9.28.2006

It's Definitely Not White Boy Day!































A Letter To Peyton Manning:

Hey Peyton, sup? I'm a big fan of yours and I was wondering a couple of things. Well, first off I'd like to say that you were incredible last year. All those yards...man, what an achievement. That being said what good was it? I mean, you had a better team last year than you have ever had at any point in your career. Possibly, it was the best team you will ever have...it's not unimaginable. So here you are and all I want to know is what keeps you going? You won't win it all this year, not with a less powerful team. No more Edge to help you drive the ball, you will have to rely on your arm more which means more interceptions & less touchdowns. You might not get to a Super Bowl for a long time if at all, bro. If you lose to the Jets this weekend, will you cry? I mean, will tears run down your face when you realize that your time has come and gone? Oh well, I was a big fan of yours Peyton...good luck hawking cell phones & making ESPN promos.

Regards,

Eli


9.25.2006

K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Retard, when I say "retard" I mean Jets fans who call up WFAN)

For some professions its all about "Closing the Deal." For others its about "Chasing the Ambulance!" And still others its about "Buying out low level mobster operations and making one huge Sanitary Company!" For the Jets its about "Winning". Although, I was never too sure about his coaching abilities, former skipper Herm Edwards famously announced, "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME." That folks is all it is about.

We did what we went to accomplish up in Buffalo. We might have wanted to execute every play perfectly. We probably could have played the run much better. We definately could have played more consistantly. Certain players should have stepped up more than they did. But guess what? WE WON!!!

I am completely disgusted with sports radio and the baffoons who call up and talk about how Mangini is a weirdo, or Willis McGahey ran all over us, or we still haven't found our running game. Guess what again? Mangini is peculiar, Willis McGahey will run all over our defense every game we play the Bills until he retires and we won't find our running game this year. And by the way, what do commentators mean when they say, "The Jets still haven't found their running game yet!"?

Regardless, it appears the Jets are not going to find a running game anytime this year. That is not the point. The point is we as Jets fans have to keep it simple. When I say keep it simple I mean, all we have to do is win. Not win pretty. Or win by dominating. Just win. We are 2-1. Thats 2 wins, 1 loss. That's all that counts in the standings.

Next week we face Peyton Manning and the Colts. And guess what even more? Yes, we are going to have to contain Manning and his passing game. And yes, we are going to have our hands full with Dwight Freeney and that whole Colts defensive front. But in the end, we only need to win.

I know it is early, but this is going to be my only post for the week so I am going to make my prediction. The New York Jetropolitans 13-The Baltimore Colts 10. Jets win!

9.22.2006

Chad Rolls to Buffalo!!!


The 1-1 New York Jets continue their season this week to face the 1-1 Buffalo Bills. This will be a big game for the Jetropolotians as they could really use a division win, especially after losing to division rival New England last week.

The Jets will have their handsful with Buffalo's solid run game led by former Miami Hurricane, Willis McGahey. McGahey is in his fourth season and coming off of back to back 1,000 yard rushing seasons. The Jets front four and linebacking crew will have their handsful with him all day.

Buffalo has scored early in their first two games. The Jets have allowed early points in both of their games. Plus the Jets have gone of to slow starts scoring wise in both of their first two games. New York has to correct this because playing catch up will only wear the team down.

The Bills defense is very solid as well, led by Takeo Spikes the former Bangle. Anyway you cut it, this will be no easy task for the New York Jetroplitans. However, this is a division game and a must win. The way Miami is playing and New Englands off the field issues, their is no solid front runner. The division is up for grabs.

So, Mr. Chad Pennington will need to take his reserged confidence and lead the Jetropolitans to a "W". They say a solid running game is what wins games. Well, we dont have one. Kevan Barlow is playing but has back spasms. Blaylock seems to have heart but just seems too small or something. He just doesnt get it done.

So we are going to have to rely on old faithful. And by old faithful I mean, steroids and cocain. No just kidding, by old faithful I mean Chad Pennington and defense. A few weapons are emerging for Chad such as Jerrico Crotchery and Brad Smith. And Coles is as solid as ever (Coles in my opinion is emerging as the best Jets receiver ever, sorry Al).

Our defense is looking great to, I must say. Our corners are playing great. Vilma and the linebackers are looking good too. And the Ellis is looking like the DE we drafted him to be. He is making us say, "Abraham who?" (Who by the way is injured again down in Atlanta...you know he ain't coming back until he 100% healthy, even if that is next year...pussy).

So your honor, to sum up this case (that is for you Fakehead) the New York Jets will have their hands full this weekend against their cross state rivals. I think it will be a tough game, but if the Jets can keep it close and not let the Bills get off to an early start, then they can take this one home.

My prediction, Jets 23 - Bills 20.

9.19.2006

Jim McGreevey is a fraud and a joke, and something something about the Jets...

I don't know if you all have noticed, but the ex-governor of New Jersey, Jim McGreevey, just came out with a book entitled "The Confession" about how he was the first gay governor in the United States and how it took so much courage for him to come out of the closet and confess that he was a "Gay American." This guy should be beaten within an inch of his life. I'm not saying that because he is gay. I could care less how many guys he bangs, it's none of my concern. I'm saying it because he DID NOT resign because he was gay, he resigned because he was corrupt and allowed corruption to run rampant in New Jersey's government. He saw the writing on the wall and he pussied out and blamed his resignation on being gay. He never, for one second, was the head of this State while being openly gay. He just called it quits and then he has the balls to say he was the first openly-gay Governor in the US? That is horseshit.

Why does it bother me so much? Well, I (and I'm now ashamed to admit this) voted for the asshole because he was the lesser of two evils that year. Now, he is trying to make a buck based on the fact that he was gay and, according to him, leading such a tortured life while in the closet and trying to run the State. Please!!!!! The truth of the matter is, everyone knew the guy was a homosexual (including his wife, so don't feel bad for her, she had other boyfriends and she is a pathetic joke as well) and the State Police used to have to turn away drag queens from the Governor's mansion when they came calling without invitations. This guy used to go to rest areas and have relations with guys!!!! His big thing was going to AC and using the sauna areas of the gyms to have midnight rendezvous with his lovers!!!!!! There was no question that he was gay!!!! But you know what, he was ashamed and tried to hide it! He went so far as to have a kid to prove he was not gay!!!!!!!!! (That is the biggest problem I have with him, but I'll get to that). So now he wants to try and say that he was an openly gay governor????? It is complete and total bullshit. He is a joke, a fraud and a loser. Let's not forget that he has a child up in Canda that he NEVER paid child support for and who hopefully never finds out who his dad really is. The guy is a scumbag loser, and to be honest he gives "Gay Americans" a bad name. The worst part is, I would have not have had any problem whatsoever if he campaigned as a gay candidate. He was too much of a pussy to do so, but now he is on his way to "redemption" and "grace" by "confessing" his past and coming out of the closet. Please. Do us all a favor and go back into the closet, and by closet I mean jump off a fucking bridge. (Even though that doesn't make a lick of sense).
You know who suffers as a result of "The Confession" and it publicity? Number 1: The Great State of New Jersey, further looking like a joke that it has already become, with its corrupt government and so on. Number 2: McGreevey's new kid, he may as well start on Prozac and hire a full-time therapist if he expects to survive to age 12. You know is the big winner here? I don't know, but maybe it is the man himself, Jim McGreevey!!!! He gets all sorts of publicity, lives in a mansion with his lover and tries to make himself look like America's biggest victim. And he is going to sell those books!!!!!!!! I wonder who will play him in the movie? I could only imagine.

Anyway, the Jets are awesome and should win next week against Buffalo. Rumor is the Bills have a bunch of Jim McGreeveys on their squad.

Beat it.

9.15.2006

Madden 2007 Wants the Jets to Win: It's In The Game

Last weekend I opened my wallet and forked over the $50 bucks for Madden 2007...Despite the glitches with EA sports online servers (the servers suck and I received a loss when I lost my connection the other night...they received a nasty email from me so I guess we're even), I have not been disappointed. The new feature of using a lead blocker really is amazing and once I got the handle it has opened some lanes...I don't want to give up too many of my secrets but let's just say I have a flea flicker play that would make Leon Hess smile (as I am sure he did looking down on me from heaven...he probably even pumped his fist a little).

Wednesday night, I played the Titans to get my franchise rolling and well, it went sort of similar to the opening game last Sunday. What can I say, I'm a little rusty after not purchasing Madden's 2006 version. I scored with ease but I also let the Titans creep back into it and eventually had to score on my last drive to drop the hammer...and to top it off I kicked a 50 yard field goal with ten second left with Ted Nugent's illegitimate bastard son Mike Nugent. I guess life sometimes imitates art. But not here as Mike Nugent is more Faster Pussycat than he is a 50 yard field goal kicking with ten seconds left player. Oh well...

Last night I couldn't wait so I played this Sunday's game in advance. The J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS were dominant. Everything I did went right. I sacked Brady nine frickin' times and rushed him every time he didn't hand it off I put him on the ground. My offense was electric as I had two receivers with 150 yard days and Blaylock & Barlow (I'm calling them the Killer B's...I know they're not THEE British Killer Bees but they sure do sting).

Anyway, the whole point of this isn't to brag about my Madden playing prowess...far from it. I'm sure when I play a live person the results will be a whole lot different. My main objective was to say that I just don't think the Pats are the same team everyone feared in the past. Brady still might be the best QB in the game but it doesn't really matter because he has no one left to throw the ball to & his backs can't carry the ball every time...especially against a good run defense. A good run defense is exactly what they will face this week. They are going to know it is coming and they will stuff it. On the other side of the ball New England can still defend too but I have confidence that this one time Mangina will be able to use his knowledge to get the Jets some points (hopefully Ted Nugent's son will play a little better).

My game versus Madden was explicit and I embarrassed him...every time I hit Brady, I said, "Wham!" It was fun. I don't think this game between the Jets & Pats will even come close to resembling that game. I think it will be tight...I think it will be decided late in the fourth quarter and even then it won't be decisive, meaning the next time these two teams meet it could go very differently. But as far as I'm concerned, at this point in the season, the Jets have too many weapons on both sides of the ball and New England is still trying to figure out who can catch, run, and make plays on offense.

For that reason, my prediction for Sunday is: Jets 13 Patriots 7

Lets hope I'm right...Unfortunately it doesn't happen often enough

Be Good, Have a Great Weekend &

GO JETS!

The Jetropolitans Need This Victory and Chad has to bring his "A Game"

There is no question in my mind that the Jets season could go one of two ways after this Sunday's game against the Pats. If they win, they will have a new sense of confidence and maybe, just maybe, they will get some swagger back that was missing all last season. If they lose, they may succumb to the critics who said they were going to suck all year. It's early in the season, but this could be a pivotal point for our guys in green.

Chad has played awful against the Pats in his three losses to them. Now, he is facing an even more uphill battle as the Jets' running game is well....pretty damn crappy at this point. If I were the Pats I would blitz the shit out of Chad and force him into mistakes. Chad to handle the blitzes, make good decisions, and of course hit his receivers. Basically, he has to play mistake-free.

Speaking of playing mistake-free, the Jets defense has to do the same. They can't afford to have Brady's passes hit their hands without picking them off. They need to put some damn pressure on Brady, and they need to find a way to stop the Pats' RBs.

Besides the tortured history between these two clubs, the Jets need to win because they haven't beat the Pats since fucking the Ford Administration (ok, it hasn't been that long but it seems like it has been forever). I would love to see the Jets beat them for that reason alone, but beating them would also make them look like a bunch of pussies for crying about the Dieon Branch deal. Finally, while I still am reserving judgment on Mangina, I don't like the fact that Bellicheck treated him so crappily when he found out that he was going to coach the Jets. There is no question that Bellicheck hates the Jets (as evidenced by his 10 minutes as the Jets coach before he quit). So, the Jets need to take this game personally and win the fucking thing, and shut the Pats' fans up and make Bellijerk look bad, having his "student" Mangina schooling him on the field.

Like I said, while it is early, this could be a make or break game for the Jets. I'm hoping they kick some Patriot ass this Sunday! Let's Go Jets!!!!!!!

The 12th Man will be Key to This Weeks Victory

The 12th man will be key to this weeks victory against the New England Patriots. We will need fans like Captain Jet, Fireman Ed, the big boobed lady with the posters, Hard Hat Kenny from the upper tier and regular fans like you and me.

The Pats didn't have a great game last week. They finished strong but they showed weakness. Their passing game was a bit suspect. Plus this week they are without their defensive signal caller, Teddy Bruschi. The biggest thing that goes in our favor is the Pats just lost their All-Pro wide receiver, Dione Branch to the Seahawks.

Not only did they lose Branch but Patriot ownership wouldn't pay their former Superbowl MVP the top dollar he most definitely deserved. I would think that sends a message to the rest of the team that "you can get our franchise as many Superbowl Rings as you can, but don't expect us to reward you you. All you are are indentured servants to us."

I am really, they should have paid Branch. I really think the Pats lost out on that one. And I really do think it will effect the team.

And that is another reason why I think our fans attending this week's game can really make a big splash into the psyche of Pats players. I mean they come in, thinking their organization is suspect to begin with. Then they see 80,000 crazy people chanting J-E-T-S, Jets Jets Jets coming off an awesome week one victory. These fans are going to be amped up! There is a lot of hope in the eyes of the Jets fans. I mean, two weeks ago, we didn't know who the QB would be because I don't know one person who thought Chad would bounce back. But bounce back he did.

Jet fans, we need the Meadowlands rocking Sunday afternoon. We are counting on you. We need it deafening!!!

9.12.2006

Kickers suck (unless you get a good one, and by that I mean Adam Vinateri).

It is highly unlikely the Jets will ever have a good kicker. They are just hard to come by. Nugent, a second round pick out of Ohio State, where he was Mr. Clutch, has not adjusted to the pros very well. His pathetic performance on Sunday painfully reminded us of that. My only question is, why do all kickers generally suck? It seems they have gotten worse over the years. Nobody makes a big field goal these days except for the Colts kicker now (former Pats). Having a great kicker is KEY. Knowing you can get to the 37 yard line when you are down by 1 or 2 with 10 seconds left and have a chance to win with a FG is a great feeling. The Jets do not have that. We have to worry about extra points.

But has Gang Green ever had a good kicker? I don't need to remind anyone at the Steeler playoff game, it still makes me angry. But to be frank, everytime I see a kicker take the field for the Jets I know there is 98% chance I will be angry, whether it is a pussy kickoff, a botched chip shot or a missed extra point. How fucking hard is it????? If that is all you do, fucking do it. Stop being a pussy and make the goddamn kicks!

Regardless, the lack of quality of Jets kickers was further evidenced last night when John Hall, now playing for the Redskins, shit the bed and missed a 40-something yarder last night after Mark Brunell drove the 'Skins within striking distance. Again, the offense does its job, only to watch in dispair as the kicker can't do the one thing he gets paid to do.

I still look forward to the day when I can see a kicker in a Jets uniform take the field and I can count the points before they kick. How long will I have to wait?

9.10.2006

We are Going All the Way this Year!!!

I told you at the top of my blog that something happens to me and all Jets fans as soon as the season starts. We turn from feeling like being a Jets fan is like having the plague to thinking we are going all the way this year. Winning today is the worst thing that could happen to me. Because now I have so many hopes for the season. I mean did you see the defense play today. They had a few costly penalties late in the game but besides that the Jets D looked great. And Pennington looked like the Pennington of 2003 except with more confidence. He looked fabulous. He has that Montana-esk touch back that made me buy his Jersey in 2003. Crotchery looked like the receiver that Herm Edwards gwacked about last year.

Even the call playing was a nice change of pace. I mean, being a Jets fan you just get so used three and out. If they don't score in three downs, then you just except that it is time to punt. I loved that long pass to Coles. That was a great play call. And it looks like Dyson is picking up right where Ty Law left off with his pick off ability.

Now I realize that we just beat the Titans who are the youngest team in the league. But this is a good warm up for the Jets. I am just going to relish this win. I can't remember the last time we were undefeated.

PS: Here is a shout out to all the people effected by the 9/11 attacks. Keep it real.

9.08.2006

Payback Time

Back in 2002, Laveranues Coles became a star and he had a lot of help from Chad Pennington to get him there. Coles caught 89 passes from his young QB for 1,264 yards. It was a coming out party for him and it made the league look up and recognize him as a premier receiver. Since then he has eclipsed both the reception mark and the yardage of those receptions from 2002. He left the Jets for a big pay day in Washington...then he came home. Unfortunately for him and for Chad, due to a balky shoulder, they haven't been on the field together much.

Sunday in Nashville, just a Tennessee stroll from Chad's hometown in Noxville, Coles and Pennington will both appear on the field of battle again. It's not 2002. Hell, I'm sure as shit hoping it ain't 2005 again(notice the southern drawl). In 2006, it will take Coles and the other receivers of Justin McCareins, Tim Dwight and Jerricho Cotchery plus the new tight end Zach Hilton (click on Zach for a little last minute shopping care of Yahoo! Sports...he won't be the third option from the TE position by the end of the season) to shine Chad's star. Laveranues is a good friend of Pennington and I am sure he knows that it is going to be up to him to lay out for some balls, get smacked reaching for footballs thrown in the middle of the field, and stretch a whole bunch of six yard passes into ten or twenty yard gains. I'm sure he knows. He knows it's payback time.

"Tennessee, Tennesee, ain't no place I'd rather be. Baby, won't you carry me...back to Tennessee." - Grateful Dead

PS - (which is the way the alphabet would look without Q & R) - All the people who are making a big deal about the Jets switching to a defense that is predominantly a 3-4 should have to shampoo Kimo von Oelhoffen's crotch (I wanted to say Jerricho's crotchery but it just didn't make sense whilst speaking of the Jets defensive prowess). They have Kimo (who is incidentally wearing a Super Bowl ring earned with the Steelers last year), Vilma, Robertson, Thomas (who I think will breakout this year) and Ellis (43 1/2 career sacks)...all of them athletic enough to rush the passer which leads me to this warning. The Titans should beware as I don't care if it's Kerry Collins (racist) or Vince Young (not a racist as far as I know) in the QB position on Sunday...John Madden used to say to me when I played his video game, "Bam! Quarterback can't hold onto the ball that long!" and that still holds true to this day.

Happy First Football Sunday...Let me know how it goes as I'll be watching the Mets and Dodgers play a little game called baseball...What? Lets Go Mets? Yes?

Oh well, here we go again:
J-E-T-S
JETS! JETS! JETS!

"Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole."

That is what I say to Giants fans this year when they make fun of my appreciation for the New York Jets.

Are the Jets going to win on Sunday? If they do, I will be a happy man. If Chad shows up and the Blaylock can get some yards on the ground (along with Barlow and Huston, I guess) then I think Gang Green has a good shot at beating Kerry Collins (are you kidding me?) and the Titans. As far as the D goes, the Titans have an OK running back and you know that Kerry is going to throw 2 or 3 picks (along with a few TDs). That means the Jets have a shot on Sunday. I'll be watching (and flipping back and forth between the Mets game).

Regardless, any happiness I garner from a Jets win will be compounded if the Giants lose in the battle of the "Never Going to Win a Big Game" Mannings. I don't want the Giants to lose because I want to see my man's former team win, but because I hate the Giants and most of their fans. There are a few Giants fans I actually like, but only because I choose to overlook that aspect of their personalities.

For some reason, Giants fans always think they are better than Jets fans. I'm not sure why this is so. Perhaps because they tailgate with wine and mixed drinks and leather chairs and Webber grills with swordfish on them and Jets fans eat "Extra Cheesier" Doritos out of the bag and drink Bud. And maybe Jets fans like to fight every once and a while and say the words like: "Fuckhead" "Asshole" "Stupid Motherfucker" and "Dirty Cuntbag" when describing the opposing team's players, the officials, the coaches of either team or even the some Jets players.

Maybe, just maybe, Giants fans think they are a little more polished and that their team is better than our Jets. The only thing I can say to all Giants fans who share this ill-advised thought process is: Go fuck yourselves, you dirty cuntbags.

9.06.2006

The Jets Future Begins with Brad, NOT Chad.

Have you seen Brad Smith, the fourth round pick of the Jets? This former Missouri QB is spilling his talent all over the football field. Right now, on the unnofficial Jets roster he is listed as the number 4 receiver behind McCerins, Coles, Dwight and Crotchery. He should be the number 2 receiver with Crotchery in the 3rd spot and McCerins should be playing water boy but that is another blog.

At any rate, #16 flashes all over the field as a receiver, h-back, quarterback, running back, you name it! He makes Jets fans easily forget another #16. In college Brad Smith passed for 8,000 yards. Which is no small accomplishment. But add another 4,000 rushing yards and you are talking the only player in NCAA history to accomplish this feat.

The best part about this is he is a Jet. Although, Mantitties and Tannonballs have not accomplished anything yet, they seem to have done pretty well in the draft. Especially with this pick, which is a steal at round four.

However, there is also a negative, he is a Jet. His talent will go by the way side. Just like good old Jeff Blake who rode the pine as a 3rd string QB for five years before being let go and turning into a Top 5 quarterback in the league the following year.

However, I was pleasantly suprised by Mangini's tactic of putting Smith in at the end of the Eagles game. And I was even more impressed the way Smith responded. This kid has real talent. I think Clemens is below average at best. We should have drafted Cutler. But since we got Smith, why don't we put him in? I think as soon as Pennington slips, B. Smith is the man for the job.

Real Jets fans will remember Chris Burket back in the early nineties. This guy could have played any position on the field. He was just pure talent. And he was recognized by being the team MVP two years in a row in '91 and '92.

But anyhow, I just am not looking forward to watching such a great talent wasting away here in New York. I wish for his sake, someone like Pittsburgh should trade for him up because they would use his abilities.

OK, I am falling apart here. I hate being a Jets fan!