Jets screw us by winning today!

This is a picture of Fakehead and myself before we could afford jersey's.

I am predicting that Mangini will put a cherry on top of a miserable season by winning today's game vs. Kansas City and ensuring that we will not have the number 2 draft pick next year.
What will happen is he will start Chad Pennington who will look like Vince Young as he puts on an audition for Herm Edwards and says fuck you to the Jets as he does whatever he has to do to win this one.
I will actually be at the game today with Little Unruly. We are taking one of his buddies and his dad. Oh, the only reason I am going is that we are 20 seats up from the field. But we get one hint of rain or snow and I am staying home.
But you know what, I will be cheering Chad. He did a great job for us. He brought us to the playoffs a few times. He had the spirit of 20 guys. He took a pay cut for us. He got injured like crazy. And our organization is telling him to beat it.
But I tip my hat to Sir Chad. And no matter where he goes, he will always be a Jet. And if I get in shouting distance from him today I will let him know that he will always be our QB.
With that said, my stomach is bothering me. I think I have the HIV. My throat is all weird too. Every night it gets all like horse.
At any rate, I will be wearing my Pennington jersey. L.U. (Little Unruly) will be wearing his Santana Moss jersey (we haven't upgraded yet). Actually, next time I get a Jets jersey it will be like a Nameth or a Gastinau or maybe even a Jeff Lageman jersey. Everytime you get a jersey, they guy switches teams and there goes $100 down the drain.
On that note I have a funny story. Last year I was on this big eBay kick. And to save money I was buying everybodies presents for Christmas on eBay. My nephew (on my wife's side) is a big Mets fan. So I found a Mets jersey with the tags still on it for like $5.00. I was so pyched. So I got it, wrapped it and was actually really excited for the little guy (who was 9 at the time).
When he opened it, there was the name Park (or Nomo) on the back. I am pretty sure it was Park for that Jap who was on the team a few years back. The kid was completely demoralized. I actually felt really bad. Lesson Learned: Always read the descriptions on eBay.
Jets 34
Chefs 33
Gooooooooooooooo Jets!


Musings Of The Mick

Aha! The Achilles heel!

Of course, my team totally shit the bed last week, so who am I to talk, but FINALLY a chink in the armor of the Dallas Cowboys. You take away the big play and make Tony Romo a pocket passer, game manager and you can win. Corralling Juluis Jones and Marion Barber is tough too, but it can be done. ESPECIALLY when the quarterback is being distracted by his new celebrity romance. I mean, c'mon, tell me he doesn't walk into team meetings and everyone is thinking about and joking with him about tapping that ass? Its Daisy Duke for Pete's sake!

Okay, enough about those fuckers. Let's talk Jets. I know last week is probably a sore subject, but it was a game! I didn't like all the Bard Smith though, he made a couple of nice plays, a few first downs, but he also looked like he would fumble or get picked when he threw the ball. You have to be happy about the way they played considering the first Jet offensive play was a pass that sailed right to the Pats' Eugene Wilson which he walked into the end zone with for a three-yard touchdown. In addition, Clemens was down for the count, a victim of a nasty sideways pancake courtesy of DE Richard Seymour. Here is where I realized something: playing Pennington is probably the better move. But who trots out series after series? Chad, the guy who beat them in Foxboro last year? Nope. Brad F'in Smith. I couldn't believe it. And they kept running the same three plays over and over again. It drove me crazy.

But despite all that, the J-E-T-S were still in the game. You gotta be happy about that. Tom Brady threw nary a touchdown, the Jets the first team in the league to do that.

Let's talk draft choice. Who do you think the Jets will pick? Will they trade down for more picks? Miami is going to have the first pick, but what do they do with it? You have Ronnie Brown for the next few years, and he was emerging as a big-time threat in the ground game and through the air catching the ball out of the backfiled. So do they take McFadden of Arkansas? The kid is sick, absolutely sick and loves big games. He beat LSU this year nearly single-handedly and LSU is one of the top defenses in college football and they were entirely keying on McFadden. Yet he still shredded them. I don't see how the Dolphins can resist him. They have an aging defense however, and could maybe select that Dorsey kid from LSU. Then again, their QB situation is a problem so whose to say that they won't pick Broehm from Louisville? Or, they too could trade their pick to someone else for more picks down the line.

Then comes the next pick, NO. 2, which is very up in the air still. The Jets, the Falcons and the Rams all have 3 wins currently. With two games to go that situation can change very quickly. Plus, there is the Ravens, Raiders, Chiefs and 49'ers with 4 wins at the moment. So if none of them win a game from here on out, they will be in the running for that No. 2 pick. I don't think the Jets are going to lose out the season either, so they could really be looking at draft picks 3, 4 or 5 probably. So I ask you, the Jets faithful, who do you draft? What position needs the most immediate help?

Bill Parcells appears interested in becoming the manager of football operations with the Atlanta Falcons. Fucking Damn it! It is sheer anathema to me that he is not in Giants blue. Come manage our shit! You and Coughlin are friends!

I think the Colts are going to give the Pats the ultimate run for their money this time round. They are getting healthier. Not having Dwight Freeney is big, and potentially no Marvin Harrison, but the field and weather conditions don't favor their games anyway. Its all about the Colt O line and Joseph Addai. He runs like a mudder, nimble and great vision and field awareness. The Colt D is very good and getting better for their playoff run. Bob Sanders is the shit. Tell me you guys aren't going to be Colts fans when the AFC Championship rolls around.

I realize the Giants are going anywhere, MAYBE past the first round because we are actually a good football team on the road, but I am sure we are dead after that. I am happy if we win at Buffalo to get in, because there ain't a snowballs' chance in hell we beat the Patriots the last week of the season. Though that is a great game to take Brady out in.

So if Blue can't do it, I'm a Packer fan all the way! Breatt Favre rescued my fantasy season for me. My original QB, Mr. Drew Brees, had me go 0-5 to start the season, then I dumped his ass and went with Old Man Favre. Favre got me to the 8th seed and into the playoffs I went against the No. 1 seed who had Tom Brady, Adrian Peterson AND Chester Taylor, Braylon Edwards, etc. And I won! Our league just ended this weekend and I finished third which means I get my money back. My girlfriend finished in second so she gets 100 bucks, so our household made out pretty well this fantasy year. I understand Unruly has been kicking ass too.

Finally, I had to admit loving watching the Dolphins/Ravens game this past weekend, where Miami earned their first victory of the year. I was rooting for them. It was a great, dramatic finsih too. A 60-yard walkoff TD pass. Scored by a fast white guy no less. Man, it was like they won the Super Bowl. I'm happy for them that they got that feeling for one week this season. So many teams win joylessly these days, it was really nice to see genuine thrill.

Then the Giants blew it, so I went back to being pissed off.

See you F'ers soon!


Quick Predicts

The Mick Returns!!!!

Endless well deserved props go to Fakehead! Great articles.

Here are my (very) early playoff breakdowns:

Lets get the easy part over with:


Dallas and Green Bay obviously have the first round bye. Seattle has its division wrapped up and Tampa virtually has there's. The Giants need to win vs. Washington and they're in as the first wild card and then Minnesota, one dangerous fucking team, looks hungry and headed for that 6 seed.

Predictions past there? I don't mind if I do. You heard it here first folks: Eli Manning gets his first playoff victory at the expense of the Tampa Bay Bucs. The Giants are road warriors this season, so its almost to our benefit to be a wild card. 6-1 right now with one road game to go at Buffalo. The only road loss was the first game of the season at Dallas, in a game that the G-men almost snuck away with. The Giants win at Tampa.
Seattle is a tough place to win at. But the Vikings are a downright nasty, physical football team. I like them to sneak it out at Seattle.

Of course, this is probably where the road ends for these two teams. Dallas is just bananas and lucky. Green Bay hopefully will get healthy and give them a run for their money in Dallas. I'd love it if Favre were in the Super Bowl again.

The AFC is considerably harder to sort out in terms of the Wild Card picture, but here it goes:

Pats and Colts have first round bye and the Steelers face Cleveland for the third time this year, but at Heinz Field where the field is ketchup due to contractural stadium obligations I think the Steelers will prevail yet again, though I love Romeo and what they have going on in Cleveland, Jamal Lewis is a mudder type of RB, but the Steelers win. Jacksonville at the Chargers is harder to call, I like the Jaguars. Of course, this is where it ends for the Steelers and Jaguars and the inevitable showdown at Foxboro between the Colts and the Pats. Addai is the superior runner in this game, but the Colt O line just isn't the same in pass protection this year on the left side, the Pats win, damn it.


Miracle in Massachusetts?

Um, I don't think so.

The Jets travel to Foxboro this Sunday and are currently favored to LOSE by 24 points. To be honest, I think that is giving the Jets more credit than they deserve. Let's face it, these Jets are not the Jets of 1969, who were 18 point underdogs in Super Bowl III against the Baltimore Colts, who were 13-1 at the time. Ah, to have those days back, Where have you gone, Joe Namatheo?

There are several reasons for the Pats to run up the score on the Jets, (Spygate, Mangina, Bellicunt is a fuckstick, etc.) but I think the Patriots OWE the Jets for getting them all fired up this season. Were it not for the Jets ratting out the Pats, then they would have no motivation to go undefeated and show the world they can win without cheating. What other motivation do they have? They are a bunch of jerkoffs otherwise, with nothing to prove, everyone knows they are awesome, they are all fucking models, whether those models are their wives or not, and so on. So fuck them. They should BE GRATEFUL the Jets alerted the NFL about their reindeer games! So grateful they should at least take Tom Brady out of the game when it is 73-0. We'll see.

Honestly though, I hope that the Jets can put some points on the board and at least make it interesting. In a perfect world, they would knock Brady out of the game, but that could be a double-edged sword if Cassel comes in and still kicks the Jets' asses.

My legit prediction is: Pats 59 Jets 17. I hope I am WRONG and it is a lot closer, but I'm scared.


1. MLB is a mess. This whole Mitchell Report this is a disaster. I know roids fucked up the game, but as long as they try to keep it out from now on what can you do about what happened in the past? Is everyone going to get an asterisk? Besides, where is the concrete proof any one of these guys took roids besides a fucking rat singing to make his jail sentence a few years less. It's bullshit. I wouldn't trust half of the "sources" the report cites, but they apparently do. Of course Clemens and certain hitters were on roids. I was suprised about Paul Lo Duca, but fuck him, he is a National now anyway. At least Beltran and Wright weren't named. The fact remains, however, that you can take as many drugs as humanly possible, but they haven't figured out a drug you can take so you hit .345 every year, react to a Pedro Martinez curveball or see a Mariano fastball before they end up in the catcher's mitt. Hitting a baseball is fucking hard to do, no matter how many illegal drugs you take! So I am conflicted about it all, but in the end I don't really give that much of a shit, because like all sports, it has no real effect on my life.

2. The GMen play the Redskins this week. I think the Giants should win this game. Washington really isn't that good. I guess we'll see who shows up to play at QB for the Giants this year. It will be Peyton Manning's little brother or the retarded kid from "Life Goes On" or maybe a combo of both (retard in first half, little bro in second). I don't understand how Jacobs is always injured. What a fucking pussy. He needs to man up because the Giants need him.

3. I heard a rumor that Jake Gyllenhall has agreed to play Joe Namath in a film about the Jets QB. That would be pretty fucking cool. I hope it happens. I'm not a huge fan of Jake, I always confuse him with SpiderMan (the actor who plays him). They are like, the same actor. One should kill the other, because the living murderer one would get all the dead one's parts offered to him. Anyway, they should make more movies about football. I would watch them in the theater or rent them. (Although I haven't seen "Invincible" yet).

4. I cannot wait to see "I Am Legend." It looks awesome. Something about the last man on earth thing always gets me. Plus, I like how it is just him and his dog. Unfortunately, it looks like the dog doesn't make it. That would be pretty depressing for me to watch, because I am going to be miserable the day my precious dog dies. I fucking worship my dog.

There she is at the beach. She loves the beach. Honestly, nothing beats a dog as a pet. That animal will love you no matter what. That's why I was pretty happy Vick got 23 months. The guy deserved some time. I hope that these other dog fighting fucks will close up shop for the deterrent value of the sentence alone.

5. It's almost Christmas. This year I asked the fat douchebag in the red suit for money, money and mo money. That motherfucker better deliver. On a serious note, I was watching Family Guy the other night but I only caught the end of it. Well, Brian the Dog and Stewie were in Colorado and Stewie lost some skiing race and the two ended up not having a way to get back home so they carjacked some guy. It had to be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Something about that dog Brian is the best. Maybe it's the fact that he talks, or maybe because he drinks, I don't know, but it's comic gold.

6. Finally, hot or not? This week's selection is none other than the Dutchess herself, Fergie Motherfuckin' Ferg

I am almost 98% sure she is hot, but sometimes she looks like a French whore on crack. (See first photo above). Some guys like that sort of thing though, so I am going to go with a "hot" for her. Plus, she does have those "lovely lady humps" whatever the fuck those are (fucking weirdo Black Peas).

GO JETS!!!!!!!!!


A bunch of crap. Read it or don't - I don't give a fuck. (GO JETS)

First things last, the Jets battle the stupid Browns this weekend. The Browns are surprising a lot of people as they are 7-5 and could be headed to the postseason. Derek Anderson, who was cast off by another team, has found a new home in Cleveland (mostly because my 5 year-old niece is a better professional quarterback than Charlie Frye) and is playing well. So well that the Browns have to figure out what to do with gay Brady Quinn, their number one draft choice. (I have to tell you, judging from those Subway commercials Quinn is in, he is has a lot to learn about how to act and throw. He throws those sandwiches like some stinkbox girl).

I think that Anderson is saying "BAAAAALLLLLLLSSSSSS" in the photo above.

Anyway, the Browns defense is crappy, so the Jets have a chance. However, the Browns' offense is fucking good, Mr. Anderson, Drug Dealing Jamal and B. Edwards at WR are legit threats, not to mention that dolt Winslow who almost killed himself on a fucking motorcycle. The Jets' defense is going to have to step it up big time, or their offense is. That being said, I think it is going to be close, and both teams are going to score some points. It is the Browns' game to lose though, because the Jets have nothing to lose and the Browns are playing for the playoffs. That means they are more likely to make the bed the color of their uniforms, as they say.

Interestingly, both Kellen Clemens and Derek Anderson are from Bumblefuck, Oregon (pronounced ORE-GON not ORE-GIN for those of you who are retarded). They actual battled in the Oregon State Playoffs and twice in college, where Clemens went to Oregon and Anderson went to Oregon State. Clemens only beat Anderson once, and Anderson's numbers were better overall. However, I think it is pretty cool that they are meeting up again in the NFL.

If I had the time (and talent) and didn't write all these gay blogs I would write a movie based on these two, or least based on 2 rival quarterbacks from bumblefuck towns in weird states that play in high school, college and eventually the pros and SuperBowl (just to make it interesting). In my movie, one of the QBs would be a fucking drunk, womanizing fuckhead but a great leader on the field. (I.e., the opposite of Eli Manning, who I will discuss later). The other QB will be a family guy who is also a great leader, but not a fucking drunken mess and womanizer. Basically it would be like Micky Mantle and Roger Maris, but they are on different teams. There would have to be a few scenes of them meeting (Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro in "Heat" style) but they would have to hate one another. The question is, who would play these two? I'm thinking Leonardo DiCaprio could play one of them (more on him later) and maybe Heath Ledger as the drunk quarterback, but I'm not sure how big Ledger is. You could always throw a girl in the mix, like sober QB is married to one of the stinkboxes drunk QB used to bang or something, but it might be better just to focus on the football. Maybe you have one of the drunk QB's teammates die and it changes him right before the playoffs start and he gets his shit together to make a run to the Super Bowl. I don't know, it's a work in progress. It would be funny, dramatic and action packed, with plenty of tits, trust me. I don't want Michael Bay directing it though, maybe somebody like Ridley Scott. (Like he would EVER!). For the coaches, maybe James Gandolfini for drunk QB (always yelling at him) and Ving Rhames for sober QB's coach. For the drunk QB's father you will strike box office gold if Jack Nicholson agrees to do it, and he's crazy enough he probably would. For the ladies, you have to find a spot for the Transformers girl and the cheerleader from the TV Show Friday Night Lights, Minka Kelly or something? She is a piece of ass.

Anyway, enough of that nonsense.

Let's going into the "Bag O' Crap" to see what other shit I have talk about today.

1. Rumor has it Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to be friends with his ex-girl Giselle (granted, the "rumor" part is something I learned while reading one of my wife's awful tabloid magazines while I was pinching a loaf earlier in the week). But it begs an interesting question, which would you rather be, a hall of fame quarterback who wins 4 superbowls or a world-famous actor? Granted, I am and will never be either, but whatever. The reasoning behind this question is straightforward, what gets you more glory (and ass).

Above is Tom Brady's girlfriend. Have I mentioned that he also knocked up an actress? Granted, the actress is okay, she's no Giselle, but she's still pretty good looking. Anyway, if you are a world famous QB then you have fame and fortune and ads but you are only "hot" for so many years. Granted, I'm sure Dan Marino still can get laid at will, but do you think Terry Bradshaw is banging as many chics as Jack Nicholson? It's not even close. I bet you that if it is between John Elway and Jack Nicholson for the girl below (who is apparently some sort of actress) that it's Jack in a heartbeat.

Granted, playing a sport and being awesome at it and being part of a team and winning championships would be fucking AWESOME. What's the super bowl of acting? Winning an Oscar. Big fucking deal. If little gay Italian dudes can win them then you aren't more of a man for winning one. A Super Bowl makes you a fucking man, because there are 300 lb guys looking to literally kill you on the field. Winning an Oscar meant you had to deal with catered food while you were "on location" for a few fucking weeks. Not to mention the fact, if you play a "mental" you are in the running to win an Oscar, when if you are a "mental" then you can't even play football. Wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Oh yeah, my point is, when it comes to ass, acting probably gets you more in the long run. Nobody give the fuck about some old quarterback, but an old actor can get a young actress a job just for blowing him.

Glory can go either way, but football has the opportunity for both personal and team glory, when acting is pretty much an individual thing. Plus, let's face it, sure, being an actor is sort of a gay job, even you have to "work out" for a role you have a personal trainer and you could be a super hero on the screen and a homo in real life. Plus you have to deal with crazy annoying people, whereas football is pretty cut and dry, either you are good or you're not, you get paid money, you don't have to worry about annoying or eclectic directors, producers, etc., "selling out" etc. I don't know, acting is an "easier" job I would say, especially because you don't usually run the risk of getting killed or paralyzed or not being able to walk when you are 50 (except of course if you are related to Bruce Lee) but football would be much more fun. Granted, when you are an actor you can do all sorts of drugs and drink and be crazy and you don't get "suspended" from acting. So that's cool. There are "cross-overs" like OJ Simpson and players can always be announcers and shit like that after they are done playing, but girls don't give a shit about the host of "Gameday Live" or else Chris Berman would have 10 illegitimate kids. So in the end, I would want to play football and have a nice run of women and glory (and I would be drunk a lot too, especially in the off-season). Acting is too much work and it could last forever. Plus the fucking paparazzi. I wish all the paparazzi would die horrible, awful deaths. They all blow.

2. Brooke Burke is still fucking hot.

I don't know how old she is, maybe she is in her 30s, which is like 120 in model years, but damn she is hot. I forget what she is famous for, maybe being on E! I think, and obviously modeling. But she is definitely the type of girl an actor/producer dates. She would be good for the best years of a football player's career too. For example, Tony Romo, Derek Anderson, Vince Young could probably bag Burke, but Chad Pennington wouldn't have a chance. He's probably kicking himself for not taking advantage of his starting status as far as poon-tang goes.

3. Did you know there is a third Manning child? His name is Cooper, and he is eldest of the three. He is the tallest in the photo below, and looks the goofiest. Peyton has a smug look on his face, and Eli, well, he looks cute to be honest (besides his awful clothes).

Cooper was an All-State WR and played on the same HS football team as Peyton, who was the QB. Of course, Cooper had 76 catches for over 12oo yards that year. Before he went to college he started having numbness in his hand and fingers and eventually he was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, which is a narrowing of the spinal canal. Basically, he had to get surgery, could never play football again and had to relearn how to walk. I think this story is interesting because was Archie Manning that fucking good at football? I mean, Christ, he was before my time but he almost got all of his sons to the NFL. Cooper is fine by the way, he makes money and lives in New Orleans with his wife and kids and blah blah blah. I have to be honest, I would have enjoyed seeing Peyton throw passes to his brother. That would have been a good story. Maybe the talent gene in the Manning family decreases with each child. Maybe Cooper was the best, Peyton is great, and Eli is like Danny DeVito in the "Twins" movie.

Speaking of Eli, rumor has it he screams like a girl when he is about to get sacked and every week he has to request new pants as his are stained with defecation from when is about to be hit. That's just a rumor I heard, it may or may not be true.

4. My furnance is 21 years old. It was just repaired (thanks to PSE and G's "Worry Free" Contract) and they said I will have to get a new one soon. This blows. They cost around 4-5 grand. The worst part is, if the "heat exchanger" cracks then carbon monoxide will poison my house and kill everyone inside. Yes, we have a CM alarm, but my family's life is going to depend on a fucking Duracel battery? It's a scary thought. I don't care about me, but I don't want anything happening to the rest of my family or my dog (Cat I could give or take). Fucking carbon monoxide. Bullshit.
4. On a serious note, another jerkoff stupid loser went on a shooting spree in Nebraska. This drives me so nuts I can't even take it. He wanted to "go out in style" and be "famous" according to news reports. Honestly, if I was related to one of the victims, I would sue NBC and the rest of the media outlets for making that stupid zip who shot up Virgina Tech famous by airing his "manifesto" last year. These crazy losers who can't get laid get guns and kill people, then they are proclaimed as the anti-Christ and any myspace, video, diary, etc. they write/shoot becomes their legacy and if you watch the news it is shoved down your throat and analyzed by experts and blah blah blah. It only enables the next stupid cunt to pick up his gun and "go out in style." SO I say sue the major networks for intentional infliction of emotional distress, something, just put it out there so maybe networks won't be so quick to make these psychos' "fame" last one second longer than after the bullet they shoot to kill themselves penetrates their skull. (Pussies, all of them, by the way). Who cares if it gets dismissed, they will have to pay lawyers to defend themselves and maybe something good will come out of it. I'm fucking serious about this. It has to stop.
Plus, as I've said before, can anyone learn something from Flight 93 during 9-11? Fight fucking back! Nobody wants to confront these fucks, who as long as they aren't shooting right at you aren't paying attention to one or two people. Use anything as weapons to try to stop these lunatics so more people don't get killed. I know it is easier said than done, but there is no other option.
Finally, all these kids need is to get laid or some fucking alcohol. That would help these stupid, loser geeks to stop writing about Satan in their notebooks or myspace pages and help them see that the world is a lot better than they think it is (at least until they get older and realize that it's not). Fuck their parents too, and their families. Asleep at the switch is an understatement.
6. Finally, I hate Rolling Stone magazine. My subscription runs out in February, but I may cancel it earlier. It's so ultra-liberal I just can't take it anymore. I'm not even conservative, but it drives me nuts! Anything anti-Bush or anti-government is awesome and the best. Movies, albums, artists all get great reviews if they are anti-Bush, pro-environment, etc. I mean, RS actually believes Bush caused 9-11. They also blame the entire war on drugs on the Bushes, when not for nothing, it was well engaged by the time Bush Jr. took over, so why not blame it on Clinton as well? Democrats can do NO wrong according to RS! It's so one-sided it is a joke. In their "Signs of the Apocalypse" article they cite the number one "sign" that Imus is going back on the air. This means the world is going to end. I have a question, what happened to free speech? Imus (and I don't like the guy and what he said was dumb, joke or not) apologized and did everything humanly possible to make amends and he still got fired. Now he is back, big fucking deal, don't listen to him! What a joke.
On a side note, and I'm ending on this, is that I had a buddy who I used to work with named Pat Charles. That was his whole fucking name. I loved that guy's name. He used to work for RS. We lost touch after we stopped working at Bennigan's together. I saw him while I was working at another restaurant and he was out to eat with friends and he told me once that he would send me some shit from RS. Two weeks later, true to his word, he sent me a few issues and a RS hat, which I still have to this day. The guy was a gentleman and a scholar. Anyway, ever since then, I wanted to name my pet or kid "Pat Charles" for a girl, "Patricia Charles" but alas, my wife won't let me. Needless to say, I don't think he works for RS anymore, so fuck those fucking assholes, they can go shit in a hat.
GO JETS!!!!!!!


An Interview with Sam Garnes

Former NFL defensive back Sam Garnes spent some time with me this week talking about something that he feels very strongly about; helping young athletes to be the best they can be.

The 6’3, 225 lbs Garnes spent 7 years in the NFL from 1997 to 2004. He was drafted by the Giants in the fifth round and played with them for five years. He was a big part of their defense when they played in the Superbowl in 2000. Then he spent the remaining two years as a part of the Jets, helping them to make the playoffs as well.
Within a few minutes of talking to Garnes, I realized that football was not something that he just fell into, but something he worked really hard at achieving. Garnes’ message he wants to get across to young athletes is that if they want to move to the next level they need to work for it.

He said that many people he played with in high school were at the same talent level as him but didn’t have the right guidance to take it to the next level. “Our running back was Sheldon Cooper. He was definitely good enough to play in the NFL.”

Currently Garnes spends a lot of his time running clinics, camps and one-on-one trainings to help players get to that next level. His approach is all about teaching fundamentals so athletes can improve their skills necessary to excel in football. His goal is to help the people like Cooper who with the right direction and coaching can make it to the next level.
Garnes would really like to see football have more resources dedicated to it in the tri-state area. “In Texas they play football year round. There are so many talented players in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Connecticut. If there were more focus on developing these kids, this area would put out a lot of great players to colleges and pro's.”
“There is so much money pumped into this area and they should really allocate more to sports for kids. In the city, kids either do battle on the streets or on the playing field.” Garnes said. “When the season ends, the kids go back to the streets.”

Garnes works in partnership with Primo Sports in Florida, NY and Legends Resort & Country Club Vernon, NJ to help youngsters learn skills from a real professional. His football academy is set up for youngsters from 9 to 14 years old. “We want to get them started young before high school because at that level the coaches bring them to football camps in the summer.”
Garnes also spends time doing private training lessons for many local high school atheletes who are serious about excelling. “Being a defensive back, you get to know about every position. I help quarterbacks with their three-step drops. I teach running how to run. We teach runningbacks how to run. We teach the right fundamentals so when they are on the field it just comes as an instint.”

Earlier this year, he helped out with the Montclair High School football team, which ended up making it to the State Finals in Giants Stadium.

When Garnes was in High School at DeWitt Clinton High School in the Bronx, he was a defensive back and a wide receiver. Then he was given a scholarship to go to the University of Cincinnati. “I considered myself a wide receiver. I thought I was going to be the next Al Toon or Jerry Rice. But in college they thought I would be better at defensive back.”

Garnes attributes his attitude to his success on the field. “When I was in college, I had an edge that since I was from New York I was tougher than everyone. Not that that was necessarily true, but that was the motivation I used. Our coach said to use whatever motivation works for you, and that is what I did. I told myself that I was better than the kids from Texas and Florida, because I grew up in New York City.”
On his vision to get to the NFL, Garnes said, “I knew I was good enough to play in the NFL. When I was in college my friends used to bust on me because I was so confident about getting to the NFL. It wasn’t a question of ‘NFL or bust’; it was ‘I am going to the NFL’. I didn’t matter, I was going to work as hard as possible and do whatever I needed to do to get to that level.”

Once in the NFL, Garnes made the most of his opportunity. In his first game as a pro, he intercepted a pass and returned it 95 yards for a touchdown vs. the Eagles. “That moment let me know that I could play at this level.”

He also discussed what it was like playing at the Superbowl. “I can’t even describe in words. It was just a dream come true. The two weeks before the whole country is just focused on the game you are about to play. It was really amazing to watch all those camera flashes coming from the stands during that first kickoff.”

Garnes also talked about how he understands how deflating it was to lose that big game. “It was like you worked so hard and played at the highest level you possibly could to get there. I understand how difficult it is for teams to come back and do it again.”

Garnes actually retired in 2003 after starting every year for the seven years he played. “I played a very emotional and physical type of game. My mind and passion were still there, but your body just cannot bounce back as easily when you get older. It was really hard to retire.”

Now Sam lives in New Jersey and is dedicated to using his experience to helping others. If you are interested in talking to Sam or getting private or group training from him just go to his website at http://www.samgarnesfbc.com/ or email him at sg@samgarnesfbc.com.


Goodbye No. 1 Draft Pick, Hello Integrity!

The Jets won a game yesterday, and I am fucking proud of them. As I have always said, I would take wins over playing for draft picks, I don't care if McFadden from ARK is available or not.

The Jets kicked some major ass yesterday, beating the Dolphins 40-13! They had three sacks (one by our boy Harris) and three interceptions (one by Rhodes - awesome read; and Revis, the rookie can play) and scored 4 offensive TDs. Who were these guys?

Let's start off with the man who inspires these bastards, LC. Coles played despite having an injury that would have kept most pussies out for two more weeks.

He had 5 catches for 69 yards, including a great 32 yard catch on a well thrown ball by Roger Clemens. Speaking of Clemens, the kid wasn't too shabby, going 15-24 for 236 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT. Granted, it's only the Dolphins, but it should give him some confidence going into a game next week (Cleveland) that is winnable.

The defense played great (Rhodes with his 4th INT) and showed some signs of life, thank God. My man Jonathan Vilma was on the sideline on crutches watching the team, which is good news for me, because maybe it means that he doesn't want to go anywhere next year. There has to be room for both him and Harris, and the defense would be much better with both of them on the field.

Finally, Jonesey finally FUCKING SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! I even started him on my fantasy football team because I had a feeling this would be the week. He carried the ball 24 times for 75 yards and a score. Thank Fucking God.

L Wash was great and a nice transition from Jonesy, running 10 times for 68 yards and two scores. I love that fucking guy. The best part about L Wash is that you can tell he loves to fucking play.

Ted Nugent has been much better, making the 17th of his last 18 FGs. But Ben Graham continued to be shitty, with two punts for less than 40 yards (1 26 yards and the other 35). Do we have to send this fuck back to Australia in a body bag? What the fuck? Maybe he should go back to that fucking island and play rugby with the rest of the convicts there. F him unless he punts better.

Other than that, as I Jets fan I cannot complain this week. Again, it was only the Dolphins, but still.

I would rather have the Jets win games then play for a fucking draft pick. I want to see them beat the Cunty Patriots in Foxboro and spoil their undefeated season. Of course, I know that is a pretty much a pipe dream. They will have to score 56 points to beat the Pats and sack Brady a bunch of times, and neither is likely to happen. But, I digress.



1. The Giants - I don't think I need to rip into Eli Manning, the press in NY is doing a good enough job of that. But in the end, the guy woke up from his suck-induced coma and engineered a drive down the field at Soldier Field to win the game. I don't know why his head was so far up his ass the first 3 quarters but I can't fault the guy too much because he won the game on that last drive. Although, if it weren't for the Giants defense and Rex Grossman (in general) then the G-Men aren't even in that game. So, a victory is a victory for you Giants' fans, but the question remains, what is up with dude Eli? Is it because his name is so gay? Is he retarded? Sometimes I think he is, which is great for retarded people, because it shows you can be a QB in the NFL. He looks a little retarded, a little slow. I will call him "special" either way.

2. The Redskins - after the tragic loss of Sean Taylor they started the game on defense with 10 guys. I don't know whose idea that was, but it was fucking brilliant. Honestly, shit like that is why I like sports, the camaraderie, the teamsmanship (is that a word), the whole fox-hole mentality, I fucking love it. I love team sports and I feel bad for Taylor's family (although his stinkbox half-sister has some sort of link to the alleged perps, so F her). Of course, the 'Skins shit the bed and lost the game, which is a pretty lame send-off to ST, but what can you do. Unfortunately, dead players don't always spurn victories. (Although it did for Newark West Side, who won their state championship 20-0 (interestingly, the deceased player's number was 20). If it definitely helped teams win, I would kill Andre Dyson on the Jets, because it would improve the team and maybe help inspire them. Basically, it would be a win-win even if the Jets didn't win.

3. The word "Stinkbox" is probably one of the best made-up words ever. Or it at least holds a place in the top 5 if there is such a list. It is probably as offensive as the word "Cunt" but it doesn't pack such a punch, so you could try to get away with it every once and a while. I didn't make the word up, my buddy did, and he is like Stiffler from American Pie, so you can see how he could come up with such an awesome word. It is one of the many reasons why I look up to him.

Regardless, if you want to use the word to insult a girl without actually calling her an "SB" (another great way to mask the word, just call a girl an "SB", and they won't know what to do), ask her if she got her minor in "Stinkboxology" in college. That always gets them angry, but not as angry as if you actually called them a stinkbox.

4. It's almost Christmas, that means people want donations. A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I went to Wal-Mart and the fucking Salvation Army dude was there ringing his fucking bell. Well, I put a DOLLAR in his stupid bucket (which isn't a bucket anymore, it's a hanging plastic container with an opening the size of the a nun's twat) and the fucking stupid fuck of a "Santa" was shooting the shit with some other hillbilly and didn't see me put the dollar in. Feeling like Costanza, I actually stood by the container for about 7 seconds afterword with my hand near the opening so the "Santa" would see me and acknowledge me. However, the stupid shithead was talking to Bobby Joe or whatever the fuck the other guy's name was about probably fucking their sisters or the sale on Dale Earnheart stickers for their pickups and he never turned around. I went in and bought whatever it is I needed at that awful cheap store and came out and the fucking Santa was there and of course I had to pass him, and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" and looked right at me, I said "You too" and walked by without putting anything in the red twat. Then, shithead that I am, I forget to pick something up while in the store, so while I was there, I decided to go back in and get the item (I think it was a shower curtain or something). So I walked in past "Santa' again and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" again to me, so I said "Happy Thanksgiving" to him, without paying heed to the ringing bell or stupid fucking donation bucket. When I left I had to pass him again and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" again. I just shook my head at the guy and refused to put more money in his tight stinkbox. Either he was being a complete jerkoff and busting my balls, or maybe he was just a drunk stupid fuck who actually didn't remember saying Happy Thanksgiving to me 3 times.

The point of this story is that there is no point donating money if nobody sees you do it. Just fucking forget it. You know what that jerkoff Santa thinks of me? He thinks I am some cheap asshole in a suit who doesn't care about the Salvation Army. He probably thinks I am a jew too. Well, he is right about one thing, I don't give a flying fuck about the Salvation Army, but I ain't Jewish, and I do want people to think I give a shit, especially during the holidays, so I will give a few dollars here and there so as to avoid the appearance of being cheap and/or jewish. (Disclaimer: I'm kidding, not all Jewish people are cheap!)

5. Megan Fox from Transformers is hot, but crazy with all those tats.

Why doesn't she just carry around a fucking book with all those sayings. The easy joke would be to any guy LUCKY enough to get her naked, "Am I supposed to read you or fuck you?"


GO JETS!!!!!!