (You think "Surviorman" is real? Kill yourself or try to do what he does without a camera crew and a stash of food and water, the result will be same). So who knows. All I know is that I want new Offices, 30 Rocks, 24s and Shields. Stop crying writers or else you will just be replaced by insane bloggers and reality tv hacks!

GOOOOOO JETS!!!!!!!!

Oh, since I am going to hell for this post (along with a million other reasons) I have decided to turn my office "green" by buying a recycling receptacle. That's right, my office doesn't recycle, and I'm going to change that. I should be awarded the "Environmentalist of the Week" award. Unruly, think you can write an article about me in the Mendham Observer Bee and how great I am? Thanks.

Finally, I have to repost this picture I found from Unruly's yearbook. He really looks awesome in it and it still makes me laugh.

Yo, Fuckheads, the Jets are playing this Sunday!

I smell an upset! Why? Why the fuck not? The Steelers aren't that fucking great. Their QB, Ben Rothenscunter or whatever the fuck his name is, is overrated and plays not to lose (except that one game where he had 5TD passes or whatever, but look at his performance in the Super Bowl, they won IN SPITE of him).



The biggest problem the Jets are going to have on Sunday is making sure Chad Pennington doesn't get into the game. What I'm saying is, they need to protect Kellen and let him throw the fucking ball!!!!! 6 or 7 sacks will spell disaster for the Jets. Running the ball is going to be tough, but the Jets don't believe in running the ball this year anyway, that is probably why they only signed a running back for fucking 20 million or whatever.



Regardless, the Jets have a shot on Sunday, believe me. It's going to be a close game and who knows, maybe after the break the Jets have a new lease on life and will play better. Fuck, they have nothing to lose except the top pick in the draft. And any player or team that plays for a draft pick should fucking quit the NFL today. That is bullshit, pussy-ass faggotry at its most pathetic. PLAY TO WIN!!! Fuck draft picks, they are playing for self-respect at this point.

You know else they should win? Because at half-time they are honoring arguably one of the best Jets ever, Curtis Martin. The guy was awesome, and a class act on and off the field. I have nothing but respect for guy, even though he used to be a Patriot. Curtis, you rock!

Look at his guy's fire! Let's see some of that from the current players!

Let's Go Jets!

OTHER SHIT


1. A-Rod is staying with the Yankees?! I'm pretty surprised this happened, but hey, I give AJob some credit. Good for him. Interestingly, Gay Jeter is in some trouble because he said he lived in Florida from 2001-2003 to allegedly avoid NYC taxes. Guess he's not perfect after all. And he has to deal with ARod for 10 more years, clearly a better player than he.


2. Barry Lamar Bonds got indicted. Who the fuck cares? Nobody likes him, ARod will break the HR record, he is just going to be another chump. He is a miserable bastard and he took steriods, big fucking deal. Not for nothing, steroids don't make you a good hitter. They may make you stonger and last longer (although he is probably falling apart now) but they can't make your hand-eye coordination improve. Whatever.


3. Vinny "Old Bastard" Testaverde is starting again this week. I pray that one day I will be as in shape as that mother fucker is at his age. What is he, fucking 48 years old? I'd like to see Joe Namath come out of the Jets in the final game of the season. At that point they could have nothing to lose.


4. The fucking cleaning people in my office only come once every two weeks. I have two small garbage cans (one is a Mets garbage can) and they are full of fucking garbage. It's like NYC when the garbage haulers go on strike, there is just shit everywhere. Newspapers, soup containers, sandwich wrappers, it's fucking disgusting. I have am starting to enjoy it at this point. I am going to buy plastic rats and put them around the office to see if bothers anyone. Every garbage is jam packed. This place is a fucking disaster. Fucking cleaning people, those fucks.


5. I hate fantasy football. It ruins football for me and I vow never to play it again after this year. It's too stressful.


6. Paterson, NJ is a shithole. Dont' go there unless you want to buy crack. It's so annoying, the citizens just walk in front of your car, there are a million streetlights and construction everywhere. If you have a choice of taking your own life or driving into downtown Paterson, think about what you to lose with both options. It may be easier to blow your brains out.


7. I hate the Patriots so much it makes my blood boil. I think that in 10 years a good movie would be called, "We are the Patriots" staring Matthew Fox as Tom Brady and the dead guy Jack Palance as Bill Bellicunt. Seriously, they could just dig up the body and use strings to make his mouth move. Palance's corpse would be more believable than a living Bellicunt.


8. The Giants came back down to earth last week and proved everything I have been saying about Eli Manning since he was in college. He fucked up on those game delay penalties, he can see the fucking clock and he can't call time out or run a play? He thinks he is Peyton pointing and yelling and shit, somebody should say, "Hey, fuckstick, you want to call a play or sit here and cry about a roving DB all day?" Some leader. Next. The GMen play the Lions this week, and if they lose they are going to be awful the rest of the year. If they win (and it would be a good victory against an upstart Lions squad) then they will have proven something to me a little bit at least.


9. I have been having a recurring dream of getting attacked by zombies. I fucking hope zombies don't rise from the dead and go looking for human flesh. It would suck. The logistics of it all would be a nightmare, I live near a cemetary and if it's anything like "Dawn of the Dead 2007" then at least I have a short drive to a mall. I don't know which mall would be better to hang out in, the Livingston or Short Hills. I think the food selection is more diverse at Livingston, and I fucking hate that shithole restaurant in the Short Hills Mall, "American Joes" It should be callled, "The Worst Restaurant in the World" because it is.


Anyway, I'm thinking I need to buy a gun in case zombies do rise from the dead. But at the same time I probably shouldn't put that on my "Reason for Buying Gun: ________" part of the application. It could raise some flags.


10. Seriously, the Jets might win this week. Have some fucking faith for once, you miserable fucks!


GO JETS!

At least they can't lose next week...

Holy shit. The Jets suck. I though they had that game in the bag, up 17-3, their offense was moving the ball, their defense was stopping the 'Skins when it had to, and then it all started to fall apart and that stupid kicker on the Redskins made kick after kick after kick and BAM! It's over. Portis had the best game of his season (not hard to do against Jets' defense) and the Jets' offense was plagued by a huge fumble and several dropped passes. It's a fucking shame.

Clemens was decent, 23 of 42 for 226 yards with 1 TD and no INTs. He also ran the ball very well (7 for 48 yards) which impressed me. He has way more mobility than Chad, along with a better arm, so there is hope to found. Thomas Jones was useless, (13 for 49), again, aren't they supposed to run when they have a lead?

A definite ray of light, David Fucking Harris, or the "H-Bomb" as I like to call him. (Nickname trademarked). I hope that nickname doesn't offend or affront any of this blog's Japanese readers! (right...)

The fucking guy had 24 tackles yesterday (20 solo) and has 41 tackles and 1 sack in two games. Not too shabby. It's just too bad nobody else could make a play on defense. I mean, the Jets made Jason Campbell look decent, which is pathetic. Not to mention fucking Portis, that jerkoff. Oh, and the Jets need to release Andre Dyson, he is FUCKING AWFUL. Portis destroyed him all game and he runs away from a ball carrier, not towards them. "Oh, you can get the first down and I'll try to push you out of bounds like a pussy" is his motto. Sit him down, there has to be somebody with more heart on the bench to replace him.

Like I said, the Jets won't lose this week, thank God, and when they come back from their "bye" week they have to face the Steelers, who are having a pretty good year. Great.

OTHER CRAP...

1. I wish I had Adrian Peterson on my fantasy football team, the guy breaks the single-season rushing record with 296 yards and already has over 1000 for the season. Good for him.

2. Figs owes me 20 bucks since the Colts shit the fucking bed against the Patricunts. I cannot believe they lost that fucking game! They were up by 10 in the fucking fourth quarter and they lose? Pathetic. And there is Tom Brady, headbutting his fucking lineman like he is a tough guy. Can somebody please decapitate that fucking guy? I'll be the first to admit I am jealous of Brady, he is good looking, awesome at football and is dating a huge piece of ass. (At least I get to see my son though, so I am a better father than him - yet given the chance he would probably out-father me as well). But now, he has gone from "aww shucks" to "I am the fucking man, nobody can fuck with me and my boys!" and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I don't want the guy to get killed or paralyzed but how about a shoulder injury to put him out for the season? I would say kill Bill Bellicunt but I think he is already dead. Guy probably sleeps in a coffin under Gillette Stadium. Fuck him, and the Colts blow.

3. College Football nonsense - Notre Dame really blows, how is that possible? ... Speaking of blows, Rutgers lost to Connecticut, which is retarded. What is more retarded is that Connecticut is going to win the Big Least this year. ... I hope Oregon wins the National Championship this year, I can't stand Ohio State, but if Oregon loses, they should be forced to change that fucked up get-up they call a uniform to something less heinous. .... Boston College is lamer than the fucking Colts, Florida State blows and they can't even beat them. I'm sick of fucking teams dropping the ball when they are faced with pressure.

4. Brian Williams hosted SNL this week. I didn't see it, but can anyone think of somebody less funny to host? Next week I heard they have Pervez Musharraf, should be hilarious.

5. Hot or Not? Since people were tired of "funny" girls, this weeks' stinkbox is a certified actress, none other than Kate Mara, the daughter of the Wellington Mara (or some sort of relation there) former owner of the Giants. You may remember her from such movies as "Shooter", "We are Marshall" and "Brokeback Mountain". She was also in a few episodes of "24" last year, as one of the CTU busy bees.

I like the underwear/shotgun shot, it really demonstrates her acting skills. Regardless, she's hot.


Go Jets!

Let the Clemens era begin... (it's too bad he has such a shitty last name though).

Don't look so glum Kellen, the Pennington Era has ended. The woeful Jets will try out their "boy" Clemens and see what he is made of for what I'm assuming is the rest of the season. I don't know if he can save this awful team (ranked 30th in the NFL in offense and 29th in defense) but it's worth a shot.

There is no getting around the fact that Clemens has the worst last name in sports, the obvious reason is that fuckstick Rodger Clemens shares it with him. I still wish Mike Piazza would challenge Clemens or his meathead son to a "Battle Royale" steel cage match battle to the death or something, but Piazza is a CA boy now and has probably turned into a pussy.

That aside, Clemens hasn't had many opportunities, but besides the alleged comeback against the Ravens he hasn't been that great. His QB rating is a paltry 46.0, he has completed less than 50% of his passes (29 of 59) for 362 yards and only has 1 TD against 4 INTS. Granted, one of the INTs was a Hail Mary so that one doesn't count. He also could be missing Mr. Coles, who had the shit knocked out of him last week while making his only catch of the game. In Coles' place would be the 2.4 million-dollar-a-year-making-4-catches-for-49-yards-dropped-two-passes-that-could-have-tied-the-Ravens-game Justin McCariens. What a waste of fucking money. Halfway through the season, the guy has 49 yards receiving and makes 2.4 mil? I wish I could play football (that would first require me to wish I was a foot taller, unfortunately only about 40 pounds heavier, (but all my existing fat turned into muscle) and fast. I do have good hands though. (That's what she said). Regardless, I hope McCariens can redeem himself should he get the start, because apparently Clemens and him have some sort of gay connection from their work together in the off-season and training camp.

Anyway, the Jets play the 'Skins this week in Washington. The Redskins are 4-3 but they just got their asses handed to them by the Patriots. The 38-14 drubbing the Pats gave the Jets looked close compared to the trouncing the Redskins received. Speaking of which, I'm surprised the Redskins haven't gone all PC (especially in that town) and turned into girls and changed their names. Here are some suggestions if they do become lame and give in to an ever-dwindling Native American population (most of whom is too drunk to notice anyway):

The Washington Blowhards (salute to the politicians living there)

The Washington Faggots (because they gave in to the Injuns, but that could bother a certain segment of the population as well).

The Washington Little Girls (nicer way to explain their giving in to PC nonsense)

As far as the game goes, there is no reason why Washington should lose. By the way, Pete Kendall is quietly rejoicing in the fact that he got the fuck out of NY, but not giving the Jets any locker room material with his comments. That being said, I think the Jets have a chance this week. Kellen will be all hyped up, Thomas Jones is fucking good if the Jets ever decide to use him correctly, and Harris could lead the defense even better than he did last week. Let's face it, the Jets could have won the last two weeks but just shit the bed. The Redskins aren't that fucking good to begin with, so I think the old Jetropolitans have a chance in this one. The QB for the 'Skins is awful and their two main WRs (Randle-El and Moss) don't even have any TDs. Portis is Portis, he can be shut down and he defended having dog fights, so fuck him. The Redskins are a couple of lucky breaks away from being 2-5. They can't live on luck forever and the Jets luck has to change for the better sooner or later.

We'll see what happens, but I think the Jets have a chance.

OTHER SHIT...

1. The kicker for San Fransico got fined $7,500 for giving fans the finger last week in San Fran. Joe Nedney should be commended for flipping off the fans. Let the poor guy get out some frustration, because kicking is a thankless job. Either way you considered a pussy, you are expected to make everything and when you miss everyone hates you. Kickers aren't getting laid like QBs, even if they score more points than the QB. Do you really think some chic is going to latch on to a fucking kicker if they can bang the RB or QB? The only way a lady (term used loosely) wants to hang with a kicker is if: 1. He is roomates with Tom Brady or 2. Everyone else is passed out or left the bar already. Seriously, how good is the pick-up line "I kicked the winning field goal today." When the QB is saying, "Yeah, I led the team down the field so my faggy field kicker could do his job and not lose the game I won." Imagine this one, "I haven't missed an extra point in 35 attempts this year." Or "I was 24 out of 31 in field goals last year and 3 for 3 over 50 yards!" Whoa!!!!!!!!!! The only chic who will dig that type of shit must own a fantasy football team.

Regardless, I think players should be able to do something when they suck and they get abused by the fans, because the fans are doing a lot worse to them. Throwing beers, snowballs, racial epitaphs, swears, etc. at them when they can't do anything? That's kind of lame. And I bet $7500 is a lot to a kicker, right? What Nedney should have done is said "Fuck your mothers" or something like that, where they can't get a photo of him doing it or read his lips too well. Lastly, it is kind of funny when fans throw beers on players. When Chad Johnson did the "Lambeau leap" instead of embracing Johnson like most of his seatmates did, one dude poured his Budwiser on him. Fucking hilarious. And trust me, beers at NFL games are fucking expensive, so it was probably a gut reaction or natural instinct kicking in. Good for that guy.

2. Lions QB Jon Kitna is getting his balls busted for wearing a Halloween costume. He wore a "naked guy" costume and apparently it has pissed some people off because one of the Detroit coaches was caught driving around naked.
His wife was a fast-food employee or something. Kitna apologized, but come on, he didn't need to, it is fucking funny!!!!!! It's even funnier that one of the coaches got picked up for driving around naked. First, that coach is a shithead and possibly a kiddie-toucher. Second, maybe Kitna didn't like the coach and was like, "Ya Burnt!" It's not like a coach had cancer and Kitna wore a bald piece on his head to make fun of that coach's chemo treatments, come on!

Either way, I don't like Kitna because the guy hasn't won an important game his entire career, but he is adequate so he will continue to get starting gigs wherever he goes. Fuck him as a player, but good for him as a human. As for his wife, she looks like fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. That would have been a better costume for that stinkbox. I would say he should do better, but he's only Jon Kitna, he doesn't even know how to spell John. (Or at least his parents didn't).

3. Rutgers plays Connecticut this weekend. I think the Huskies are going to kick the Knights' ass. Will Connecticut do much the rest of the season? I doubt it. They are a joke too.

4. Finally, "Hot or Not II"

Her name is Kristin Wiig:

This chic works on Saturday Night Live and was in the movie "Knocked Up" where she was pretty funny. She is going to play at least one of the main character's wives in the soon-to-be released Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and that looks funny. So, she is pretty funny and doesn't have any major facial scars, but is she "hot?" I don't know how smart she is, I don't think she went to Harvard or anything like that, but then again, she could probably get in now, with or without a high school degree. That's the thing about Harvard, they let in anyone who is famous, those fucking cunts. I hate Harvard and my kids will never be allowed to go there on principal alone. (Even if they get their mother's brains and have a chance to get in). Are you telling me that fucking Claire Danes and the lead singer from Weezer are smart enough to get into fucking Harvard? Please!!!!!!!! What a fucking joke. In fact, if I ever become famous, I will fucking go to Harvard and get a Masters' in "Fuck-around-ology" which is what I'm sure the two aforementioned fuckheads got their degree in. Harvard, Ya Burnt!

I think Wiig's okay, but the way, but she needs a new last name.

On a side note, my pumpkin had this indentation or scratch on it, so when I carved it I called it a Tina Fey O'Latern. (See the prior post for an explanation). Needless to say, it was a little hot.

GO JETS!!!!!!

I think I'm in the final stage of grief for the fucking Jets... (and other stuff)

First of all, I want to say, on behalf of all Jets' fans, thanks to Chad Pennington. He will always be one of my favorite Jets because he has heart, grit and great leadership skills. His career with the Jets is likely over, and it's unfortunately time. Let's hope he mentors Clemens and Clemens learns a thing or two the last half of the season, because Chad will likely be gone after this year.

Now, as to the title of this particular post, I think I have finally overcome the five stages of grief as far as the Jets go. I was definitely in denial when the Jets played the Giants. I thought FOR SURE the Jets were going to win, up until the 4th quarter. I thought, "This can't be happening" as the Jets shit the bed and lost.

Then, when the Jets played the Eagles, I was in denial but it quickly turned to anger as they again shit the bed and lost a game they should have won. I complained that it was "not fair" and "why me", especially after the other team I loved, the New York Metropolitans, ripped my heart out and stomped on it after being in first place for 160 games of the season.

Then, with the Bengals, I started the bargaining process, "Just let the Jets win and I won't kill myself today." Ha ha, not that drastic, but I was just thinking if the Jets could beat the awful Bengals then the rest of the season could be at least okay with a few wins and Chad could show the rest of the world that he was still a starting quarterback in the NFL.

Finally, I went through the last two steps of grief, (depression and acceptance) yesterday. After Evans caught that ball that ended the game (although it was over once the Jets punted on their last real drive) I was depressed. I got more depressed when Clemens came out, although I was relieved in a way that it was finally over for Chad. Regardless, he looked depressed just standing there, like "Fucking A. I can't believe it's finally over." I saw him talking to my other favorite Jet, J. Vilma, who apparently wants out and the two were probably commiserating with one another. Then Chad was alone, just watching the game like any other back up player, and it was depressing. Finally, the game was over, and Clemens threw two interceptions and about three good passes, I finally accepted that yes, the Jets blow this year. Their season is over I hope they get some good defensive players in next year's draft. They may or may not win 2 games the rest of the season, maybe 3 if they are lucky. Vilma is going to be gone by the end of the year and I don't even understand what happened to him. Chad is done and will likely never start a meaningful game again (although I hope he does somewhere). Clemens is the future and he needs the rest of the season to have Chad mentor him and to get some experience.

Now that I have accepted that the Jets blow I feel better. There are still traces of depression but there's nothing anyone (including, apparently, the Jets' coaches) to stop the Jets from sucking this year. I hope Clemens can make it interesting. I am not looking forward to when the Jets play the Pats in December. I see the final score being 80-17, and I'm not kidding. No matter what, I'm still going to root for them, and it will be interesting to see how Clemens develops the rest of the season. Oh, and if Mangina doesn't start Clemens now, he needs to be fired, immediately. But you know what, it's going to be okay!

With all of that said, Go Jets!

OTHER RANTS....

1. Let's talk about the mother fucking Patriots. I fucking HATE them so much it makes my stomach cancer flare up. These cunts keep running up the score on teams like fucking Bobby Bowden used to do (when he had good teams) in college. 52-7? Bellicunt goes for it on 4th down when he is up 38-0 and 45-0? They keep passing the ball? And that fucking cunt Brady (who was wearing the gayest hat in the world at the post-game press conference and yes, I know his girlfriend probably bought it for him and I am jealous but still) can't even give the ball to his fucking running back but he has to hog all the glory and score two TDS himself? Not only is a jerkoff, but he is fucking killing my fantasy football team (I have Maloney or however you spell it and I lost to fucking Unruly - losing in FF almost hurts my heart as much as a Jets loss)!!!!!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!! There is no reason to like the Pats. Their coach is a cheating tool, the quarterback is an absentee father, and they are too fucking good for their own good. I hope the following things happen:

1. The Simpson erase the episode Brady guest starred on forever and never release it on DVD.
2. Brady breaks his fucking leg in 20 places. (What ever happened to putting bounties on players? Why can't Mangina show some balls and put a bounty out on Brady, that would be the most awesome thing in the world!)
3. Bellicunt's sons or whatever offspring he has get another DWI and embarrasses him again.
4. Bellicunt gets hit in the head by an errant Peyton Manning pass (hopefully intentional) and he needs brain surgery and misses the rest of the season.

While I want all of that to happen, what is probably going to happen is that the Pats will go undefeated and win the fucking Super Bowl. The Colts have no chance next weekend, unless they score 65 points. Oh, the Simpons creators will never pass up on opportunity to make money, so forget about getting rid of episode of a DVD release. Shit, Brady will even commentate on that one.

2. England saw the worst football game of the year yesterday. Yeah, that is going to make them love American football, a 13-3 mudbowl with the shittiest team in the NFL and the most boring. Give me a break. Send the Bengals over there, with the gay crackhead, he would have riled up the crowd. There was no TD celebrations, (of course because boring Eli scored), no fun plays, nothing. It was as boring as a regular season baseball game between the Kansas City Royals and the fucking Pittsburgh Pirates. Who the fuck cares? Oh, and do the players have to keep complaining about the field and the long plane ride and the small hotel rooms. It's fucking Eurpoe! Get over it! No, it's not the same as the fucking Los Angeles Radisson, the room is smaller, and guess what the fucking food is a little bit different too. Jesus, you would think the game was being played in fucking Japan or some shit. It's England, you can at least understand everyone, right? Yeah, it's just like America, except most people have fucked up teeth! (Seriously though, they don't. There are a lot of hot chics in England). (If they were in Japan they would say, "Everyone is talking in this fucked up language and I can't understand what they are saying? Don't they speak American? NO! You shithead, you are in fucking Japan!) Regardless, if I were a Giants player I would have gone to the pubs and gotten hammered, especially after the game. There would have been an international incident. I also would have never cried about the time difference and how my schedule was fucked up. Waaa! Waaaaa! Why is Strahan in such a hurry to get back to America, all that he has to welcome him is an empty house, a cunt ex-wife, bills from lawyers, solicitations from dentists all over the world, and probably some cokehead strippers (okay, that's pretty cool).

3. The Red Sox won the World Series. Hey Figs, how was the walk back to your house from Rocky Stadium after that happened? I'm sure it was great (for a Boston fan). The Sox are the team to beat this century so far. With Gay-Rod opting out he'll probably play for them next year. I hope that cunt never wins a World Series.

4. Rutgers shits the bed again. I have no respect for them after the Navy booing, so fuck them and all those stupid fucks who paint themselves red to watch the games. The sight of the dejected look in their eyes after the third quarter (as they sat in the pouring rain, still their red paint glistening but never washing off) I laughed at their patheticness. This could have been their year too, oh well.

5. Do you think Tina Fey is hot?

I have been watching "30 Rock" and it definitely one of the best shows on TV. I can't figure out whether or not Tina Fey is hot. Let's face it, she has some crazy scar on her face and I don't know how it happened. She refuses to talk about it but said it happened during her childhood. Also, her ears are rather large and seem to be slanted or something. But, he is cute, she has her moments when she looks okay and she is smart and funny. So what do you think? I ask you, two readers of this blog, whether or not Fey is hot... I will say, "a little." However, she is a different kind of hot than Alexandria Ambroisia or however the fuck you say her name, because double-A is smoking hot, no matter what ridiculous get-up Victoria Secret makes her dress up in.

Time To Take Out the Patriots

Is anyone else f%#&^* sick and tired of hearing the media whack off to the New England Patriots yet? It's week 8 and I can't take it anymore. Something needs to happen....

Defensive Ends, far and wide, heed this call: Take out Tom Brady. I'm saying make it a blatant late hit if you have to. Other DE's in the NFL will mail you money to cover the expense of your suspension and fine. I'm willing to send a hundred bucks right now, millions of others who want their teams NFL season to count for something will follow suit. You won't feel the slightest financial pinch, I assure you.

I'm talking, really take him out. Leonard-Marshall-on-Joe-Montana style in the 1990 NFC Championship Game between the New York Football Giants and the San Francisco 49'ers (aka The Greatest Game Ever Played). Flushed by an edge-rushing Lawrence Taylor, Cool Hand Joe stopped to rear back a pass, what he didn't know was that Leonard Marshall had fallen behind him and had gotten up and was ready to kill him.

KA-PLOW!!!! Marshall creamed him from the back, ball came out, Giants recovered and won the game. But the part I want to emphasize is that Marshall not only slammed Montana down and came down with all his force and weight, he bent Montana's throwing hand back on the way down.

Do I feel bad about recommending a dirty play? FUCK NO! That shit happens under every pile up in every game anyway. It's like the Spygate scandal. An unsavory and unspoken part of the game. Just look at this down here, tell me your Jet fan heart wouldn't be bursting with joy if you saw a crumpled Tom Brady lying broken just as Montana in this picture below:

And tell me every other team in the NFL wouldn't spontaneously rejoice all at once all across the country. I want to see Dwight Freeney striding away just like good old Lenny here. I am the biggest Colts fan in the world come next weekend. I want them to knock these smarmy Patriot motherfuckers out. I want their zombie fucking coach - Belichick- to choke on a pretzel just like Dubya. Only Belichick, I'm sure, probably has food tasters or just blends it all up in a blender and drinks his meals because it's 'more efficient'.

DOWN WITH THE PATS!!!!

Ok, back to business! Jets are going to win this week or else...

I'm going to write another gay blog? Ha ha, no! I only did that because I lost a bet in my fantasy football league. I am losing too many bets this year in both the fantasy and real world, and it's starting to piss me off. Or maybe it's giving me stomach cancer, but more on that later.


The Jets are going to win this week against the shitty Bills. Why? Because they have to, and Chad is playing for his job every week. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't bench him this week with the season practically over, but hey, I like watching Chad run the Jets offense so I don't have a problem with it. (Although if they lose again this week Mangina has to start Clemens, no question about it).


You know who I would like to see have a breakout game and actually SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?



YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, OUR MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR RUNNING BACK, THOMAS JONES! I mean, look at this fucking guy, he is huge! He has been running the ball pretty well when given the chance. I just don't understand why the Jets aren't using him more. He carried the ball 12 fucking times against Cincinnati, and they needed to run the ball in the second half in that game!

Regardless, Jonesy only got 35 yards against the Bills the first time out, so they better be looking to give him the ball more this time.

As for the defense, I prayed to God today that they would stop that little homo Trent Edwards and the rest of the Bills offense this Sunday. God sent down lightning bolts at me but amazingly missed, because Him and I don't agree on a lot of things. Like, for instance, He thinks I should be a good person, and I am fucking dickhead. He thinks marriage is sacred, and I have a thing for Tiauana whores. (Kidding!). Anyway, God won't answer my prayers, but maybe the Jets defensive players will. Let's face it, we're stuck with this 3-4 nonsense, and it works about as well as appeasement did prior to WW II. Regardless, the Jets have to do their best with it. It amazes me that the media is calling for Vilma's head, when he was a stud in the 4-3 defense. Yes, he's not built for the 3-4 and he's having problems, but the guy is still fucking good!!!! I don't want the Jets to get rid of him, because 1). I have his jersey, so does my son and 2). He's fucking good! (More No. 1 than No. 2, but whatever).

Anyway, I'm hoping the Jets win this week, and I'm not going to make any predictions, because they are always a load of shit and I just randomly pick numbers. I make predictions on Unruly's Iron Hills blog, because I don't care. But I just want the Jets to win, I don't give a shit what the score is.

Let's Go Jets!!!!!!!

OTHER NEWS...

In my personal opinion I think I have stomach cancer, or at least an ulcer. I'm going to the doctor today to see what's up. Regardless, all this thought of cancer has made me think of a brilliant new reality TV show called "Three Months". Basically, the premise is the "star" has three months to live, and cameras follow him around for those three months while he gets into adventures showing that everyone should live life to its fullest because you never know what can happen. At the end of the three months, the "star" of course dies. However, if he hangs on for longer his contract will contain a clause that he has to blow his brains out at the end of the three months. It's only fair. If the guy has 4 months to live they can call it "Four Months". Regardless, I think that in today's fucked up reality-obsessed times it would be a huge hit! I'm kind of hoping I have stomach cancer so I can be the first one on it. (Of course, I would have to forego treatment, but who wants treatment anyway, I'm not giving up boozing and eating red meat no matter what). It would just be me, my dog and my camera crew. I can see the promos now, "This week on 'Three Months', Brian visits the Bunny Ranch and goes bareback" Or "Tonight, on 'Three Months', Brian needs money and is forced to rob a Commerce Bank, will he spend the last three weeks of his life in a Texas jail?" This is gold. I hereby patent this idea!

Oh, and don't feel bad for me if I actually get stomach cancer, because 1). I probably deserve it after this post and 2). It's still funny if I get it and 3). I'll be rich of my TV idea and at least my family will be taken care of!

GOOOOOO JETS!!!!!!

Let's Get This Thing Right

Okay Jets fans, the ship is listing, it's true. BUT WE ARE NOT SUNK YET.

Does anyone remember the 1999 New York Jets team, coached by your legend and mine- Bill Parcells? They started out 1-6, had the Bye in Week 8 and then won 7 of 9 to finish with a respectable 8-8. It wasn't respectable about the record itself, but they were one of the best teams in the league despite their record. NO ONE wanted to play them coming down the stretch because the Jets would put a serious dent in their playoff hopes. The Miami Dolphins that year lost to the Jets TWICE in four weeks. That New York Jet team had the attitude that it was going to the playoffs even though there was little hope.

Well, listening to Mangini's press conference after the Catastrophe in Cincy, he sounded like he was ready to fight somebody. The frustration is there because the Jets put together 2/3 a game and that other 1/3 remains elusive. Take this Cincy game, the Offense explodes! Special Teams does their jobs! Defense took the second half off.......

The Giants game. Defense scores a touchdown! Special Teams scores a TD on a 98-yard kickoff return! Offense dominates in the fist half! Then takes the second half off....

What I am saying is: the Jets show glimpses of that team last year. The losses are frustrating and they keep us from seeing any progress that might be made each game. I didn't think Chad could throw a ball 55 yards in the air, but he did it a Cincy on Sunday. Thomas Jones was starting slow, we thought maybe he doesn't have it any more, then he runs for 139 yards.

What we need is one week where all 4 quarters the Jets stay even keel and focused. Focus only on the job at hand, the next play.

Next, we acknowledge what isn't working. The Jets defense is a 4-3 and plays to the talents of their defensive players better that way. Vilma is a middle linebacker, not one of two middle linebackers in the 3-4. The D line is better with 4 guys than with 3, which frees up Vilma to use his smarts and speed to play like Ray Lewis. Revis is the real deal and Kerry Rhodes can lead the secondary. Mangini, organize who you have. not what you would ideally like them to do. The 3-4 is a better way to DISGUISE your defense, but guess what? 4-3 defensive teams win the Super Bowl too.

After that, focus only on running the football and stopping the run. I'll tell you where Chad can be super effective, -play action. You've got burner receivers in Coles and Cotchery.

Simple football. Forget the record, the playoff chase, the fucking bad karma Patriots. Win this week.

Tom Brady should have more bastard children (and by the way, the Jets blow...)

Can you blame the guy for leaving Bridget Moynhan? I mean, he left her for this:






This woman is smoking. As much as I'd like to say that Brady has been affected by the fact that old Bridge is blowing him off and, according to stupid fucking entertainment reporters, not letting him see his son, Brady is like a robot and just playing football, bastard child or not. The guy threw 27 TDs in 7 fucking games. Six yesterday! It's insane. Maybe because he has this to look forward to after games:




Maybe that is why he is playing so well? I highly doubt she has a Annie Savoy/Ebby Calvin LaLoosh type of relationship with Brady that is leading him to play so well, it is most likely the opposite. She promises him gang bangs with models for every game he wins. Oh, and to you two morons who thought MIAMI was going to give the Pats problems, nice predictions! You are worse than me managing my fantasy football team! The Pats/Fins game was over in the first 10 minutes when it was 14-0. The Pats offense just cannot be stopped. Why? I have one answer:




The Pats are going to win the Super Bowl this year, write that shit down. It's happening. The Colts/Pats playoff game will be entertaining, but the Pats will roll (even if the Colts beat them in the regular season, who cares). Bellicunt apparently took offense to the fact that everyone in the world thinks he is a big, fat loser cheater, and he has something to prove. I'm sure it must be miserable to be one of his players, but they are responding to his tactics and they sure like to win. The only weakness I see is their defense, but when you score about 38 points a game (or more) who the fuck cares. They can stop other teams enough to win. On a side note, the NFC blows. They shouldn't even allow them to have a team in the Super Bowl this year.


As for the Jets, well, they fucking blow. Chad played pretty well all considered. Playing Clemens will not change anything. They need a defensive transplant, or a new coach that plays a fucking defense that allows it to use the weapons it has, (i.e., Vilma, Hobson, Robertson, etc.). The defensive scheme the Jets are using blows. Clemens can throw the ball harder, but does it matter when the other quarterback can fucking sit down in a lazyboy and do the New York Times crossword puzzle before he has to even think about throwing a pass? It's a fucking joke.



Honestly, I echo Unruly's statements, (minus the myriad of spelling errors) there isn't much to say or do at this point. Changing the QB may be an option, but this week it wasn't Chad's fault, unless they blame that interception in the 4th quarter with deciding the game (it didn't). Who knows?!



Anyhoo, the Giants won again, yeah for those fucks. Tom Coughlin is apparently more relaxed and actually jokes with players now. Maybe because what the fuck does he care, he is a lame-duck and has nothing to lose. I hope he does well and they re-sign him so he can turn into the old Coughlin next year and the Giants will suck again. I have to say, their defense did look pretty good for the most part, even old gappy-tooth man Strahan is getting a couple sacks here and there. That Osi guy is pretty fucking good too, but I digress, fuck them, they aren't going anywhere in the playoffs even if they win 12 games this year, which they won't.



The bottom line is that I'm losing a lot of money and pride on bets involving the Jets and Giants this year, and it's bullshit. Can't the Jets just win for me for fuck's sake? Don't I matter to them? ha ha ha



Speaking of bets, my next post is going to be about how I want to have gay sex with a Dallas Cowboy to be named later. Why, you ask? Well because I lost a bet when my fantasy football team got spanked this week. I of course thought for sure I was going to win, so it was very upsetting when I realized last night that my FF team shit the fucking bed and now I am going to look like an asshole. Oh well! Such is life. Serves me right for having confidence in a team that gets your hopes up every year and you think is going to do great and really should win, especially this week. I should know that it is pointless to root for teams because they just let you down, week after week. First the Mets, then the Jets, now my fucking cunty shitty fantasy football team. Motherfucker.