11.19.2007

It's a fucking miracle, I was right for once! Go Jets!

Well, my pseudo-prediction came to fruition last night, as the Jets dominated the Pittsburgh Steelers 19-16 in overtime. Clemens (14 for 31 162 1 TD, 1 INT) fucked up several times but in the end he did his job and led the team down the field to set up a FG to put the game into OT. And then in OT after the Jets D stopped the Steelers on a 3 and out L Wash gave the Jetropolitans great field position with a great punt return to set up the winning field goal, which Ted Nugent actually made. Yeah!!!!!






Thomas Jones was solid as usual, yet he couldn't get into the fucking endzone yet again. He hasn't scored since he was a Bear. Regardless, he ran for 117 yards on a defense that only lets up 72 yards or so every game. And the Steelers hadn't allowed a 100 yard rusher since 2000 fucking 5! Great job OLine and Mr. Jones!



The defense, WOW! It was like they were a different team! 7 fucking sacks! I think Ben Rothensburger or whatever the fuck his name was like Butch Cassidy and kept asking his linemen, "Who are those guys?" They held Willie Parker to 52 yards and made some key stops during the game.

The fact that the Jets couldn't get more than a few field goals despite being inside the 10 yard line 4 times (they did score 1 TD) doesn't bode well for next week, when they play the 9-1 Cowboys, but at least they won this week.

To be honest, I'd like to think that Curtis' presence at the game had something to do with this victory. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was the bye week. Or maybe it was just the fact that they are sick of losing. Either way, they need to carry this feeling with them. They will be the underdog for the rest of the season save one game (the Dolphins) and they have a chance to at least be a spoiler and win some games. To that end, I hope they kick some ass and take some names.



Go Jets!!!!!!


OTHER FUCKED UP AND RANDOM STUFF

1. "Terrible Towels" at a Jets game? It's true. Chris Baker said he took it personally and I hope that those fuckers waving them got dosed with beer after the Steelers lost. Fuck them.

2. Chad Pennington was cheering like a motherfucker on the sidelines. He is a gentleman and a scholar and he yet again shows why he is a class act and a team player. I hope he is quarterbacking the Falcons or Minnesota next year.

3. Can Brad Smith please catch important throws? The fucking guy probably keeps telling Mangina that he is a quarterback and Mangines won't listen. But he isn't making that great of a WR. Pretty pathetic bunch yesterday after Coles got injured (again).

4. I fucking hate fantasy football and I'm letting it affect my rooting for the Jets. When Chris Baker scored yesterday I was pissed it wasn't Cotchery. What the fuck is wrong with me? Fantasy football has ruined my life. Fucking fantasy football. Speaking of which, Unruly's team set the record for scoring this week, he has Owens, Romo and Moss, and they kicked ass.

5. The Giants beat the Lions. It was a good victory for them and I'm so proud of Eli Manning. He is the best quarterback in the world and if I had a choice between Eli and almost anyone else at QB I would want Eli, because he never makes mistakes and should be exempt from any criticism whatsoever. Go Eli, you are my hero. NOT. Fuck him and the Giants. How many times were the fucking Lions in a position to win the game? They fucking suck, and Kinta should change his name to Cunta. It's easier to spell and pronounce anyway. Although I have to say, the refs made some awful calls against the Giants in that game, so that was bullshit.

6. I watched a little bit of the Pats/Bills game last night, and I have to say that Tom Brady is one of the best QBs I have ever seen play in my life. The guy is poised, has a great arm and finds the open receiver. Of course, he has all day and he's got Randy Moss, but still. He is as calm as a motherfucker, even when the pocket is collapsing. I'm not saying Peyton isn't great too, but I mean, Brady is fucking good.

7. I had a dream that I drove my car off a bridge that was out last night. I drove off the bridge and the car flipped and landed in the water and then I was in like slow motion trying to open the door, which wouldn't budge. I think you need to be opening your windows when your car is going over the bridge, or else the pressure won't let you open the door or window once you are submerged. Needless to say, it wasn't the kind of "wet dream" I like to have. ha ha ha ha

8. I wish I was my own boss. Then I would open up my own office and hire a hot slutty secretary. Don't ask me what kind of business I would run, that requires too much thought. I would leave the business ideas to my slutty director of operations.


9. Does anyone actually believe anything political candidates say? Honestly, I don't believe a word out of their stupid lying mouths. I mean, George Bush never came out and said that he was going to get the ball rolling for WW III and have everyone in the world hate us, but Goddamn he came through on that plan. Imagine if that was his platform? "America, I promise you your sons and daughters will shed their blood on the soil of Iraq even though we won't steal the oil there so it will be all for naught" and so on. I think he would have still won because Kerry was such a pussy it didn't matter. Anyway, all of it is such bullshit and rhetoric it makes me ill. That being said, at least we have the opportunity to vote for our leaders so that's good. One side note, since when is torture such a bad thing? Shit, they are only suspected terrorists, who cares? If it's good enough for Jack Bauer than it's good enough for me.

10. Speaking of Jack Bauer, this writer's strike is getting really annoying. All these fucking losers picketing and crying because they don't get money for this or that, fuck them. Just keep entertaining me and shut the fuck up. I don't care if you don't 5 cents every time some idiot downloads the Office onto their computer. Just keep writing and do your job monkeys. Honestly, if not then I will volunteer to be a scab writer. I'm telling you right now, I would have more main characters killed off on every show faster than the shows would be produced.

Some of my brilliant ideas if I were a scab:

In Heroes, I would have that Jap get killed in the Hiroshima nuclear blast, (isn't he traveling through time or something, I don't know because I would rather watch a fucking baby being born on TLC, that's how much I can't stand Heroes).

I would produce a Charlie Brown special where he shoots himself in his bald head and Snoopy discovers his body. Further investigation would reveal the decaying corpse of Lucy, whom Charlie raped and murdered earlier in the week. Linus would get stabbed and strangled with his own blanket to death in the Pumpkin Patch by an unknown assailant while waiting for the "Great Pumpkin" (later to be revealed as Sally). Peppermint Patty would come out of the closet by making the moves on the other little girl she hangs with (don't know her name) and would later hang herself when the children make fun of her for being gay. The girl with the natural curly red hair turn out to be a porn star and eventually would be managed by the kid who plays the piano.
MTV - I would turn every single reality show into a version of this show called, "Last Person Standing" Basically, every show on MTV would be the same, but instead of the losers in the competition being voted off or dismissed by the woman/man who is the prize, those people would be murdered, on camera, for the world to see. Eventually everyone gets killed until there is one person left. That person would have the option to kill themselves or take the prize money. Hopefully they do the latter. For the "Real World" series, I would create a show whose prize is to walk into the Real World home with an uzi or a Tech 9 (or shit, maybe even just a Desert Eagle or something) and try to take out as many of the characters as possible. "Real World" would air first at 8:00, followed by "I want to be the next Real World Mass Murderer" at 8:30. Anyone would half a brain would love it, because you have a reason to hate the stupid fucks on Real World and by the time the Mass Murderer show came on you would be excited to see who would get the chance to kill all of the Real World idiots.

In fact, this idea would be expanded on for every single reality show in America, from American Idol to Survivor. The premise works on almost every show, it would be instant ratings. Speaking of American Idol, for all the people who know they can't sing and just want to be on TV, they would all be lined up and shot like it was Nazi Germany in the 1940s or shit, Russia during Stalin or whenever people were mass executed. All these people "need killin'" and there are too many people in the world anyway. In the end, it would hopefully achieve what I've always wanted, the end of reality TV. In my version of reality TV, "The Simpson (Jessica and Nick)" would have never ended in a divorce, it would have ended with Nick cutting Jessica's father's head off then putting a screwdriver in the back of Ashley's head (Goodfellas style) and Jessica shooting Nick in the balls at the end. It would have been the first billion-dollar making show.

Fuck Reality TV, this writing strike is going to just make the Network execs want to put more of this shit on, much to dismay. The only good thing is that reality shows need good writing too, and trust me, if you think reality TV is real you need to get your head examined, because it's bullshit. (You think "Surviorman" is real? Kill yourself or try to do what he does without a camera crew and a stash of food and water, the result will be same). So who knows. All I know is that I want new Offices, 30 Rocks, 24s and Shields. Stop crying writers or else you will just be replaced by insane bloggers and reality tv hacks!


GOOOOOO JETS!!!!!!!!

Oh, since I am going to hell for this post (along with a million other reasons) I have decided to turn my office "green" by buying a recycling receptacle. That's right, my office doesn't recycle, and I'm going to change that. I should be awarded the "Environmentalist of the Week" award. Unruly, think you can write an article about me in the Mendham Observer Bee and how great I am? Thanks.


Finally, I have to repost this picture I found from Unruly's yearbook. He really looks awesome in it and it still makes me laugh.

5 comments:

Unruly Jets Fan said...

Fakehead, I fucking hate the dropped passes by B. Smith. I think that guy is a player but if he keeps dropping them he wont be.

As for the politions, those guys are the biggest losers.

Denver donkey dick said...

Great blog. What a nice half-paragraph about Eli and the Giants! You keep me nice and pacified when you say one nice thing amid the 12 negative ones. Gmen got screwed with bad calls in the Dallas game, they took away an 85-yard kick return and called back a TD on the worst holding call I have ever seen.

Face it, the NBA scandal was just the beginning. All refs in every sport make calls based on point spreads and death threats made by hometown fans. The NFL needs Secret Service just to assure that refs can call games legit without worrying about mobsters and pissed-off gamblers burning their homes down and raping and killing their families. Which sounds like the plot line for a Fakehead TV movie.

Fake, if your tv/movie career takes off, don't forget about two writers who won't go on strike for you. Me and Unruly. And Mooks too. I think with that brain trust in place you will make that billion dollars, but will kill yourself anyway with drugs, hoes and STD's. But what a way to go, man. You are a hero to us all. Real heroes don't live, they die or get assassinated.

fake said...

Thanks for the vote of confidence Figs, I may just live another year based on that.

Goooooo Figs!

no rules said...

Fakehead, you are seriously the funniest mother fucker ever. If you killed yourself, I would kill myself the next day just so I could hear you funny blogs.

Okay, Figs you are going to have to get over to the other blog too. We are getting so much good stuff. I might actually be able to pay you guys too from that blog.

Okay, smell you later.

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