Unruly's Game by Game Picks

One of the reasons I am a Jets fan today is because of many years of suffering through losing season after losing season. But I feel my "story" is unique and gives me a depressing edge over most long suffering Jets fans.

The year was 1995, give or take a year (I was basically drunk every day back then). My friend Vinnie was able to buy Jets season tickets off a friend for the whole season. The Jets just hired a new coach, Rich Kotite from the Philadelpia Eagles. This was the year they were going to turn things around. And the fact that I was going to be watching all the home games that year was just the omen the Jets needed.

Well the Jets lost every single home game that year. I remember telling myself the Jets were just re-building. So Vinnie scored the same ticket deal for the following year. And we knew that this was going to be our year. And to make sure the Jets would bring victories during our second season, Vinnie and I had to buy $125.00 authentic Jets jerseys. Vinnie got his Johnny Johnson, and I got my Jeff Lageman.

And that our jersey trick must have worked. The Jets won one home game that year. Vinnie and I...actually, I wont speak for Vinnie...I was at an all time low. The Jets were stinking it up bad. And my drinking seemed to get worse during each loss.

I remember, sitting at the last row by the score board about 12 stories up in the air (that is where our seats where), wondering if anyone just noticed that I threw up in the seat next to me. I remember being depressed because the Dolphins just killed us. Then to top it off, two Dolphin fans ran up to me, took my football out of my hands and threw it 60 yards. A fight insued and I have no clue what happened.

Then there was the time Vinnie showed up in his Santa Clause suit for a late December game vs. the Bills. At the beginning of the afternoon, it was really funny watching Vinnie sing xmas caroles and slap Jets fans high five. But after 7 whiskeys I found my hands around Vinnie's throat with the seemingly clear thought that that mother fucker never got me Atari 64 in the fourth grade.

Oh those were the days. Me and Vinnie don't go to Jets games together anymore (in fact, I dont think I have seen him in person since that choking incident). But we still love the Jets. And during those years, we earned our Jets Fan Badge of Honor. When the Jets do win, all our hard work will have paid off and it will be a really special time.

So it is with that story that I declare that this is our year. The Jets have many of the peices in order. Chad's arm is better than ever. We have a versital running game. Our defense is solid at every position. And the fact, that Vinnie and I are not at every game can only help.

Here is the long awaited breakdown of the schedule:

Game 1 - Home vs. the Pats: A win. The Pats are going to be very suprised by our rushing backs and Randy Moss will not know what to do with our rookie CB Darrelle Revis.

Game 2 - Away vs. Baltimore: A win. The Ravens are washed up.

Game 3 - Home vs. Miami: A win. The Dolphins have really issues starting with QB and ending with a crappy coach.

Game 4 - Away vs. Buffalo: A win. Sorry, without Willis Mulcahy, the can't beat the Jets.

Game 5 - Away vs. Giants: A win. This is really not an away game.

Game 6 - Home vs. Philly: A win. McNabb will be hurt and so will the Eagles. Easy win.

Game 7 - Away vs. Cinci: A loss. Ok, the Bengals are for real. They will be tough this year.

Game 8 - Home vs. Buffalo: A win. I already said why.

Game 9 - Home vs. Washington: A win. Who plays QB for them? They stink.

Game 10 - Home vs. Pitts: A win. A new coach and crappy players equals a sucky season for the Steelers.

Game 11 - Away vs. Dallas: A loss. Why not. We can't win them all. Plus, I think the 'Boys will be rejuivinated with Wade Phillips.

Game 12 - Away vs. Dolphins: A win. Because they suck.

Game 13 - Home vs. Cleveland: A win. Dude, come on. How could we lose to them? Plus, we have to payback for last years bull shit loss.

Game 14 - Away vs. New England. A loss. Bellechick will have caught up to Mangini's tactics by this late in the season.

Game 15 - Away vs. Tennessee. A win. Vince Young will not be able to handle the Jets all by himself.

Game 16 - Home vs. KC. A win. And a big FU to Herm Edwards for playing his cards close to his vest when he left us. Althought I was happy he did leave.

So I am predicting a 13-3 season this year. I am breaking out my Lageman jersey and am going to make an amends to Vinnie. And who knows, maybe I will even show up at a game or two. But I will spare Vinnie the drama. And who needs Vinnie when you have Fakehead!



Figgythemightymick said...

Nice blog Unruler. And happy 4th to you and your clan or ilk or family and friends.

Methinks that a bit too much an ambitous prediction there. I like the Jets to split with the Pats, sweep the Fins, but I think (believe it or not) that the Bills will be tougher this year. Losman is coming around, their receivers and offensive line are underrated and the D is solid. The good thing is that the Jets travel to Buffalo early in the year and won't have to deal with 'the Hawk'. Watch out for the Bills, "no one circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills" -Berman.

I think they will beat Cincy because the Jets will play ball control and the Cincy D is suspect as it is. Hate to tell you, but the Giants are gonna win that game. But we'll be seeing that one together, now won't we, Enemy Mine?

And what does Brokeback Mountain and the NFL have in common?

Gay Cowboys of course. Poor Wade is holding the seat for someone else, Jerry Jones will rule with an iron fist and that means the play on the field will go down, TO will have too much say and things will be crumbling in Big D by Thanksgiving. Jets win that game.

I think Cleveland will be competitive this year too. Revamped and solid O line means that nobodys start making plays. Winslow, Braylon Edwards, Jamal Lewis will have pretty good seasons. Lewis plays out of his mind in that stadium. Jets probably win that game but I predict a come-from-behind heart attack.

TENN - Madden curse. Its over before it has started.

I'm compiling my offseason notes and Figgythemick will write again soon!

fakedead said...

I never got to your game predictions, I was enthralled with your crazy Vinny/Jets stories.

I am too exhausted to reply to your predictions, but you are giving the Jets too many wins. I'll write more later. Plus, it's too difficult to predict wins before the season starts, God forbid there is an injury, the Jets could be 1-15 again.

Thanks again for all of your help cleaning up yesterday, you and Karen were superstars.

Beat it

MIggy said...

Oh, and this comment goes to the blog before this.

I lost my virginity to a girl named Marissa just over the Jersey border in Pennsylvania. She was half Malaysian and half Italian, slim, tanned and smart. She came down to visit me a few times in Jerz but then school was about to start again and I just let that one go, stupidly.

Just some random guy who visits this site all the time said...

Fakebox, thanks for inviting me to your Black Panther party. It was really fun...despite the fact that you were there.

No problem with the cleanup. Karen does not know what to do with herself so she cleans up...even if the party is not over.

At any rate, who was that English girl? I dont even know you any more with all your new friends. You are so popular. I liked Baggo even if a faggo like you plays it.

Figs, you told me about that story with that Malasian chick (in fact the story makes for a nice early morning shimmy session fantasy before I get going, especially the part where she sticks her fingers in your butt). She sounded nice.

My Marrissa chick was so hot. I can still picture her nude. She had an awesome body. I cant beleive how stupid I was back then. I just let her go just like you did Figs.

Smell ya later...Stinkboxes!

Unruly Jr. said...

What Malaysian chick? I am trying to remember your Marissa Unruly. Was I your friend then?

As for the English lady, she is dating the bald guy with the goatee (not Dorno, not Mike) who brought Baggo. Mooks and I had the best comeback ever in Baggo, I was en fuego.

Did anyone look at my Mets blog? Bastards.

Beat it !

***gross story advisory *****gross story guy***** said...

Hey Fuckers,

I read the Mets blog. But its not about the Mets. If I werent suffering from heatstroke every damn day I would have the brainpower to write something. Don't worry, we have not dropped the blog. Well, maybe the Mets blog because Mooks was the backbone of the thing. I just don't know enough about baseball to write interesting articles and, especially, because the Mets have sucked since June 1st. We have no reliable pitching. I went to the second Coors Field debacle. My worst case scenario was that the home team won, but I want the Mets to win every damn game.

Colorado really highlighted the Mets pitching downfall. They are too reliant on savvy and location and have no power. The lower air pressure in Colorado gave Glavine and El Duque no command of their specialty pitches. El Duque in particular blew ass.

Girls sticking fingers in guys' asses is so hideous. An ex-girlfriend asked to one time (not Marissa, she just left a puddle on my comforter) and I said, "Do you have any idea what horrors lurk in there?" so that was the end of that discussion.

Years later I went for a hemmheroid check and this decent looking chick doctor walks in with her even-hotter trainee to perform the procedure. And I'm sitting there in that damn hospital gown that covers everything but my ass. The nice doctor looks at me with her blue eyes and blond hair and nice, feminine features and speaks to me in a voice dipped in honey, pronouncing 'Michael' Southern style (so it sounds more like 'Mah-cull'). And she asks me to lay on my side while she pries my butt apart to check for hemeroids. All I could do was keep saying, "So sorry about this." And all the while these two hot chicks are looking into my asshole. I was fucking dying of humiliation laying there. I was sweating boiled water, my face was stinging.

She asked me why I was apologizing and then - BAM! - stuck a finger in my butt. I think it was the small one but that fucker hurt. Burned. For a moment I was able to suspend my monstrous embarrasment for just a moment to think to myself, "How do gay guys do this???"

I told the chicks that I was apologizing for having such an unsavory problem. They replied that it was their job and smiled. And I'm thinking, "ehhhhggh, the both of you've seen my asshole"

Faker's right about the predictions. Way, way, way too many things are gonna happen for the predictions having much luck coming out how we say they will. Barring any serious injury to Chad, Jets could come out 10-6 or 11-5.

Lots of Rules said...

Figs, chicks are so gross. They look at their own assholes all the time. And their V's are really so unsanitary if you really think about it. Guys are much cleaner. Why do you think Fakehead is gay...because he is grossed out by females. Smell ya later