Let the Clemens era begin... (it's too bad he has such a shitty last name though).

Don't look so glum Kellen, the Pennington Era has ended. The woeful Jets will try out their "boy" Clemens and see what he is made of for what I'm assuming is the rest of the season. I don't know if he can save this awful team (ranked 30th in the NFL in offense and 29th in defense) but it's worth a shot.

There is no getting around the fact that Clemens has the worst last name in sports, the obvious reason is that fuckstick Rodger Clemens shares it with him. I still wish Mike Piazza would challenge Clemens or his meathead son to a "Battle Royale" steel cage match battle to the death or something, but Piazza is a CA boy now and has probably turned into a pussy.

That aside, Clemens hasn't had many opportunities, but besides the alleged comeback against the Ravens he hasn't been that great. His QB rating is a paltry 46.0, he has completed less than 50% of his passes (29 of 59) for 362 yards and only has 1 TD against 4 INTS. Granted, one of the INTs was a Hail Mary so that one doesn't count. He also could be missing Mr. Coles, who had the shit knocked out of him last week while making his only catch of the game. In Coles' place would be the 2.4 million-dollar-a-year-making-4-catches-for-49-yards-dropped-two-passes-that-could-have-tied-the-Ravens-game Justin McCariens. What a waste of fucking money. Halfway through the season, the guy has 49 yards receiving and makes 2.4 mil? I wish I could play football (that would first require me to wish I was a foot taller, unfortunately only about 40 pounds heavier, (but all my existing fat turned into muscle) and fast. I do have good hands though. (That's what she said). Regardless, I hope McCariens can redeem himself should he get the start, because apparently Clemens and him have some sort of gay connection from their work together in the off-season and training camp.

Anyway, the Jets play the 'Skins this week in Washington. The Redskins are 4-3 but they just got their asses handed to them by the Patriots. The 38-14 drubbing the Pats gave the Jets looked close compared to the trouncing the Redskins received. Speaking of which, I'm surprised the Redskins haven't gone all PC (especially in that town) and turned into girls and changed their names. Here are some suggestions if they do become lame and give in to an ever-dwindling Native American population (most of whom is too drunk to notice anyway):

The Washington Blowhards (salute to the politicians living there)
The Washington Faggots (because they gave in to the Injuns, but that could bother a certain segment of the population as well).
The Washington Little Girls (nicer way to explain their giving in to PC nonsense)

As far as the game goes, there is no reason why Washington should lose. By the way, Pete Kendall is quietly rejoicing in the fact that he got the fuck out of NY, but not giving the Jets any locker room material with his comments. That being said, I think the Jets have a chance this week. Kellen will be all hyped up, Thomas Jones is fucking good if the Jets ever decide to use him correctly, and Harris could lead the defense even better than he did last week. Let's face it, the Jets could have won the last two weeks but just shit the bed. The Redskins aren't that fucking good to begin with, so I think the old Jetropolitans have a chance in this one. The QB for the 'Skins is awful and their two main WRs (Randle-El and Moss) don't even have any TDs. Portis is Portis, he can be shut down and he defended having dog fights, so fuck him. The Redskins are a couple of lucky breaks away from being 2-5. They can't live on luck forever and the Jets luck has to change for the better sooner or later.

We'll see what happens, but I think the Jets have a chance.


1. The kicker for San Fransico got fined $7,500 for giving fans the finger last week in San Fran. Joe Nedney should be commended for flipping off the fans. Let the poor guy get out some frustration, because kicking is a thankless job. Either way you considered a pussy, you are expected to make everything and when you miss everyone hates you. Kickers aren't getting laid like QBs, even if they score more points than the QB. Do you really think some chic is going to latch on to a fucking kicker if they can bang the RB or QB? The only way a lady (term used loosely) wants to hang with a kicker is if: 1. He is roomates with Tom Brady or 2. Everyone else is passed out or left the bar already. Seriously, how good is the pick-up line "I kicked the winning field goal today." When the QB is saying, "Yeah, I led the team down the field so my faggy field kicker could do his job and not lose the game I won." Imagine this one, "I haven't missed an extra point in 35 attempts this year." Or "I was 24 out of 31 in field goals last year and 3 for 3 over 50 yards!" Whoa!!!!!!!!!! The only chic who will dig that type of shit must own a fantasy football team.

Regardless, I think players should be able to do something when they suck and they get abused by the fans, because the fans are doing a lot worse to them. Throwing beers, snowballs, racial epitaphs, swears, etc. at them when they can't do anything? That's kind of lame. And I bet $7500 is a lot to a kicker, right? What Nedney should have done is said "Fuck your mothers" or something like that, where they can't get a photo of him doing it or read his lips too well. Lastly, it is kind of funny when fans throw beers on players. When Chad Johnson did the "Lambeau leap" instead of embracing Johnson like most of his seatmates did, one dude poured his Budwiser on him. Fucking hilarious. And trust me, beers at NFL games are fucking expensive, so it was probably a gut reaction or natural instinct kicking in. Good for that guy.

2. Lions QB Jon Kitna is getting his balls busted for wearing a Halloween costume. He wore a "naked guy" costume and apparently it has pissed some people off because one of the Detroit coaches was caught driving around naked.
His wife was a fast-food employee or something. Kitna apologized, but come on, he didn't need to, it is fucking funny!!!!!! It's even funnier that one of the coaches got picked up for driving around naked. First, that coach is a shithead and possibly a kiddie-toucher. Second, maybe Kitna didn't like the coach and was like, "Ya Burnt!" It's not like a coach had cancer and Kitna wore a bald piece on his head to make fun of that coach's chemo treatments, come on!

Either way, I don't like Kitna because the guy hasn't won an important game his entire career, but he is adequate so he will continue to get starting gigs wherever he goes. Fuck him as a player, but good for him as a human. As for his wife, she looks like fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. That would have been a better costume for that stinkbox. I would say he should do better, but he's only Jon Kitna, he doesn't even know how to spell John. (Or at least his parents didn't).

3. Rutgers plays Connecticut this weekend. I think the Huskies are going to kick the Knights' ass. Will Connecticut do much the rest of the season? I doubt it. They are a joke too.

4. Finally, "Hot or Not II"

Her name is Kristin Wiig:

This chic works on Saturday Night Live and was in the movie "Knocked Up" where she was pretty funny. She is going to play at least one of the main character's wives in the soon-to-be released Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and that looks funny. So, she is pretty funny and doesn't have any major facial scars, but is she "hot?" I don't know how smart she is, I don't think she went to Harvard or anything like that, but then again, she could probably get in now, with or without a high school degree. That's the thing about Harvard, they let in anyone who is famous, those fucking cunts. I hate Harvard and my kids will never be allowed to go there on principal alone. (Even if they get their mother's brains and have a chance to get in). Are you telling me that fucking Claire Danes and the lead singer from Weezer are smart enough to get into fucking Harvard? Please!!!!!!!! What a fucking joke. In fact, if I ever become famous, I will fucking go to Harvard and get a Masters' in "Fuck-around-ology" which is what I'm sure the two aforementioned fuckheads got their degree in. Harvard, Ya Burnt!

I think Wiig's okay, but the way, but she needs a new last name.

On a side note, my pumpkin had this indentation or scratch on it, so when I carved it I called it a Tina Fey O'Latern. (See the prior post for an explanation). Needless to say, it was a little hot.

GO JETS!!!!!!


no rules, just late night hotdogs said...

Faketits, why do you love this Funny chicks. Any girl who is on SNL is probably psycho in real life. But calling a girl a psycho is redundant anyhow. This chick ok in my book. Nor great, but ok. But put a scar on her and she is bootylicious!

OK, as for Clemmmens he is the man! I bet we win this next game. He can really spread the field out. Chad was great, but Clemmens is GREAT!

You dont know how painful it is been watching Chad lob passes to his receivers. That is why Coles is hurt right now.

I fucking hate Chad Pennington and am officially on the Clemmens band wagon. I actually dont hate Chad but I am on the Clemmens bandwagon.

Fakehead said...

How could you hate the guy that put this blog on the map? No, not me, Chad Pennington, remember his ground-breaking robot interview? I agree, Chad has gotten more WRs laid out than fucking Ron Rowe ever did.

Me the Fig said...

Funny chicks are hot. I always wanted Elaine from Seinfeld. She is smoking AND hilarious. I always wished I could meet a girl like that.

Look at the blog below for some choice words about Rutgers....