5.10.2007

Globalization Hits the NFL


I read a post on ESPN.com a few minutes ago about the National Football League expanding its regular season schedule to 17 games. Now, we all know that the current season is 17 weeks long and each team enjoys one bye week, bringing each team's total of regular season games to 16.

The catch is, the NFL wants to take away the final pre-season game and make it a regular season game....except it is played in a foreign country.

Rightly so, the NFL doesn't want to take away a home game from 8 cities each season which would alienate the rabid fan base. But the League plainly wants to follow the international appeal of other sports for financial reasons. For example, a little known but scrappy reserve on the Denver Nuggets is a guy named Linas Kleiza, a second-year player originally from Lithuania. His fan base in Lithuania is huge, they love all Lithuanians who make it to the NBA, Ardonis Sabonis to name another.

The appeal of Yao Ming, Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki cannot be denied. They make their countrymen proud and sell TV rights and merchandise in untapped markets. China, Canada and Germany now tune in on a regular basis. Look at the San Antonio Spurs - Tim Duncan is from the Virgin Islands, Manu Ginobli and Francisco Omberto are from Argentina. Francisco Elson is from the Netherlands. Tony Parker is from France.

Major League Baseball is the same way. Players from Asia are all the rage these days. Latin players have enjoyed success and popularity for a long time in the sport.

Hockey.

Tennis.

Skiing, chess, pictionary, etc.

But those sports are actually PLAYED in other countries. American football is a curiosity, if not mostly an afterthought to Europeans. I saw American Sports bars in Amsterdam however (the Dutch rule). But somehow, it doesn't sit right with me sharing this with the rest of the world.

You know, we were forced, more or less, to share the secrets of splitting the atom with our wartime allies (albeit we weren't going to tell the Russians but they had spies in the Franklin Roosevelt White House Cabinet and found out anyway. Stalin stared daggers across the table in Yalta at Churchill and Roosevelt). But we needed their continued cooperation to ensure victory over the Germans and Japanese.

It is not so in this case.

Why should we let them in? They are only going to scoff and criticize (most of them, some will dig it and those guys are cool) and use it to bash us some more. But really, where the fuck would they be right now if it hadn't been for the USA?

From 1919 on, they would've been speaking German.

Fortunately, they had killed each other so much and we weighed in and got the Germans to go back. Almost quite literally, the Germans didn't lose a battle until the last year of World War I.

So Europe got lucky we came in. Then, they use that precarious pedestal and inflated bragadaccio to levy some of the harshest penalties in history upon the defeated nation, guaranteeing that hate and warmongering would fester. But the pompous asses sat there for twenty years and taxed the shit out of them and took all their raw materials, they chuckled as hyperinflation soared and mass starvation gripped Germany.

Then Hitler came along and ran over 13 countries in 3 years. England, the island, was lucky that Hitler decided to occupy Russia first. Good thing for the Brits 'ole Adolph was on meth during those decision-making days.

WHO was secretly supplying nearly ALL England, France and Russia's wartime material to fight the Nazis? WHO contributed scientists that cracked the German Enigma transmission code and won the war? WHO REBUILT THE SHIT WHEN THERE WAS NOTHING BUT RUBBLE?

AND WHO WAS NEVER PAID BACK?

........................................................................................................My point is, football is a sacred American tradition. It is (by far and away) the most profitable of the professional sports. They make billions of dollars in the USA alone. How much more fucking money do you need?

My beloved Giants are traveling to London this season. To a stadium crowd that is rumored to number 200,000. The G-men better bring a gondola, because the Dolphins will be able to safely swim out the rivers of piss that will be flowing in those London streets that night. I saw more English guys pissing and singing in public, I couldn't believe it. And friends that live in London tell me that pissing in the streets is a huge problem. Fucking disgusting. THIS from the people that INVENTED the toilet!

Roger Goodell, if your spies are combing football blogs, hear this message:

KEEP FOOTBALL HERE !!!!!!

21 comments:

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

Figgy, I never knew you were so anti-Europe. I know some English people and they are disgusting.

It would be nice to keep our sport here but any sized protest would be squashed bc of the mighty dollar my friend. A European and Asian expansion is inevideble. And as far as business is concerned, it is probably the smartest move ever.

I didn't know Tony Parker is French. Good blog. Good job researching all those players and where they are from.

Anonymous said...

George Bush Was Arrested For Indecent Exposure!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, this is the link I meant to provide: Fakehead Is Anna Nicole Smith's Baby's Daddy!

Anonymous said...

Dont think you are off the hook Figs...Figgy the Mick Has HIV / AIDS!

Figgythemick said...

Oh, did I mention that I contracted HIV from Anna Nicole Smith? Oooops.

Don't worry Faker, new research suggests that circumcised men are more resistant to contracting the disease. Now if we would just stop taking it in the ass and sharing our heroin needles, we'd be fine....

I am only anti-Europe when it comes to sharing American football. We've already disclosed everything we have, they didn't WANT football. So fine, we'll fucking keep it.

And Europeans are pretty dirty and disgusting.

fakedad said...

I agree, keep football here. We don't want soccer or rugby.

Figgythemick said...

I'm cool with them. Rugby is actually fun as shit. I've played a few times out here.

But they don't touch the fun I have while playing football. 4th of July game?

On Her Majesty's Secret Service said...

Rugby and soccer are both awesome. You monkey fucking pussies with your pads and weeks off in between games. Real men play real sports...

As for War I suppose your country is pretty good at it...have you won a war in the last fifty years? Korea, Viet Nam, Iran-Contra, Bush War I & Bush War II you got a war for me, I got a war for you.

Suck on it you fucking American cock suckers.

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

Was that VanSegren? At any rate, whoever that guy is he is angry. Which now that I think about it, stop feeling sorry for yourself Shady.

Figgy the Uncle Sam said...

Guess we lost Vietnam. 50,000 American casualties, 5,000,000 Vietnamese casualties.

I guess I touched a nerve, truth usually provokes such responses. Ever hear of the Marshall Plan?

When Europe can figure out how toilets are supposed to work and personal hygiene, than they can talk. Until then, stop copying everythinmg we do. You hate us, but want to be us. That must be exhausting.

And if a European athlete put on those pads and tried to play American football, they would know why we rvere it so. Every tackle is like being in a car accident in the NFL. We employ the biggest, strogest humans on the planet.

Oh yeah, we won the Cold War. Nuff said. The 38th parallel still exists in Korea today, right where we left it.

Iran-Contra wasn't a war. Nice try though, we sold weapons to Iran to fight Iraq while simultaneously funding and training revolutionaries in Central America to install a puppet government for us.

fakelovesamerica said...

I like Figgy's response. Good one Figs. Go America! I think we won the Persian Gulf War, of course, that war led to the current debacle, but I think if one were keeping stats that would go in the "W" column. Either way, wars blow for everyone involved.

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

Hey, we are getting about 1,000 hits a month on our blog. Granted many of those is us, but there are still a lot of people visiting our blog.

No too bad for a couple of crazy Jet fans!

Figgythemick said...

Yeah, I have to not offend our European friends.

Keep it up Unruler!

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

I thought it was funny that you post an article about globalization in the nfl and some European actually reads it. People are reading this blog Figs, and wait till I start my interviews from the parking lot. That is when the windfall will happen.

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

Do you guys like "Fakehead's Quote of the Week Segment" of this blog? Do you like this weeks quote?

fakehead said...

I thought it was funny because it makes me sound like a complete homo. I'm surprised you didn't use my anal discussion for this week's quote. That shit was quotable. (It was in a comment for some recent posting).

Unruly Jets Fan: said...

You have a lot of pressure on you know bc I am going to be scanning your comments and posts to get the Fakehead Quote of the week. One "I think puppies are cute" and it is going right up on your quote corner.

Figgythemick said...

To quote Team America:

America! Fuck Yeah! Coming To Save The Motherfucking Day! Yeah!

Anonymous said...

Funny how nobody outside america sees american football as having any worth. Kind of like how nobody outside of Japan sees sumo wrestling as having any worth.

American football = sumo wrestling = irrelevant worldwide

Anonymous said...

Hi! Great idea, but will this really work?

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