Light Up A Stogie, Jets Fans

Frankly, I am stunned. You would have thought that a major coup such a landing running back Thomas Jones from the Chicago Bears would have been a much celebrated event on this blog- the thought repository for the die hard Green and White.

Instead, you get a two sentence blog from a GIANTS fan. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. What, you think because its the off-season that you can just lounge around and not update the current news? Where will the faithful masses go if they cannot get their insider information about their beloved team. Not to alarm anyone (and to make sure you are paying attention) but it is morning here and I recall having a dream before waking up that I was wrestling alligators. In the dream one of them got my hand and I remember the pressure and the pain from getting bit. Now I just noticed on my right thumb a big red stain. The only reason that I'm not freaking out is because I know I had cranberry juice before I fell asleep last night...let's see, all fingers accounted for, no obvious gaping wounds, girlfriend still alive and sleeping soundly in the next room. Okay, serial killer check complete, back to the football news.
The free agency opening has been fast and furious. Hats off to a couple of clubs:

First and foremost, good job Jets on the Thomas Jones deal and keeping your good draft position. Jones is a real north-south runner, not wasting a lot of time dancing around. He is also freaking huge if you see him without pads, you would think he was a linebacker. He is a perfect fit for the Jets ball control game, not a fumbler and great between the tackles, good goal line guy. You rotate Leon and someone else in there at the position and Chad will have another good year. Jets sure to have a good draft, so things are looking up for the 2007 season, despite the tougher schedule.

The Patriots have been acting pissed off ever since they lost to the Colts in the AFC Championship game, and a wild one at that. Their moves in free agency have reflected it. Adiulus Thomas from Baltimore will wreak havoc on the opposite side of Roosevelt Colvin and alongside Tedy Bruschi, just beyond Richard Seymour and Vince Woolfork. Yikes, that's a scary defense, not to mention Assante Samuel lurking beyond. Thomas Jones will be earning his pay next year, listen up Ronnie Brown and the yet-unnamed-Buffalo tailback. Plus the Pats have secured the special teams excellence for some time with the signing of the very good Wes Welker and resigning of Special Teams ace Tom Izzo. And if there is any chance that Randy moss somehow finds himself there, goodnight everyone. Another championship for the Pats.

The poor Broncos have had almost 4% of their roster DIE since their last game. But Mike Shanahan and Co. are being among the most aggressive in free agency. Weirdly, Dre Bly doesn't want to come and play opposite the REAL Defensive Player of the Year the last two seasons, Champ Motherfuckin' Bailey. This is totally crazy to me, Bly would be in the pro Bowl, if not the Super Bowl, next year. I have never seen one player take away a third of the field by himself like Champ Bailey, nobody even throws to him and he makes plays still. The paper ran a stat that Champ made an interception on 33% of the time the ball was thrown his way. DOH!

Aside from Champ Bailey's jock, the rest of Denver has been happy about acquiring Travis Henry, Big daddy Wilkinson ( a la Sam Adams, him and Gerrard Warren in the middle will free up Ian Gold, Al Wilson and DJ Williams to fly around the ball), Daniel Graham, Paul Smith and Montae Holland have been solid pick-ups. Dan Graham will really be huge, he can block and catch and the Broncos have a real emerging receiving tight end named Tony Scheffler (big time sleeper fantasy pick for next season, fellas). Travis Henry to split carries with the gritty Mike Bell and host of capable fullbacks, plus Javon Walker and Denver is a serious threat again next year. Cutler is the realest of deals, with a cushier schedule the Broncos could win 11 or 12 games next year with a solid focus on a Defensive End and Safety help with the draft.

The 49'ers are going to be a force next year. That offense was looking good, the light has gone on for Alex Smith, Frank Gore is a beast. The addition of CB Nate Clements will improve their defense by 25%. This team swept the Seahawks in their division last year. They are definitely capable of taking out the Rams and the Cardinals. Mike Nolan knows his stuff.

The addition of Tully Banta-Cain, a quality D lineman from New England and speedster Ashley lelie from the Falcons. Lelie is soft, but good on the deep ball. San Fran also got a number of lesser known players to fill spots on their rosters, their draft should be good as well. Look out NFC.

Honorable mention for Free Agency moves:

Cleveland - Joel Steinbach, OL
Washington- London Baker-Fletcher, LB
Fred Smoot, CB
and they might trade their draft pick for Dre Bly from Broncos
Miami- Joey Porter, LB
Dallas- Leonard Davis, OL
re-signing Terry Glenn (good move)
Tampa Bay- Jeff Garcia, QB


Unruly said...

Good Blog Figlet!

Terry Glenn was not a FA. The Cowboys just paid his roster bonus which was high (like 4 mil or something).

Also, Why is Jake the Snake retiring?

Broncos had 9% of their defense die last year. Sounds like a more of an impressive number.

Jets also signed a veteran Defensive end and they also cut and then resigned Bobby Hamilton to a League minimum for vets $850k. The Jets front office are making some shrewd moves. You got to like that.

Smell ya!

fakelet said...

I'll be back to read Figgy's blog.
All I can say is, "C is cookie, that's good enough for me!"

The Overfloater said...

I'm telling you, Pat Tillman's death messed him up some. Jake is a cool guy, he's probably taken care of his money and what the hell does he need to play for anymore? The Super Bowl spectacle is all bullshit and he could care less. Tillman's death really emphasized that there is more to life than football. The guy is a 32-year old millionaire, will probably never need to work another day in his life. He's retiring on his terms, like Tiki. Weird to think that Jake Plummer was the first guy to ever beat Tom Brady in the playoffs.

Fakehead said...

Jake Plummer looked weird with a beard, did he shave it yet? That is the last time I will discuss him, ever. A non-factor if you ask me.

Anyway, onto the real comments:

The Jets - they rock out with their cock out so far. Let's hope they continue to make good choices in the draft and with a few more FA signings and/or trades. Good for them.

The Pats - I agree they are doing the right thing so far, but fuck those cumchuggers.

THe 49ers - who cares about them, they are years away from anything impressive (i.e., a playoff victory). Alex Smith goes 8 for 17 for 112 yards with a pick every game. Big f'ing deal. I have to give props to Gore though.

The Broncos - I swear to God, I could gain 600 yards on 200 carries with the Broncos. My point is, anyone RB will be good with their offensive line. So Travis Henry, while being an okay back, will do well there because he's got an awesome line. I heard he blew a load in his pants when the deal went through, pro bowl, bonuses, playoffs, incentives, etc.

Finally, if a fucking alligator or crocodile attacked you, you would be dead. I know at least Crocs have more pressure per square inch in their bites than I think any other wild animal. Alligators are a bunch of pussies compared to crocs. I think that is why Alligators live in Florida, where finding dumb Floridians to eat is like shooting fish in a barrell. I saw this show, and it was about how these two drugged up people just vanished, and eventually their bodies turned up (what was left of them) and they were chomped on by gators. It turns out these fucking idiots were doing drugs by the water and they passed out and the smart gators just pulled them into the water and had themselves a little hushi (human sushi). Leave it to A) druggies and B) people from Florida - to be that dumb.

I also saw another show today when dogs saved their owners. I love dogs, they truly are man's best friend. I may write a blog about dogs one day.

Anyway, I'm going to eat a cookie now. Cowabunga!

Unruly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unruly said...

OK, what the hell was that all about Fakehead?

Floridians are all white trash. I am not talking about the northerners who retire down there.

OK bizatches...smell ya!

Fakehead said...

Fuck all of Florida and everyone who lives there (except for the dogs and alligators).

Fakey is Angry said...

I have a fucking question, why the fuck do we plug other bloggers blogs when those same bloggers don't plug our blog? Makes no fucking sense at all and it's lame. It's like we're trying to be their friend and they are like, "One day, kid, you'll be lucky enough to have your dumb gay blog site plugged on my stupid fucking loser blogsite" It's lame, and whoever is in charge of this blog should change the links to only those blogs that plug our awful blog. (One example - Yes, Joe it's Toasted Blog does not plug our blog)

Fakeilicious said...

Fear and Faith, Willie's World - no mention of Jets Blah blah blah.

I think we need to have a strict rule on this, no exceptions (unless we link a website or a blog that does not have any links to ANY blogs).

Who do you think, retard? Don't click here said...

And for the love of God, get rid of "Fos and Hos" none of those fuckers reference our blog. That's a joke. We don't need cites to their lame ass blogs!!!!!! F them and their blogs.

I said, don't click here! said...

And get rid of those fucking "z"s behind foes and hos.

The Overfloater said...

Lets call the Mets blog under construction 'The Bullpen Pulpit'. I don't know, just an idea for a catchy name. Or how about 'We Love Jose Reyes'

Mookie McFly said...

I have or had plugs from those blogs for my deleted but now gay porn site blog. Settle down, if Unruly wants them changed I will take his direction or he can change them himself. But to be quite honest I kind of like having something in the sidebar to make this look like an actual website. Wait, I have an idea.

Anyway, I think this guy Thomas Jones sucks. He barely got to 1,000 yards for the first time in his career on an awful offensive team that pretty much had to give him the ball since their QB sucks. They had an overachieving line and were specifically a defensive team. I predict he gets around 600 yards for the Jets next season and that's only because our line will get better. He sucks and relies on his arms to open holes for him...too big, too slow and just another reason we need to draft a good young running back.

Unruly said...

You all will start to see some really cool stuff coming soon. Me and Mookie will be having a sit down soon. I have some really cool things in the works. Not kidding!