Why I hate the lottery, and other stuff...

Lindsay Lohan will never have to play the lottery.

Speaking of the lottery, I fucking hate it. I cannot stand it for a myriad of reasons, most of which have to do with me an impatient, pessimistic bastard. What are the chances that you will win it? A billion to one? You have a better chance of getting hit by lightning or being killed in a plane crash at Teterboro Airport.

And day after day, these fucking people buy their lottery tickets, hoping for a miracle. You have a better chance of banging Lindsay Lohan. The worst part is, over the years, they probably have spent thousands of dollars on this bullshit chance, while instead they could have made that down payment on the trailer instead of living in a rooming house, or saved some money for their kid so maybe he or she could be the first in the family to go to college. No, instead, they fucking go to Quick Check or FP Pizza and buy their stupid fucking lottery tickets. And those fucking commercials about the lottery, so annoying. And that fucking stupid song by Barenaked Ladies, "If I had a million dollars..." Remember when that was their theme song? If I had a million dollars I would hire a hitman to kill Barenaked Ladies for selling out so badly.

Don't get me wrong, people win money with the lottery, but mostly they win 5 or 10 bucks every once and a while, to keep them hooked and buying tickets. And look at these god-awful office lottery clubs that buy tickets every week. God forbid you aren't part of the group, or you forget your dollar that day! You are fucked! I feel especially bad for the suckers who get in the office pool every week and then wise up and stop doing it and the pool wins the next day. Those people should just kill themselves. God hates those people.

Anyway, you're probably wondering what made me write about the lottery and why I hate it so much. Well, I was in Quick Chek today trying to buy some Diet Mountain Dew and some Animal Crackers and this stupid fucking old lady was holding up the entire line because Quick Chek decided to put a fucking lottery machine in their stupid fucking store. So here are people trying to buy their coffees and porn mags and whatever else they need to get them through the morning and this stupid taco is cashing in her fucking 2 dollar ticket and buying another 5 tickets. The cashier was clearly not up to speed on her lottery machine skills and the whole transaction was taking forever. Meanwhile, the fucking sandwich lady couldn't drop the fucking nasty rag she was cleaning the condiment area with to open the other register, so I had to stand there, waiting.... and waiting....

Now you might say, "Dude, relax, so you were delayed for 4 minutes today." I disagree. It seems every time I have the misfortune of walking into a store with a lottery machine, there is some old, usually poor or homeless-looking dickhead or twat buying stupid lottery tickets. It's so annoying! I've never played the lottery, but why let the machine pick your numbers? Do you think you are going to win that way? "Quick Pick" or "Box Set" - what the fuck does that shit mean? Most of the time it just means I have to wait to pay for my pizza while Joey Scumfuck spends his kid's allowance money on pipe dreams. Nobody wins.

My solution is simple - make lottery stores, where people go in and the only thing to buy is lottery tickets and maybe coffee. That way, all these wackcos can go to the store and waste their money and I don't have to look at them or wait for their Random Box Sets or whatever else they do. Make these places open 24 hours, you will find Indians to run them. I would say make a special line for lottery purchases in regular stores, but there is no point because they don't have enough people to work in these types of places and eventually you will have a guy manning the lottery line and nobody to work the food/drink/candy/porn line.


What the fuck is wrong with Menu Foods? They recalled a bunch of dog and cat food because it is making animals sick. I of course spend extra money on dog food to make sure that my dog gets good food and that was the food that is recalled. Thankfully, my dog is not showing signs that she is sick, but what the fuck? How the fuck can they fuck up dog food? It's stupid. They should be beaten or be forced to eat their product, or maybe even fed to wild dogs. Those cunts. Them and Paypal should fucking get testiticular cancer and an equally awful form of cancer for the women that work there.

I really like Apple Cinnamon Rice Cakes. In fact, I am eating some right now.

Are we really donating money to charity if somebody buys Jets shit from this site? Do I have a vote in that? If so, I say fuck that. Charity begins at home, my home.

Everyone should read my movie review and the other postings on Overfloater's blog.

Where is Mooks?


Unruly Jets Fan said...

Everyone is talking about this Lindsay Lohan. How is she famous? I have no clue about this chick, I feel like I am totally out of it.

Why do you keep feeding your dog that dog food? I am not even a dog guy and I feel bad for your dog. However, I would not feel bad if you fed it to your cat.

About donating the money...I sort of put that in there in case the Jets come after us. We are unlawfully are using their logo's and names on some of the stuff here. So until I make sure we are not crossing any licensing boundaries then we can revisit what we should do with the money (of which there is none at this point). However, if the Jets do come after us now, we can be like "Hey what? You are going to sue a bunch of retards?" Then we can contact the media and make the Jets look foolish. However, to avoid a whole mess, since we are all fans of the Jets organization why would we want to do that in the first place? So if we make money, lets arrange a trip to take a bunch of retards to a game. You can drive the bus Fakehead.

Sorry I took off your picture. I really do not want to discourage you from posting. So please do not be offended. Keep blogging. I love your blogs and laugh my ass off every time.

The reason I took it off is thatI have a Blogger representive coming to our Blog to see how we might be able to add more bling and how we might be able to market ourselves better. And I am not sure, but I believe it is against blogger rules to post nudity.

Again, Sorry to act like Big Brother and arbitrarily take that picture down. I want everyone to feel they can let their artistic juices to flow. I will look into it more to see if nudity is ok.

Anonymous said...

You ruined my blog dude. Just delete it. It's barely a nipple. I'll find another picture.

Anonymous said...

I posted it at Overfloater now. So if you want to see some of Lohan's tit go there.

By the way, Unruly's a sellout.

God Bless the First Amendment!

Oh, and I'm totally kidding about contributing money to the kids, I think it's a good idea. Don't you know 45% of what I say on this blog is bullshit and done for ratings? Do I hate the lottery? Of course I do. Will I end up dead in an alley in Las Vegas with a self-inflicted gun-shot wound to the head? You bet I will. But am I against retarded kids? Not really.

So contribute away man! Good luck you censorshiping bastard. Fucking Joe McCarthy.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

If you weren't so funny I would say you were crazy.

I just texted the Beast from Down Under to contribute to this site and he is threatening to do so.

Also, Fakehead you should start a fantasy baseball league with all the posers that are doing Pick'em.

fh said...

Fantasy baseball is brutal. I can't deal with that for a whole 162 season. Plus, none of those clowns would do it.

fakevag said...

How is Lindsay's tit less offensive than my "Paypal is a bunch of Cunts" posting? I'm glad I decided not to post a picture of a vag close up when I did that posting.

The Overfloater said...

What an insane scenario that would be. The Jets suing its biggest fans (except me). I would say that would be enough for the lot of you to become Giants fans. You are always welcome guys! Don't mind the stares, everyone knows you are with me, I carry water here. Oh look, there's Mike Adams at the next table!

Post your crazy shit on Overfloater blog. post a movie review. Post a good picture. Post a drawing Unruly! Post the lyrics and cover art of Bloody Sausage's first album! Unruly, where is that drawing of Air M#h* Gets Married? Post that shit. Actually, that motivates me to draw a new one, I need a good theme though. We should play some 21 in basketball after the golf game! Bourough beckons!

April 11th is on! Fakehead has confirmed. My stepbro Mike will round out the foursome. This is going to be....ungly. Unruly, you need to carry us and give us some impacting tips. Faker is going to be swinging like a baseball bat. I broke my driver (which might be a good thing) so I am going to drive with my 3 and 5 woods. I still get some distance, but all I care about is straight ahead, distance can blow me. I will be swinging like a noodle-armed pussy. I shot a 59 (legit) on 9 holes on Monday (I have Mondays off). Par was 37.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

I keep laughing when you say I am going to have to carry you guys. The difference between Faker who has never played and me who has played for two years is nothing. It is a tough sport to get good at.

Fake chiclet said...

I guess I will borrow my bro-in-law's clubs. He is lefty. I agree that hoops after could be in order, why not? We may as well play a sport that we can sweat at (besides when we are looking for golf balls in the woods on a warm day).

Mookie McFly said...

My cat's breath smells like cat food.

I don't have a cat.