1.11.2008

Real quick -

There are a few things I need to discuss - (what the fuck is all this advertising shit before you get to the post Unruly? What has happened to this site while I have been on the DL?)

1. The Jets got the worst pick in the draft for a 4-12 team, that is so fucking lame. I'm still glad they beat the Chiefs. I bet Herm Edwards lost on purpose, he is the type, fuck him.

2. Chad vs. Kellen Clemens - it's a toss up, but Clemens blows. I have a feeling the Jets are going to use Chad as trade bait though. We'll see.

3. Speaking of Clemens, I almost like the guy now, and I'm talking about Roger. I love the fact that he is going down fighting, taping the rat, suing the guy for defamation, going on 60 Minutes, the shit is bananas!!!!! I think he is the poster child for roids (throwing a bat at somebody after you hit them = roid rage) but I also have a huge problem with the fucking feds getting involved and basing their case on the word of a guy trying to save himself from jail. It's bullshit.


4. The writer's strike is killing me. How many more fucking reality shows must I endure? I really wish they would legalize the public executions of anyone on MTV or reality shows that blow. I don't have a problem with shows like the "Biggest Loser" because it encourages something good, so no need to put them before the firing squad (I do NOT watch that show, by the way) and the Home show where they build houses for kids with dead parents and shit, that's okay. But, any reality show on MTV and pretty much every other reality show needs to have the contestants killed. I say put on the Yule lug year around or maybe MTV can play some fucking MUSIC VIDEOS. Tina Tequila should be publicly raped and killed. The Hills stars should be put in a gas chamber. Paris Hilton should be shot in the knees and eaten by a tiger, and so on. OR, since I believe that all reality TV is completely FAKE and scripted, they should just admit it's not "reality" like the WWF and the like admitted it's not a sport. I would be okay with that because then they are just bad regular tv shows and you can blame the writers. Speaking of reality TV, last night I watched part of two reality shows, Celebrity Apprentice and Celebrity Rehab. First of all, everyone on each show should be beaten, maybe killed. Regardless, the Apprentice isn't bad but only for one reason ...






Dude, Ivanka Trump is pretty hot. And she sounds smart, for some reason I keep thinking she will sound Swedish or something, but that is her mom I guess. Regardless, the more Ivanka the more I watch. But the term "Celebrity" Apprentice is pushing it. I don't know any of the celebs on the show except a Baldwin, Pussy and some sports people (not real sports, shit like fighting, boxing, softball?). That cunt Omorosa is on again, which is a joke, but even worse (and a clear example of why reality isn't real) is that when she fucked up the first mission and was a cunt to everyone the Trump didn't fire her because everyone loves to hate her so he needs to keep her around in case somebody is watching. Well, it made me stop watching pretty much, except for the Ivanka Watch. (Oh, Trump's son is on as well, the kid is a fucking ugly idiot and clearly is resting on his (dad's) laurels for the rest of his life). Anyway, Baldwin is annoying as fuck but I am rooting for him.


Speaking of Baldwins, Daniel Baldwin is on "Celebrity" Rehab. That show is one for the ages. First of all, "Dr. Drew" is as much of a doctor as "Dr. Nick Rivera" on the Simpsons is. What are his credentials to run a rehab? Right. The good doctor is in over his head and clueless and I hope nobody EVER lets him diagnosis or go near a patient after this show ends. The hands down best part of the Rehab show was when the guy from Grease and Taxi (the old show) can't even speak and Dr. Drew shits his pants and calls real medical professionals to take care of him. I wish that guy died (either the doctor or Grease guy), it would have been awesome. There's a porn star who tries to smuggle dildos in the rehab AND used to fuck one of the loser musicians (one-hit wonder band) who is also there - gee, what a surprise!!!! Speaking of losers, China and Bridgette Nielson are there, of course, as they are making their reality show rounds, as are some stinkbox from American Idol and finally, "Jamie Foxworth" from the Erkel show. Her mother's last name is Foxx, but I guess there is only room for one Jamie Foxx in Hollywood, especially when the loser one is a somewhat hot but pothead loser girl. One great thing VHI did (please, please let their corporate headquarters get bombed in the next 9-11) was show "Home Video" of the celebs doing drugs and going out. Except, they must think America is a bunch of dumb fucks because the "home video" is professionally shot with a cameraman!!!!!!!! Reality????? Please.

From clips of the season to come, it looks like Daniel Baldwin calls out the doctor on what a sham the rehab program is, the porn star gets strangers to come into the facility and get naked with her, and Dr. Drew walks out on them at one point. I swear to fucking God, Mary Ellis-Burham is in the 7th Circle of Hell right now ( I think that stinkbox died of cancer, thank God) for what she hath released upon the world. I think Reality TV is to blame for global warming and 9-11 as well. Anyway, Dr. Drew should have the license he got out of a cracker-jack box seized from him and he should have his stupid glasses shoved up his ass before skinning him alive. All of the "celebrities" on the Rehab show should be strapped with explosives and dropped from a plane on Afghanistan, except Daniel Baldwin. Why do I give the Baldwins a pass? Alec saves them. I think Alec is fucking great, funny as shit in real life, as evidenced by the message leaked by his cunt ex-wife to the press, and on 30 Rock. Anyway, that's my two cents.


5. The Giants vs. the Cowboys - enjoy it Giants' fans. When I say "Enjoy it" I mean the drubbing the Cowboys are going to give your precious team. My prediction is 'Boys 34 - Giants 13. Eli is going to wear brown pants (with the permission of the NFL) to hide the shits he will be taking when he get sacked and picked off. Two okay games in a row for Eli when it matters? Not going to happen. And then there's the secondary of the Giants, which did a great job on whoever the Bucs' receivers were. Now they have to face Tony Romo, who is not gay nor a shitty QB like Jeff Garcia is, and TO, Terry Glenn, even Crayton isn't bad, throw in Jason Witten and there is a situation. And Kevin Boss is no Jeremy Shockey (as evidenced by the fact I picked up Boss for my FF team one week and he didn't even catch a fucking ball!!!!! But Romo is banging a certified hottie, Jessica Simpson:






Plus the Cowboys have the Cowgirls, aka hot cheerleaders, as evidenced below:







The GGirls don't even have cheerleaders (fags).

All that being said, for the Giants fans that I actually like I wouldn't care if the GMen won. I just hope it is an entertaining game because I plan on having a few beers somewhere and watching it.
I will have more on the Jets later, but there isn't much to say until draft time ...
Happy New Year!

7 comments:

Unruly said...

dude, you really go to town when you write articles...i give you a lot of credit for the energy you put into them. Especially considering only me and Figs read them.

As for the rehab show...that was the first I heard about it. I think most of those people have problems beyond drug and alcohol addiction. And have no desire to get into this but rehabs are the biggest scam since Water Gate.

As for the G-Men, I am rooting for them all the way. I want to see them beat Dallas. I think Dallas has been acting to gay lately. Although I think JS is hot in some ways, in other ways, her MTV show ruined her for me. She is a psycho just like the rest of them.

SusieQ said...

>>What are his credentials to run a rehab?<<

It's a little weird that I know this much, but I've been listening to "Loveline" since I was a kid. Dr. Drew graduated from USC's med school, is a board certified addiction medicine specialist, and heads the addiction medicine program at a SoCal hospital, in addition to his private practice. I also read somewhere that he has taught psychiatry at USC's med school. I actually wonder when he has time to sleep.

Eli's Bitch said...

Thanks for more shout outs to the Giants. Your )un)kind words are sure to work. Stat of the day: Peyton Manning didn't win his first playoff game till his 6th year in the league, going 0-3 before it happened. Eli Manning= 3 seasons and five games.

I think the Giants are going to win! I think it will be a very close game and the Giants will be up by 1 point with the clock winding down in the 4th. Romo will try to engineer a drive, get sacked and lose the ball. Giants recover and knee; the clock out. The guy that worries me the most is Marion the Barbarian. If we can stop the Dallas run game and put it all in Romo's hands, we'll get that fucker this time.

TO is at about 50% so I would be surprised to see him tearing it up.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGG-Men!!!!

Val Halla said...

GOD: I Really LOVE JESSICA SIMPSON!!!!

GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

McQuarters for MVP.

...on to the frozen Tundra.

Val Halla said...

oh and the G-men don't dont have cheerleaders because Wellington Mara (God rest his soul) thought football should stand on it's own and not need unnecessary sex appeal. He was old school.

fakepecks said...

Mara was wrong, but the Giants had it right yesterday. I have to admit I'm impressed. For Figs' sake I will continue to root against the Giants so they keep winning. I'm kind of glad Romo lost, he looked kind of smug to be honest.

And fucking Phillip Rivers is a douchebag, I don't know who I want to lose more, him or the cunty Pats. I am praying for a miracle on Super Bowl Sunday, that is, for an NFC team (most likely the Packers) to beat the Pats (who are going to destroy Dickhead Rivers and the LT-less Chargers).

Gooooooo ??????

Val from under a foot of fresh snow said...

1. Speaking of "LT" how could the NFL let someone else call themselves "LT"!?!? There is only one "LT" and he is retired. Period. I cannot believe no one has called him on the carpet about this. Total BULLSHIT.

2. Alec Baldwin is a tool. Remember before the 2000 election he said he was going to move to Canada if Bush got elected? Well...I'm still waiting.

3. I agree about Philip Rivers. I'd rather see SD beat NE, though I think the chances of this happening are next to nil.

4. I would love to see Favre go out on top by winning the SB and being the QB of the team that beat the "anointed ones" ruined their fucking perfect widdle season. And then bellicheat could go home and cry in his little pillow cause he is the world's biggest sore loser (remember last year when they lost to NYJ and Indy? case closed).