What's In A Name?

The ultimate DOH!

Bridget Moynihan had Tom Brady's baby last week. Okay, everyone knows that. The bouncing baby boy had not had a name up until yesterday.

My good friend, Trey Wingo, from NFL Live called and gave me the scoop yesterday afternoon. The boy's full name is (apparently) Julius Edward Thomas Moynihan. For those of us that are slow, that translates to JET Moynihan. J-E-T.

Guess Bridget is pretty cool with being broken up and him banging the 9 other hottest women in the world.

Now, if she had named the boy Dolphin, Brady would really have been upset. That's the team that has given him the most trouble over the years.


Ben Grubbs Should Be Here....

The Pete Kendall tirade and subsequent trade to the always-stupid Washington Redskins has taken its toll of the NY Jets. Now, you have a Division II guard at that spot who only blocked for an option offense at little-known Nicholls State.

Jacob Bender started the Jets/Giants game as the starting left guard next to improving LT D'Brickashaw Ferguson. And you could see the whole line collapse. Pennington and Clemens were sacked a few times and pressured into hurried throws most other times. The Jets O-line looked like it was trying to hold back Hurricane Katrina.

This means that the Jets could possibly have a difficult September. New England, Baltimore, Miami and Buffalo - three teams are in the AFC East and Baltimore is a premier AFC squad. Right from the get-go if the Jets don't go 2-2, AT LEAST, they will be in a hole early in the season.

I know, I know, September doesn't make an NFL champion, but in the very good and crowded AFC, the Jets can't afford to lose ground out of the gate. So the O line better get it together and Chad better start throwing a little harder. I've seen Rodney Harrison already dispensing hits worthy of Jacked Up! and that doesn't bode well for Gang Green receivers that will have time to drink an ice tea and take a shit while they wait for Chad's 22-yard floater pass. Plus, New England has something of a pass rush, so if the J-E-T-S can't run the ball behind that O-line, then Gang Green is D-E-A-D.


Does anyone care?????

The Jets put a beating on the Giants (a preview to the regular season) but does anyone on this blog give a shit?

Importantly, the outcome gives the Jets confidence going into the regular season and bragging rights (at least until the real game). However, Pennington didn't look at great (Washington did on that pass play), the Jets defense was shit on by Eli (of all people) and the Jets' running game without Jones was non-existent. That being said, Clemens threw the ball well and I'm not scared about Chad getting hurt anymore. And they still beat the cunty Giants, so that's good.

I was at a wedding so I missed the game, but it's only pre-season so I could care less. Honestly, pre-season is worthless to watch for me. I am looking forward to the regular season starting, but right now it's baseball season. (See the Mets blog for new post).

Go Jets!


GIANTS VS. JETS (and other crap)...

First of all, did you guys know that apparently, neither the Jets nor the Giants have official cheerleaders? Look at what we are missing:

This is bullshit!

Now down to business. The Giants are playing the Jets this Saturday in their annual preseason game. I have been to several of these games and I can tell you that nobody who has half a brain gives a shit who wins. Like most preseason games, I pray for no injuries to any Jets, and hope that the players get into fighting shape. Certainly, preseason is simply a stage for the non-roster invitees and other hopefuls to make a name for themselves. That usually involves them doing something stupid and injuring themselves or others. While we could have gone to the game this year, I have a wedding to go to and that means my free tickets were given to others more worthy than Unruly, Mooks, etc. No offense to them, it's just that my boss isn't friends with them.

Speaking of the wedding, I'm not going to know a sole (save for the bride and groom) but those are the best types of weddings to go to. I can be Drunky McDrunkerson and nobody is going to remember me (except when I take over the dance floor and become a star for 20 minutes).

Anyway, as for the regular season match-up, our quest for tickets continues. I agree with Unruly's prior comments, we will get into the parking lot and score tickets for fair market value midway through the first quarter. It is pretty much our plan, except that if our buddy from that awesome website "2bhip" belt buckles, hooks us up with free tickets.

As for the Jets, Jones needs to get healthy, Chad needs to step it up, and the D needs to stop the run this year. As for Revis, I hope he's the real deal. Something tells me that he may be.


I'm glad Vick (aka Cunthead) is pleading guilty. It shows a couple of things: 1. He must have done something wrong. 2. You can't fuck with the feds because they are a bunch of cheating fucks who will stop at nothing until they destroy you unless you acquiesce. And 3. His lawyers, if they are worth a pound of salt, spoke to the NFL prior to entering the plea agreement and were given some sort of assurances that Vick's career is not over if he serves his time and makes some atonements. To be honest, I would have thought that the only way Vick plays another down in this country is if he went to trial and won. I'm sure he is guilty though, so he decided to take a chance and I guess hope that the NFL will let him back in one day. I doubt the World Football League or CFL will pay him as much. Shit, I don't even think Unruly's League would allow him to play in it.

Check out the Mets blog, there is a new post on it.

I rented the show "Dexter" and while I have only watched one episode, it is pretty fucking cool. The "hero" is a serial killer who kills other murderers. Interesting. It reminds me of what Figs would be like if he had not managed to suppress his urge to kill. (Thanks to MJ!) ha ha

Music is a wonderful thing. I wish I could play the guitar. Plus, it gets you tons of ass. Speaking of which, Bruce Springsteen is coming out with a new CD this October (Magic). I plan on purchasing same, along with tickets to his ensuing tour. I hope Mooks and Figs and Unruly join me at the concert (or at least Mooks and Unrules, who still live in NJ).

Question of the day:

F, Marry or Kill:

Heidi Klum

Tyra Banks

Sharon Stone

My answer: Kill both Tyra and Sharon (make it look like a murder suicide) and Marry Heidi Klum, because then, hopefully, you get to bang her too. That's why this game is stupid.

Oh yeah, Go Jets!



Camp starts to wind down and there are a few sour notes in Jets land.

MRI on the big free agent's calf? RB Thomas Jones should rightly sit the rest of the pre-season and rehab that calf. Eat bananas maybe.

Darrelle Revis has missed all of training camp. He's acting like he's the No. 1 pick of the draft and then some. Jets may have another draft day lemon. I can't imagine what Revius is thinking, sitting at home while the whole NFL is going on around him. His agent , Tom Condon I believe (?), needs to meet a falling brick with his face while simultaneously stepping on a rake that pops up and hits him in the balls. Take the 6-year fucking deal and be just slightly less rich, is this kid just a dumb country fuck or what???

Read a funny camp report in a Sporting news magazine today. Laverneous Coles was quoted saying that LB Jonathan Vilma is the team's biggest suck-up, hands down. Suck-up is obviously another word for kiss ass. Coles said that the team calls Vilma "Little Penguin", an affectionate poke at head coach Eric Mangini's nickname. Interesting...wonder if Vilma would just pound Coles as he's going over the middle in practice one day for that.


Know Thine Enemy (even if you may only play them in January)

The key to preparing for battle is knowing your enemy. And nothing beats personal, first-hand experience. One could almost qualify my work as espionage, but I prefer to think of it as coincidental reconnaissance. Now that I am safely relocated and living under an assumed name in the Spy-Fan-Witness-Protection-Program, I can provide Jets fans with some cursory details and observations against a potential playoff opponent, the Denver Broncos.

I have been living out this way a while, so I procured some local traditional garb, donned it and went to camp with my camera and binoculars. Securing a sight that provided both visibility and earshot of the coaches, I observed:

The Broncos new acquisitions ( and there are a lot) looked pretty good. There were some dead legs out there but that is to be expected during the stretch of the second week of training camp.
The Broncos appear to be recommiting themselves to the running game. Travis Henry is like a bowling ball with legs, when he starts seeing those seems in the Broncos' famed zone-blocking scheme, he is going to be a nifty runner more than a blazer like Clinton Portis was. Henry could put up Portis-type production if he stays healthy, however.

The Broncos also appear to be going with a base offensive set that is ambiguous to opposing defenses. Mostly two-tight end sets, with the addition of Dan Graham at TE, him and a rotation of Tony Scheffler and Steve Alexander provide the Broncos with the ideal situation of being able to both run the ball and produce yards with their passing game on any given down.

Denver's offensive line has gotten significantly bigger in recent years, which should help their awful Red Zone TD percentage. Having a light, mobile O-line is helpful between the 20-yard lines but you suffer when you get near the goal line and are unable to punch it in.

The Defense was ahead of the offense, with players flying around making plays. Linebackers were coming up with interceptions, cutting the angles down on busted plays in which the QB would sneak. In one notable play, QB Jay Cutler rolled right on a bootleg play action and tried to sneak it, LB Ian Gold came from nowhere flying at him screaming, "Are you kidding me?!" and in the hawk-like swooping stance as if he would completely blow him up if it were a real game.
The defense also dropped a few interceptions.

And it's funny that the LB's were making all sorts of plays on the passing downs, because that means that the QB's were not throwing towards the wicked cornerback combination of Dre Bly and the immortal Champ Bailey, who stands alone, on an island, not only on gameday but in the spotlight of being the best at his position in the NFL.

The Broncos defense base package is the nickel. The very versatile third cornerback Dominique Foworth put in much of practice at John Lynch's free safety spot but also played the nickel corner when not at safety. LB's Ian Gold and DJ Williams will be a bear of a combination. And the Broncos are much, much, much thicker on the defensive line this year. DT's Gerard Warren, Sam Adams and Jimmy Kennedy are huge run-stoppers, and fourth-round draft pick Marcus Thomas from Florida is a diamond in the rough. Thomas is 6' 1", 315 pounds and can do a standing back flip. No shit.

So beware Jet Nation. If Cutler and Henry stay healthy, the Broncos should win the AFC West, besting the Chargers who were gutted of almost their entire coaching staff. Of course, San Diego has the best player in the NFL in LaDanian Tomlinson, or as we Giant fans refer to him - LDT.
But the Broncos always play them tough.

I have a formal report going to Mangini, of Course. But the information is undergoing a sophisticated encryption at the moment in my Enigma machine here. So long as the vans come to get me and whisk me to safety, I'll be allright. Unless the Bronco security happened to notice the big doof standing up front using binoculars and a camera simultaneously and followed me back here. I wonder if the three windowless black vans in front of my house are here to protect or harm me. Guess I'll just open my door and find out...........


D-Town's Jets Jabber

Welcome to Monday, football fans. Why should we be happy that its Monday? Well, today is Monday the 6th of August - that means that NFL training camps are in full swing and teams are gearing up for their first pre-season contests.

The Jets are having a surprisingly quiet camp, and though their Big Blue brethren across town grab all the negative headlines with this Strahan business, the Jets have some issues as well. First round draft pick Darrel Revis' holdout does not bode well. Gang Green was counting on Revis jumping in there and improving a defense trying to crack into the Top Ten. Randy Moss and Tom Brady are looming on the schedule and even if Revis reported today, it is doubtful he would be ready for the steepest matchup challenge of the year.

Veteran Guard Pete Kendall is unhappy with his deal and wants more money. Is it just me, or didn't this same situation arise with Kendall while he was with Arizona and Denny Green, a 'player's coach'. Mangini hails from the Kraft/Pioli/Belichick school, who dangled like a worm on a hook in the trade waters Brady's favorite target and former Super Bowl MVP Deion Branch, never caving in on any holdout demands and letting Branch miss all of training camp and the start of the season before Seattle finally bit and took him. The Patriots parlayed that into draft picks which they in turn traded mostly away this year for more next year and spent uncharacteristically on free agency and trades of veterans like Moss.

Are the Jets management so shrewd? As training camp continues, the urgency builds more on getting the youngster into camp and ignoring Kendall's sour grapes, the Jets can squeeze in a decent guard and the O-line will be allright. Kendall has been pretty vocal in the media and Tannenbaum and the Jets front office do not appreciate THAT any.

Getting Revis in should be the biggest priority. Chad's looking good and with his accuracy and smarts he doesn't make many mistakes. If the defense can take that next step up into a top-10 unit and the Injury Bug doesn't bite too bad, the J-men and Playoff Bound again this year in the ultra-competitive AFC.

Sneaking a victory from the juggernaut Patriots will be a mighty task, but ball control and the fact that Mangini knows that system and those players so well only helps the Jets. Especially if they can beat them up in Foxboro. There will be no sleeping on Buffalo and Miami however. Ronnie Brown could blossom under Cam Cameron, remember what Cameron did with LaDanian Tomlinson all those years? And Trent Green taking over at QB gives the Dolphins a steady-hand game manager much like Chad Pennington. Green has great awareness and accuracy but not a great deep thrower. And the Dolphins have always had a stalwart defense.

Buffalo is going to be tough this year I tell you, as long as they have a running game. Marshawn Lynch looks good.

I'm sure you are all salivating, just like me. September 9th, across the country, there will be feasting and celebrating at thousands upon thousands of NFL Ticket parties. I'm personally pumped for the Thursday night kickstarter game, Saints vs. Colts. Could be a fantasy bonanza right off the bat.

Jets play the Giants TWICE this year! The annual bragging-rights brawl-in-pads that is the final pre-season game every year AND a rare regular season matchup for the Battle of New Jersey. The J vs. the G, in a matchup I would love to come home and see, and get jumped by the rest of my high school friends that are all Jets fans. Especially when the Giants win, Eli goes for 3 TD's, Plax 2, Shockey 1 and Brandon Jacobs ran the fuck over Kerry Rhodes (he's OK though - I really like Rhodes and am considering drafting him) AND late-to-training camp CB Darrel Revis on his way to a 50-yard touchdown romp.

Giants 34, Jets 27.
Mike: $5,000 worth of dental surgery, $10,000 hospital stay, wearing Eli jersey triumphantly in my hospital bed: priceless