A bunch of crap. Read it or don't - I don't give a fuck. (GO JETS)

First things last, the Jets battle the stupid Browns this weekend. The Browns are surprising a lot of people as they are 7-5 and could be headed to the postseason. Derek Anderson, who was cast off by another team, has found a new home in Cleveland (mostly because my 5 year-old niece is a better professional quarterback than Charlie Frye) and is playing well. So well that the Browns have to figure out what to do with gay Brady Quinn, their number one draft choice. (I have to tell you, judging from those Subway commercials Quinn is in, he is has a lot to learn about how to act and throw. He throws those sandwiches like some stinkbox girl).

I think that Anderson is saying "BAAAAALLLLLLLSSSSSS" in the photo above.

Anyway, the Browns defense is crappy, so the Jets have a chance. However, the Browns' offense is fucking good, Mr. Anderson, Drug Dealing Jamal and B. Edwards at WR are legit threats, not to mention that dolt Winslow who almost killed himself on a fucking motorcycle. The Jets' defense is going to have to step it up big time, or their offense is. That being said, I think it is going to be close, and both teams are going to score some points. It is the Browns' game to lose though, because the Jets have nothing to lose and the Browns are playing for the playoffs. That means they are more likely to make the bed the color of their uniforms, as they say.

Interestingly, both Kellen Clemens and Derek Anderson are from Bumblefuck, Oregon (pronounced ORE-GON not ORE-GIN for those of you who are retarded). They actual battled in the Oregon State Playoffs and twice in college, where Clemens went to Oregon and Anderson went to Oregon State. Clemens only beat Anderson once, and Anderson's numbers were better overall. However, I think it is pretty cool that they are meeting up again in the NFL.

If I had the time (and talent) and didn't write all these gay blogs I would write a movie based on these two, or least based on 2 rival quarterbacks from bumblefuck towns in weird states that play in high school, college and eventually the pros and SuperBowl (just to make it interesting). In my movie, one of the QBs would be a fucking drunk, womanizing fuckhead but a great leader on the field. (I.e., the opposite of Eli Manning, who I will discuss later). The other QB will be a family guy who is also a great leader, but not a fucking drunken mess and womanizer. Basically it would be like Micky Mantle and Roger Maris, but they are on different teams. There would have to be a few scenes of them meeting (Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro in "Heat" style) but they would have to hate one another. The question is, who would play these two? I'm thinking Leonardo DiCaprio could play one of them (more on him later) and maybe Heath Ledger as the drunk quarterback, but I'm not sure how big Ledger is. You could always throw a girl in the mix, like sober QB is married to one of the stinkboxes drunk QB used to bang or something, but it might be better just to focus on the football. Maybe you have one of the drunk QB's teammates die and it changes him right before the playoffs start and he gets his shit together to make a run to the Super Bowl. I don't know, it's a work in progress. It would be funny, dramatic and action packed, with plenty of tits, trust me. I don't want Michael Bay directing it though, maybe somebody like Ridley Scott. (Like he would EVER!). For the coaches, maybe James Gandolfini for drunk QB (always yelling at him) and Ving Rhames for sober QB's coach. For the drunk QB's father you will strike box office gold if Jack Nicholson agrees to do it, and he's crazy enough he probably would. For the ladies, you have to find a spot for the Transformers girl and the cheerleader from the TV Show Friday Night Lights, Minka Kelly or something? She is a piece of ass.

Anyway, enough of that nonsense.

Let's going into the "Bag O' Crap" to see what other shit I have talk about today.

1. Rumor has it Leonardo DiCaprio is trying to be friends with his ex-girl Giselle (granted, the "rumor" part is something I learned while reading one of my wife's awful tabloid magazines while I was pinching a loaf earlier in the week). But it begs an interesting question, which would you rather be, a hall of fame quarterback who wins 4 superbowls or a world-famous actor? Granted, I am and will never be either, but whatever. The reasoning behind this question is straightforward, what gets you more glory (and ass).

Above is Tom Brady's girlfriend. Have I mentioned that he also knocked up an actress? Granted, the actress is okay, she's no Giselle, but she's still pretty good looking. Anyway, if you are a world famous QB then you have fame and fortune and ads but you are only "hot" for so many years. Granted, I'm sure Dan Marino still can get laid at will, but do you think Terry Bradshaw is banging as many chics as Jack Nicholson? It's not even close. I bet you that if it is between John Elway and Jack Nicholson for the girl below (who is apparently some sort of actress) that it's Jack in a heartbeat.

Granted, playing a sport and being awesome at it and being part of a team and winning championships would be fucking AWESOME. What's the super bowl of acting? Winning an Oscar. Big fucking deal. If little gay Italian dudes can win them then you aren't more of a man for winning one. A Super Bowl makes you a fucking man, because there are 300 lb guys looking to literally kill you on the field. Winning an Oscar meant you had to deal with catered food while you were "on location" for a few fucking weeks. Not to mention the fact, if you play a "mental" you are in the running to win an Oscar, when if you are a "mental" then you can't even play football. Wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Oh yeah, my point is, when it comes to ass, acting probably gets you more in the long run. Nobody give the fuck about some old quarterback, but an old actor can get a young actress a job just for blowing him.

Glory can go either way, but football has the opportunity for both personal and team glory, when acting is pretty much an individual thing. Plus, let's face it, sure, being an actor is sort of a gay job, even you have to "work out" for a role you have a personal trainer and you could be a super hero on the screen and a homo in real life. Plus you have to deal with crazy annoying people, whereas football is pretty cut and dry, either you are good or you're not, you get paid money, you don't have to worry about annoying or eclectic directors, producers, etc., "selling out" etc. I don't know, acting is an "easier" job I would say, especially because you don't usually run the risk of getting killed or paralyzed or not being able to walk when you are 50 (except of course if you are related to Bruce Lee) but football would be much more fun. Granted, when you are an actor you can do all sorts of drugs and drink and be crazy and you don't get "suspended" from acting. So that's cool. There are "cross-overs" like OJ Simpson and players can always be announcers and shit like that after they are done playing, but girls don't give a shit about the host of "Gameday Live" or else Chris Berman would have 10 illegitimate kids. So in the end, I would want to play football and have a nice run of women and glory (and I would be drunk a lot too, especially in the off-season). Acting is too much work and it could last forever. Plus the fucking paparazzi. I wish all the paparazzi would die horrible, awful deaths. They all blow.

2. Brooke Burke is still fucking hot.

I don't know how old she is, maybe she is in her 30s, which is like 120 in model years, but damn she is hot. I forget what she is famous for, maybe being on E! I think, and obviously modeling. But she is definitely the type of girl an actor/producer dates. She would be good for the best years of a football player's career too. For example, Tony Romo, Derek Anderson, Vince Young could probably bag Burke, but Chad Pennington wouldn't have a chance. He's probably kicking himself for not taking advantage of his starting status as far as poon-tang goes.

3. Did you know there is a third Manning child? His name is Cooper, and he is eldest of the three. He is the tallest in the photo below, and looks the goofiest. Peyton has a smug look on his face, and Eli, well, he looks cute to be honest (besides his awful clothes).

Cooper was an All-State WR and played on the same HS football team as Peyton, who was the QB. Of course, Cooper had 76 catches for over 12oo yards that year. Before he went to college he started having numbness in his hand and fingers and eventually he was diagnosed with spinal stenosis, which is a narrowing of the spinal canal. Basically, he had to get surgery, could never play football again and had to relearn how to walk. I think this story is interesting because was Archie Manning that fucking good at football? I mean, Christ, he was before my time but he almost got all of his sons to the NFL. Cooper is fine by the way, he makes money and lives in New Orleans with his wife and kids and blah blah blah. I have to be honest, I would have enjoyed seeing Peyton throw passes to his brother. That would have been a good story. Maybe the talent gene in the Manning family decreases with each child. Maybe Cooper was the best, Peyton is great, and Eli is like Danny DeVito in the "Twins" movie.

Speaking of Eli, rumor has it he screams like a girl when he is about to get sacked and every week he has to request new pants as his are stained with defecation from when is about to be hit. That's just a rumor I heard, it may or may not be true.

4. My furnance is 21 years old. It was just repaired (thanks to PSE and G's "Worry Free" Contract) and they said I will have to get a new one soon. This blows. They cost around 4-5 grand. The worst part is, if the "heat exchanger" cracks then carbon monoxide will poison my house and kill everyone inside. Yes, we have a CM alarm, but my family's life is going to depend on a fucking Duracel battery? It's a scary thought. I don't care about me, but I don't want anything happening to the rest of my family or my dog (Cat I could give or take). Fucking carbon monoxide. Bullshit.

4. On a serious note, another jerkoff stupid loser went on a shooting spree in Nebraska. This drives me so nuts I can't even take it. He wanted to "go out in style" and be "famous" according to news reports. Honestly, if I was related to one of the victims, I would sue NBC and the rest of the media outlets for making that stupid zip who shot up Virgina Tech famous by airing his "manifesto" last year. These crazy losers who can't get laid get guns and kill people, then they are proclaimed as the anti-Christ and any myspace, video, diary, etc. they write/shoot becomes their legacy and if you watch the news it is shoved down your throat and analyzed by experts and blah blah blah. It only enables the next stupid cunt to pick up his gun and "go out in style." SO I say sue the major networks for intentional infliction of emotional distress, something, just put it out there so maybe networks won't be so quick to make these psychos' "fame" last one second longer than after the bullet they shoot to kill themselves penetrates their skull. (Pussies, all of them, by the way). Who cares if it gets dismissed, they will have to pay lawyers to defend themselves and maybe something good will come out of it. I'm fucking serious about this. It has to stop.

Plus, as I've said before, can anyone learn something from Flight 93 during 9-11? Fight fucking back! Nobody wants to confront these fucks, who as long as they aren't shooting right at you aren't paying attention to one or two people. Use anything as weapons to try to stop these lunatics so more people don't get killed. I know it is easier said than done, but there is no other option.

Finally, all these kids need is to get laid or some fucking alcohol. That would help these stupid, loser geeks to stop writing about Satan in their notebooks or myspace pages and help them see that the world is a lot better than they think it is (at least until they get older and realize that it's not). Fuck their parents too, and their families. Asleep at the switch is an understatement.

6. Finally, I hate Rolling Stone magazine. My subscription runs out in February, but I may cancel it earlier. It's so ultra-liberal I just can't take it anymore. I'm not even conservative, but it drives me nuts! Anything anti-Bush or anti-government is awesome and the best. Movies, albums, artists all get great reviews if they are anti-Bush, pro-environment, etc. I mean, RS actually believes Bush caused 9-11. They also blame the entire war on drugs on the Bushes, when not for nothing, it was well engaged by the time Bush Jr. took over, so why not blame it on Clinton as well? Democrats can do NO wrong according to RS! It's so one-sided it is a joke. In their "Signs of the Apocalypse" article they cite the number one "sign" that Imus is going back on the air. This means the world is going to end. I have a question, what happened to free speech? Imus (and I don't like the guy and what he said was dumb, joke or not) apologized and did everything humanly possible to make amends and he still got fired. Now he is back, big fucking deal, don't listen to him! What a joke.

On a side note, and I'm ending on this, is that I had a buddy who I used to work with named Pat Charles. That was his whole fucking name. I loved that guy's name. He used to work for RS. We lost touch after we stopped working at Bennigan's together. I saw him while I was working at another restaurant and he was out to eat with friends and he told me once that he would send me some shit from RS. Two weeks later, true to his word, he sent me a few issues and a RS hat, which I still have to this day. The guy was a gentleman and a scholar. Anyway, ever since then, I wanted to name my pet or kid "Pat Charles" for a girl, "Patricia Charles" but alas, my wife won't let me. Needless to say, I don't think he works for RS anymore, so fuck those fucking assholes, they can go shit in a hat.

GO JETS!!!!!!!

An Interview with Sam Garnes

Former NFL defensive back Sam Garnes spent some time with me this week talking about something that he feels very strongly about; helping young athletes to be the best they can be.

The 6’3, 225 lbs Garnes spent 7 years in the NFL from 1997 to 2004. He was drafted by the Giants in the fifth round and played with them for five years. He was a big part of their defense when they played in the Superbowl in 2000. Then he spent the remaining two years as a part of the Jets, helping them to make the playoffs as well.

Within a few minutes of talking to Garnes, I realized that football was not something that he just fell into, but something he worked really hard at achieving. Garnes’ message he wants to get across to young athletes is that if they want to move to the next level they need to work for it.

He said that many people he played with in high school were at the same talent level as him but didn’t have the right guidance to take it to the next level. “Our running back was Sheldon Cooper. He was definitely good enough to play in the NFL.”

Currently Garnes spends a lot of his time running clinics, camps and one-on-one trainings to help players get to that next level. His approach is all about teaching fundamentals so athletes can improve their skills necessary to excel in football. His goal is to help the people like Cooper who with the right direction and coaching can make it to the next level.

Garnes would really like to see football have more resources dedicated to it in the tri-state area. “In Texas they play football year round. There are so many talented players in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and Connecticut. If there were more focus on developing these kids, this area would put out a lot of great players to colleges and pro's.”

“There is so much money pumped into this area and they should really allocate more to sports for kids. In the city, kids either do battle on the streets or on the playing field.” Garnes said. “When the season ends, the kids go back to the streets.”

Garnes works in partnership with Primo Sports in Florida, NY and Legends Resort & Country Club Vernon, NJ to help youngsters learn skills from a real professional. His football academy is set up for youngsters from 9 to 14 years old. “We want to get them started young before high school because at that level the coaches bring them to football camps in the summer.”

Garnes also spends time doing private training lessons for many local high school atheletes who are serious about excelling. “Being a defensive back, you get to know about every position. I help quarterbacks with their three-step drops. I teach running how to run. We teach runningbacks how to run. We teach the right fundamentals so when they are on the field it just comes as an instint.”

Earlier this year, he helped out with the Montclair High School football team, which ended up making it to the State Finals in Giants Stadium.

When Garnes was in High School at DeWitt Clinton High School in the Bronx, he was a defensive back and a wide receiver. Then he was given a scholarship to go to the University of Cincinnati. “I considered myself a wide receiver. I thought I was going to be the next Al Toon or Jerry Rice. But in college they thought I would be better at defensive back.”

Garnes attributes his attitude to his success on the field. “When I was in college, I had an edge that since I was from New York I was tougher than everyone. Not that that was necessarily true, but that was the motivation I used. Our coach said to use whatever motivation works for you, and that is what I did. I told myself that I was better than the kids from Texas and Florida, because I grew up in New York City.”

On his vision to get to the NFL, Garnes said, “I knew I was good enough to play in the NFL. When I was in college my friends used to bust on me because I was so confident about getting to the NFL. It wasn’t a question of ‘NFL or bust’; it was ‘I am going to the NFL’. I didn’t matter, I was going to work as hard as possible and do whatever I needed to do to get to that level.”

Once in the NFL, Garnes made the most of his opportunity. In his first game as a pro, he intercepted a pass and returned it 95 yards for a touchdown vs. the Eagles. “That moment let me know that I could play at this level.”

He also discussed what it was like playing at the Superbowl. “I can’t even describe in words. It was just a dream come true. The two weeks before the whole country is just focused on the game you are about to play. It was really amazing to watch all those camera flashes coming from the stands during that first kickoff.”

Garnes also talked about how he understands how deflating it was to lose that big game. “It was like you worked so hard and played at the highest level you possibly could to get there. I understand how difficult it is for teams to come back and do it again.”

Garnes actually retired in 2003 after starting every year for the seven years he played. “I played a very emotional and physical type of game. My mind and passion were still there, but your body just cannot bounce back as easily when you get older. It was really hard to retire.”

Now Sam lives in New Jersey and is dedicated to using his experience to helping others. If you are interested in talking to Sam or getting private or group training from him just go to his website at http://www.samgarnesfbc.com/ or email him at sg@samgarnesfbc.com.

Goodbye No. 1 Draft Pick, Hello Integrity!

The Jets won a game yesterday, and I am fucking proud of them. As I have always said, I would take wins over playing for draft picks, I don't care if McFadden from ARK is available or not.

The Jets kicked some major ass yesterday, beating the Dolphins 40-13! They had three sacks (one by our boy Harris) and three interceptions (one by Rhodes - awesome read; and Revis, the rookie can play) and scored 4 offensive TDs. Who were these guys?

Let's start off with the man who inspires these bastards, LC. Coles played despite having an injury that would have kept most pussies out for two more weeks.

He had 5 catches for 69 yards, including a great 32 yard catch on a well thrown ball by Roger Clemens. Speaking of Clemens, the kid wasn't too shabby, going 15-24 for 236 yards with 1 TD and 1 INT. Granted, it's only the Dolphins, but it should give him some confidence going into a game next week (Cleveland) that is winnable.

The defense played great (Rhodes with his 4th INT) and showed some signs of life, thank God. My man Jonathan Vilma was on the sideline on crutches watching the team, which is good news for me, because maybe it means that he doesn't want to go anywhere next year. There has to be room for both him and Harris, and the defense would be much better with both of them on the field.

Finally, Jonesey finally FUCKING SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! I even started him on my fantasy football team because I had a feeling this would be the week. He carried the ball 24 times for 75 yards and a score. Thank Fucking God.

L Wash was great and a nice transition from Jonesy, running 10 times for 68 yards and two scores. I love that fucking guy. The best part about L Wash is that you can tell he loves to fucking play.

Ted Nugent has been much better, making the 17th of his last 18 FGs. But Ben Graham continued to be shitty, with two punts for less than 40 yards (1 26 yards and the other 35). Do we have to send this fuck back to Australia in a body bag? What the fuck? Maybe he should go back to that fucking island and play rugby with the rest of the convicts there. F him unless he punts better.

Other than that, as I Jets fan I cannot complain this week. Again, it was only the Dolphins, but still.

I would rather have the Jets win games then play for a fucking draft pick. I want to see them beat the Cunty Patriots in Foxboro and spoil their undefeated season. Of course, I know that is a pretty much a pipe dream. They will have to score 56 points to beat the Pats and sack Brady a bunch of times, and neither is likely to happen. But, I digress.

GO JETS!

OTHER, MORE INTERESTING STUFF...

1. The Giants - I don't think I need to rip into Eli Manning, the press in NY is doing a good enough job of that. But in the end, the guy woke up from his suck-induced coma and engineered a drive down the field at Soldier Field to win the game. I don't know why his head was so far up his ass the first 3 quarters but I can't fault the guy too much because he won the game on that last drive. Although, if it weren't for the Giants defense and Rex Grossman (in general) then the G-Men aren't even in that game. So, a victory is a victory for you Giants' fans, but the question remains, what is up with dude Eli? Is it because his name is so gay? Is he retarded? Sometimes I think he is, which is great for retarded people, because it shows you can be a QB in the NFL. He looks a little retarded, a little slow. I will call him "special" either way.

2. The Redskins - after the tragic loss of Sean Taylor they started the game on defense with 10 guys. I don't know whose idea that was, but it was fucking brilliant. Honestly, shit like that is why I like sports, the camaraderie, the teamsmanship (is that a word), the whole fox-hole mentality, I fucking love it. I love team sports and I feel bad for Taylor's family (although his stinkbox half-sister has some sort of link to the alleged perps, so F her). Of course, the 'Skins shit the bed and lost the game, which is a pretty lame send-off to ST, but what can you do. Unfortunately, dead players don't always spurn victories. (Although it did for Newark West Side, who won their state championship 20-0 (interestingly, the deceased player's number was 20). If it definitely helped teams win, I would kill Andre Dyson on the Jets, because it would improve the team and maybe help inspire them. Basically, it would be a win-win even if the Jets didn't win.

3. The word "Stinkbox" is probably one of the best made-up words ever. Or it at least holds a place in the top 5 if there is such a list. It is probably as offensive as the word "Cunt" but it doesn't pack such a punch, so you could try to get away with it every once and a while. I didn't make the word up, my buddy did, and he is like Stiffler from American Pie, so you can see how he could come up with such an awesome word. It is one of the many reasons why I look up to him.

Regardless, if you want to use the word to insult a girl without actually calling her an "SB" (another great way to mask the word, just call a girl an "SB", and they won't know what to do), ask her if she got her minor in "Stinkboxology" in college. That always gets them angry, but not as angry as if you actually called them a stinkbox.

4. It's almost Christmas, that means people want donations. A couple of days before Thanksgiving, I went to Wal-Mart and the fucking Salvation Army dude was there ringing his fucking bell. Well, I put a DOLLAR in his stupid bucket (which isn't a bucket anymore, it's a hanging plastic container with an opening the size of the a nun's twat) and the fucking stupid fuck of a "Santa" was shooting the shit with some other hillbilly and didn't see me put the dollar in. Feeling like Costanza, I actually stood by the container for about 7 seconds afterword with my hand near the opening so the "Santa" would see me and acknowledge me. However, the stupid shithead was talking to Bobby Joe or whatever the fuck the other guy's name was about probably fucking their sisters or the sale on Dale Earnheart stickers for their pickups and he never turned around. I went in and bought whatever it is I needed at that awful cheap store and came out and the fucking Santa was there and of course I had to pass him, and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" and looked right at me, I said "You too" and walked by without putting anything in the red twat. Then, shithead that I am, I forget to pick something up while in the store, so while I was there, I decided to go back in and get the item (I think it was a shower curtain or something). So I walked in past "Santa' again and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" again to me, so I said "Happy Thanksgiving" to him, without paying heed to the ringing bell or stupid fucking donation bucket. When I left I had to pass him again and he said "Happy Thanksgiving" again. I just shook my head at the guy and refused to put more money in his tight stinkbox. Either he was being a complete jerkoff and busting my balls, or maybe he was just a drunk stupid fuck who actually didn't remember saying Happy Thanksgiving to me 3 times.

The point of this story is that there is no point donating money if nobody sees you do it. Just fucking forget it. You know what that jerkoff Santa thinks of me? He thinks I am some cheap asshole in a suit who doesn't care about the Salvation Army. He probably thinks I am a jew too. Well, he is right about one thing, I don't give a flying fuck about the Salvation Army, but I ain't Jewish, and I do want people to think I give a shit, especially during the holidays, so I will give a few dollars here and there so as to avoid the appearance of being cheap and/or jewish. (Disclaimer: I'm kidding, not all Jewish people are cheap!)

5. Megan Fox from Transformers is hot, but crazy with all those tats.

Why doesn't she just carry around a fucking book with all those sayings. The easy joke would be to any guy LUCKY enough to get her naked, "Am I supposed to read you or fuck you?"

I'M HERE ALL THE TIME, DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR BARTENDERS!!!!!!!!

GO JETS!!!!!!

Unruly's Ramblings

Let me just warn you that this post will make barely any sense to anyone reading it so if you have gotten this far you are just as insane as me. So moving right along, what is with all this losing? If there is a football game, the Jets will make sure they lose it. I mean lets face it folks, this is worse than the Rich Kotite era.

And last year I started out not liking Eric Mangini. Then by the end of the year I thought he was a little genius. Now I am back to hating him again. I just don't get him. He has no emotion. Just like Eli Manning. If you lose, act like you are pissed. When you show no emotion you scare everyone.

The only bright spot is David Harris. This guy is one bad motherf*cker. He is all over the ball. Between him and Vilma, we are stacked for the next 5 years. But they are going to trade Vilma his year for no reason except the fact that we are the Jets and we haven't done anything completely retarded in awhile.

As for Brad Smith...in my opinion this guys should be the quarterback. I think he is a total spazz but something about him I like. He seems to have the smarts to be in the right spots. He just drops too many balls. But I say, let him be the QB for the rest of the season and see what he can do.

I like what the players are saying about Sean Taylor. He was a great player. But these young players get hooked up with these idiot hanger ons who cannot do anything with their lives except mooch off people like Taylor. This even makes me feel bad for Michael Vick because it reminds me of these jerkoffs that only care about mooching. Although, I still think Vick is a complete dick.

I am not sure what to say about Roger Clemmens except, you better start fucking winninng. But the way, I never used to swear on this blog. But Fakehead just brings it out in me. And it actually is very theraputic when taking about the Jets. At any rate, I am so sick of losing. I actually want to throw my Pennington jersey in the garbage.

Chad thinks he is a starter in the league. I am not sure if he is or not. I think his mind and body are. But his arm is very suspect. Just looking at Chad completely disheartens me. Because he was supposed to be our salvation. But of course he spends his whole time here injured.

And finally, if it were not for Fantasy Football I wouldn't even watch the NFL. Actually Fakehead got me into this league with all his lawyer buddies and I am kicking ass. I have won 7 games in a row and I already clinched a playoff spot. I have TO and Randy Moss as my receivers. Romo is my QB. I don't even need anyone else on the team. I don't see myself losing any more games.

At any rate, I guess this was not as random as I thought.

Trivia Question: Who is Fakehead's favorite character in the feature film "Two Girls, One Cup"?

Jets Shit the Bed Again and other stuff....

Wow, it wasn't even close. 34 to fucking 3? 3 fucking points? Kellen was shit, 12 for 27 for 142 yards with an interception and really never got anything going offensively. The one thing I thought he did that was pretty cool was when he was trying to avoid a sack he got a pass with his left hand to throw the ball away (he is right handed). That was pretty impressive. He did get sacked 3 times and basically rushed a little too much for him to deal with. I don't know about Clemens yet, he needs to beat Miami or the Jets may have to waste another pick on a QB next year. (Although I think they should go with the kid from Arkansas, McFadden, if he is still around).

Regardless, the battle of the Jones' brothers was somewhat anti-climatic, with Dallas's Julius Jones rushing for 64 yards on 14 carries (26 yards receiving as well) and our boy Thomas Jones only having 40 yards on 17 carries. TJ has STILL not scored a touchdown and the Jets have played 12 fucking games. How is this even possible? (Yet I still have him on my FF roster).

The only bright spots were that Kerry Rhodes made a nice INT and Revis played pretty well (minus the one play) on TO. TO didn't know who Revis was, which was a dis but TO is TO, so the statement itself doesn't suprise me. After the game Revis spoke to TO and said the conversation went "well." Next time they play Revis is going to be at the point where TO is going to know he his when Revis gives TO a fucking concussion.

Regardless, I thought the 'Boys were going to spank the Jets and I was right. But deep down I thought they would put up a little bit of a fight, which they did for the first quarter or so. But you know its bad when your coach challenges a spot on a third-down play, hoping to trim a yard or two off fourth and three. (The challenge was unsuccessful, by the way). The second half was a complete disaster, as the Jets didn't get a first down until there were 5 minutes 19 seconds left in the game. Awful.

All I can say is that the Miami Dolphins are frothing at the mouth hoping they avoid a "defeated" season when they play the Jets next week. Show us something Clemens!

Go Jets!


OTHER STUFF....


1. Did you guys know the Jets Cheerleaders are called "The Flight Crew". They are sort of hot, but it is hard to tell from this photo.

Maybe we should blame them for the Jets sucking so bad. I think during home games you can get a photo with them in the Bubble. At least before the Steelers game people could, and I have to tell you, there were more fucking Steelers fans than Jets fans getting pictures. Fucking ridiculous. I'm so glad the Steelers lost, but what the fuck? It's no wonder the fans were waving their gay "Terrible Towels" during that game, there were thousands of Steeler fans at the game. Shame on those Jets fans who sold their tickets to Steelers fans.

Anyway, I think the Cowboys cheerleaders could kick the Flight Crew's ass in a "Hot Piece of Ass" matchup as well. Here's one of them:

She is pretty easy on the eyes. However, it should be noted that the Cowboys' Cheerleaders have been doing this for a while and are pretty much the New England Patriots of NFL Cheerleaders.

Anyhoo, back to business...

2. Eli Manning is awful.


Honestly, he should have just stayed on the ground and starting crying. They should have carted him off the field for being a pussy lame-ass loser. How about these stats: 21 for 49 for 273 yards with 1 TD and 4 INTs, with three of those INTs run back for Minnesota TDs! Granted, it's not completely Eli's fault that 3 of his INTs were run back for scores, but it is pretty fucking pathetic.

This is a game the G-Men should have won, and they completely shit the bed. And they got slaughtered too, 41-17. (I wish I had MN's Defense on my FF team). It was just a disaster across the board. They have 8 million running backs, and all the good ones were hurt. Fucking Eli can't win a game if his life depended on it, their defense let Tavaris Jackson beat them (10 of 12 for 129 yards and a TD and 38 yards rushing on 5 carries) and did I forget to mention that the Vikings were 4-6 coming into the game? How can the Giants beat the Lions one week and look like a fucking Pop Warner team the next week?

Eli continues to disappoint, and I know Figs is going to defend him (again) but come on!!!! Eli's no Peyton, and he is not even close to catching up to his big brother. Speaking of Peyton, I like that guy more and more. He's a funny mother fucker with all those commercials, and he won his ring, so he can just chill out now.

Anyway, the GMen better step up against the Bears next week. I think they will most likely make the playoffs, but don't expect them to make it past the first round. (That being said, it is a hell of a lot better than the Jets are going to do, fucking Jets).

3. The fucking Pats won again. I didn't think the Eagles were going to make a game of it, but they did, with JO Feeley no less. If the Eagles had a good quarterback maybe they would have won. Fucking AJ just wanted to throw the ball to the Patriots last night, that stupid fuck. Fucking Tom Brady. I hope teams learned something last night and blitz the shit out of Brady and then maybe somebody will beat those fucks.

4. You who else blows, Keith Oberman. This jerkoff has his "Worst Person in the NFL" and I'm assuming he has the same stick on his "Countdown" show, and yesterday he blasted the K for Denver for kicking to Devin Hester. Maybe Oberman's right, but where does he come off saying somebody the "worst" in anything? This fucking jerkoff used to be on "Sports Center" and now he considers himself a real "journalist". Hey Keith, a real journalist writes articles for newspapers like the NY Times or the Washington Post, you fucking sit on a panel with Chris Collinsworth and talk about football once a week. Chris Collinsworth is one of the biggest tools in this world. I rank Collinsworth in the top 5 tools of the world, and that includes the leaders of Iran, North Korea and Venezuela. He is right up there. My ranking may go something like this:

1. Osoma Bin Laden
2. Leader of North Korea
3. Leader of Venezuela
4. Chris Collinsworth
5. Leader of Iran

Regardless, Oberman neglected the fact that there are 11 people on the field during a kick and everyone has the same job, tackling the fucking guy with the football. The guy with the least responsibility is the kicker, because he is the pussy of the group.

5. We played our annual Thanksgiving Football game and it was a lot of fun. We ended up playing against a bunch of in-shape younger guys who didn't have cleats, so we managed to beat them for a while until they just used their best player to run for a TD every time he touched the ball. The fucker was impossible to tackle. They ended up winning 13 TDs to 10TDs or something. I am still sore.

Regardless, Unruly threw the football like a champion, hitting almost all of his targets and not throwing any interceptions. It was the best I have seen him throw in years, and even though two years ago many in the MFL were calling for his retirement at the QB position, he stuck it out like Brett Farve and he proved the critics wrong just like Farve did. Way to go Unruly. I hope you bring it Christmas time when you are battling Figs. (We better fucking play). By the way, I can honestly say that the Mendham field BLEW and that we are going to have to move the game back to Florham Park where it is level and straight. We'll discuss that at another time, but I see a good game on Christmas Eve morning developing, me, Unruly, Figs, the cousins and nephews, Rupert, the Jew, McMahon, etc.

FINALLY, GO JETS! KICK THE DOLPHINS' ASS THIS WEEK!!!!!!!

Fucking Scumbag Jets Fans are going to ruin it for the rest of us drunks...

Here we go again... First they boo Chad Pennington's injury, now they harass women to take their tops off. Fucking jerkoff Jets' fans.


According to the fuckcocks over at the New York Times (who, like Rolling Stone magazine, is the most liberal piece of garbage ever to be printed on paper) at every halftime at Gate D the fans stand on the causeway and harass women to take off their tops and when they don't they harass them and throw shit at them.



Security, according to the New York Times, does nothing about it. The police also ignore it, according to the Times. And when some snot-nosed jerkoff reporter asked a security guard about it, they questioned him and seized his pussy little recorder. That to me is funny, because fuck the New York Times and their homo reporters. What is not funny, however, is that these stupid mother fuckers have to hang out and harass people.



Here is the problem, which these stupid cunt motherfuckers don't realize. Now that the Times has written an article about this shit, the Jets are going to do something about it. Hey, here is a possible solution, STOP SERVING BOOZE AT GAMES. That way the stupid cunts don't get drunk and yell and throw shit. Will that solve the problem? Fuck no. But they will do it. That will ruin it for people like me and my other buddies who like to have a few drinks like gentlemen while cheering the Jets on. Instead, we'll have to be sober and watch them get their asses kicked. It's not fair and it's not right. But these stupid fuckers who can't handle their booze will try their hardest to ruin it for everybody.



My question is to these people, What the fuck is wrong with you? Yes, there is no question that tits, football and beer are a great combination, but you know what, you don't go to fucking Jets games to see tits or pussy, you go to watch your favorite team and cheer them on. A large percentage of these stupid fucking fans take it upon themselves to curse, harass people and act like stupid cunts the whole game, thus ruining it for the families and normal fans around their seats. It's a joke and it's pathetic. I can't even think about bringing my kid to a Jets game until he is old enough to fucking at least vote. The shit the fans say, the fights, the drunkenness, it is appalling and I've had enough. It's bad enough our team is bad, but now certain fans are making the fans look bad too? Guess what, if you want to see tits at a football game, bring a fucking porno magazine with you you stupid fucks! Or print this photo out and carry it in your pocket you cocksmoking loser!!!!!


Give me a fucking break!!!!! I think I am an elitist, because I really consider myself better than a TON of people. Stupid, unrefined fuckheads with no class whatsoever make me sick to my stomach. These are the type of people that play softball in a beer league and are part of a bowling/dart, etc. team and or are members of a lake community. Fucking losers, all of them, no matter how hard they try to act like a civilized member of society. The world would be better off if they were all murdered. Jail is too good for them and it wouldn't help. And their stupid fucking kids usually grow up to be just like them, pieces of shit. Put them out of their misery and poison their Schaffer's Beer.



With that, I end this portion of the post by sending out a few "fuck yous"

First, fuck the Jets fans who can't control themselves at Jets games and ruin it for the other REAL fans.

Second, fuck the New York Times for being such a pain in the ass. Stick to harassing Republican politicians and leave the Jets alone.

Finally, fuck people who are members of lake communities.



OTHER SHIT...


Oh yeah, the Jets are playing on Thanksgiving. Well, I plan on being intoxicated that day so I won't feel so bad when the Cowboys score at least 35 points against them. That's not to say the Jets won't score some points and make it close (which I will take at this point) but I don't think the Jets can keep up with the Cowboy's offense. I hope they do, but I'm not optimistic.



Either way, GO JETS!



Tomorrow Unruly will host the 15th annual Turkey Bowl game, this time in Mendham, NJ. It should be a great turnout and I have to hand it to Unruly for putting it all together. I can't wait to play and it should be fun. Unfortunately, I am out of shape and I'm going to be sore for a fucking week after I hit the ground once. Apparently Figgy is playing the same type of game in Denver at the same time (in a different time zone of course).



The Giants play Minnesota and I think they should win this one, especially because AP is out. We'll see.



Finally, I hope all of you have a good Thanksgiving, except if you are one of the fuckheads I mentioned above or you work at the New York Times, if so go fuck yourselves and choke on a turkey bone. (And of course I'm only kidding about 67% of the people who are in lake communities)

It's a fucking miracle, I was right for once! Go Jets!

Well, my pseudo-prediction came to fruition last night, as the Jets dominated the Pittsburgh Steelers 19-16 in overtime. Clemens (14 for 31 162 1 TD, 1 INT) fucked up several times but in the end he did his job and led the team down the field to set up a FG to put the game into OT. And then in OT after the Jets D stopped the Steelers on a 3 and out L Wash gave the Jetropolitans great field position with a great punt return to set up the winning field goal, which Ted Nugent actually made. Yeah!!!!!

Thomas Jones was solid as usual, yet he couldn't get into the fucking endzone yet again. He hasn't scored since he was a Bear. Regardless, he ran for 117 yards on a defense that only lets up 72 yards or so every game. And the Steelers hadn't allowed a 100 yard rusher since 2000 fucking 5! Great job OLine and Mr. Jones!

The defense, WOW! It was like they were a different team! 7 fucking sacks! I think Ben Rothensburger or whatever the fuck his name was like Butch Cassidy and kept asking his linemen, "Who are those guys?" They held Willie Parker to 52 yards and made some key stops during the game.

The fact that the Jets couldn't get more than a few field goals despite being inside the 10 yard line 4 times (they did score 1 TD) doesn't bode well for next week, when they play the 9-1 Cowboys, but at least they won this week.

To be honest, I'd like to think that Curtis' presence at the game had something to do with this victory. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it was the bye week. Or maybe it was just the fact that they are sick of losing. Either way, they need to carry this feeling with them. They will be the underdog for the rest of the season save one game (the Dolphins) and they have a chance to at least be a spoiler and win some games. To that end, I hope they kick some ass and take some names.

Go Jets!!!!!!

OTHER FUCKED UP AND RANDOM STUFF

1. "Terrible Towels" at a Jets game? It's true. Chris Baker said he took it personally and I hope that those fuckers waving them got dosed with beer after the Steelers lost. Fuck them.

2. Chad Pennington was cheering like a motherfucker on the sidelines. He is a gentleman and a scholar and he yet again shows why he is a class act and a team player. I hope he is quarterbacking the Falcons or Minnesota next year.

3. Can Brad Smith please catch important throws? The fucking guy probably keeps telling Mangina that he is a quarterback and Mangines won't listen. But he isn't making that great of a WR. Pretty pathetic bunch yesterday after Coles got injured (again).

4. I fucking hate fantasy football and I'm letting it affect my rooting for the Jets. When Chris Baker scored yesterday I was pissed it wasn't Cotchery. What the fuck is wrong with me? Fantasy football has ruined my life. Fucking fantasy football. Speaking of which, Unruly's team set the record for scoring this week, he has Owens, Romo and Moss, and they kicked ass.

5. The Giants beat the Lions. It was a good victory for them and I'm so proud of Eli Manning. He is the best quarterback in the world and if I had a choice between Eli and almost anyone else at QB I would want Eli, because he never makes mistakes and should be exempt from any criticism whatsoever. Go Eli, you are my hero. NOT. Fuck him and the Giants. How many times were the fucking Lions in a position to win the game? They fucking suck, and Kinta should change his name to Cunta. It's easier to spell and pronounce anyway. Although I have to say, the refs made some awful calls against the Giants in that game, so that was bullshit.

6. I watched a little bit of the Pats/Bills game last night, and I have to say that Tom Brady is one of the best QBs I have ever seen play in my life. The guy is poised, has a great arm and finds the open receiver. Of course, he has all day and he's got Randy Moss, but still. He is as calm as a motherfucker, even when the pocket is collapsing. I'm not saying Peyton isn't great too, but I mean, Brady is fucking good.

7. I had a dream that I drove my car off a bridge that was out last night. I drove off the bridge and the car flipped and landed in the water and then I was in like slow motion trying to open the door, which wouldn't budge. I think you need to be opening your windows when your car is going over the bridge, or else the pressure won't let you open the door or window once you are submerged. Needless to say, it wasn't the kind of "wet dream" I like to have. ha ha ha ha

8. I wish I was my own boss. Then I would open up my own office and hire a hot slutty secretary. Don't ask me what kind of business I would run, that requires too much thought. I would leave the business ideas to my slutty director of operations.

9. Does anyone actually believe anything political candidates say? Honestly, I don't believe a word out of their stupid lying mouths. I mean, George Bush never came out and said that he was going to get the ball rolling for WW III and have everyone in the world hate us, but Goddamn he came through on that plan. Imagine if that was his platform? "America, I promise you your sons and daughters will shed their blood on the soil of Iraq even though we won't steal the oil there so it will be all for naught" and so on. I think he would have still won because Kerry was such a pussy it didn't matter. Anyway, all of it is such bullshit and rhetoric it makes me ill. That being said, at least we have the opportunity to vote for our leaders so that's good. One side note, since when is torture such a bad thing? Shit, they are only suspected terrorists, who cares? If it's good enough for Jack Bauer than it's good enough for me.

10. Speaking of Jack Bauer, this writer's strike is getting really annoying. All these fucking losers picketing and crying because they don't get money for this or that, fuck them. Just keep entertaining me and shut the fuck up. I don't care if you don't 5 cents every time some idiot downloads the Office onto their computer. Just keep writing and do your job monkeys. Honestly, if not then I will volunteer to be a scab writer. I'm telling you right now, I would have more main characters killed off on every show faster than the shows would be produced.

Some of my brilliant ideas if I were a scab:

In Heroes, I would have that Jap get killed in the Hiroshima nuclear blast, (isn't he traveling through time or something, I don't know because I would rather watch a fucking baby being born on TLC, that's how much I can't stand Heroes).

I would produce a Charlie Brown special where he shoots himself in his bald head and Snoopy discovers his body. Further investigation would reveal the decaying corpse of Lucy, whom Charlie raped and murdered earlier in the week. Linus would get stabbed and strangled with his own blanket to death in the Pumpkin Patch by an unknown assailant while waiting for the "Great Pumpkin" (later to be revealed as Sally). Peppermint Patty would come out of the closet by making the moves on the other little girl she hangs with (don't know her name) and would later hang herself when the children make fun of her for being gay. The girl with the natural curly red hair turn out to be a porn star and eventually would be managed by the kid who plays the piano.

MTV - I would turn every single reality show into a version of this show called, "Last Person Standing" Basically, every show on MTV would be the same, but instead of the losers in the competition being voted off or dismissed by the woman/man who is the prize, those people would be murdered, on camera, for the world to see. Eventually everyone gets killed until there is one person left. That person would have the option to kill themselves or take the prize money. Hopefully they do the latter. For the "Real World" series, I would create a show whose prize is to walk into the Real World home with an uzi or a Tech 9 (or shit, maybe even just a Desert Eagle or something) and try to take out as many of the characters as possible. "Real World" would air first at 8:00, followed by "I want to be the next Real World Mass Murderer" at 8:30. Anyone would half a brain would love it, because you have a reason to hate the stupid fucks on Real World and by the time the Mass Murderer show came on you would be excited to see who would get the chance to kill all of the Real World idiots.

In fact, this idea would be expanded on for every single reality show in America, from American Idol to Survivor. The premise works on almost every show, it would be instant ratings. Speaking of American Idol, for all the people who know they can't sing and just want to be on TV, they would all be lined up and shot like it was Nazi Germany in the 1940s or shit, Russia during Stalin or whenever people were mass executed. All these people "need killin'" and there are too many people in the world anyway. In the end, it would hopefully achieve what I've always wanted, the end of reality TV. In my version of reality TV, "The Simpson (Jessica and Nick)" would have never ended in a divorce, it would have ended with Nick cutting Jessica's father's head off then putting a screwdriver in the back of Ashley's head (Goodfellas style) and Jessica shooting Nick in the balls at the end. It would have been the first billion-dollar making show.

Fuck Reality TV, this writing strike is going to just make the Network execs want to put more of this shit on, much to dismay. The only good thing is that reality shows need good writing too, and trust me, if you think reality TV is real you need to get your head examined, because it's bullshit. (You think "Surviorman" is real? Kill yourself or try to do what he does without a camera crew and a stash of food and water, the result will be same). So who knows. All I know is that I want new Offices, 30 Rocks, 24s and Shields. Stop crying writers or else you will just be replaced by insane bloggers and reality tv hacks!

GOOOOOO JETS!!!!!!!!

Oh, since I am going to hell for this post (along with a million other reasons) I have decided to turn my office "green" by buying a recycling receptacle. That's right, my office doesn't recycle, and I'm going to change that. I should be awarded the "Environmentalist of the Week" award. Unruly, think you can write an article about me in the Mendham Observer Bee and how great I am? Thanks.

Finally, I have to repost this picture I found from Unruly's yearbook. He really looks awesome in it and it still makes me laugh.

Yo, Fuckheads, the Jets are playing this Sunday!

I smell an upset! Why? Why the fuck not? The Steelers aren't that fucking great. Their QB, Ben Rothenscunter or whatever the fuck his name is, is overrated and plays not to lose (except that one game where he had 5TD passes or whatever, but look at his performance in the Super Bowl, they won IN SPITE of him).



The biggest problem the Jets are going to have on Sunday is making sure Chad Pennington doesn't get into the game. What I'm saying is, they need to protect Kellen and let him throw the fucking ball!!!!! 6 or 7 sacks will spell disaster for the Jets. Running the ball is going to be tough, but the Jets don't believe in running the ball this year anyway, that is probably why they only signed a running back for fucking 20 million or whatever.



Regardless, the Jets have a shot on Sunday, believe me. It's going to be a close game and who knows, maybe after the break the Jets have a new lease on life and will play better. Fuck, they have nothing to lose except the top pick in the draft. And any player or team that plays for a draft pick should fucking quit the NFL today. That is bullshit, pussy-ass faggotry at its most pathetic. PLAY TO WIN!!! Fuck draft picks, they are playing for self-respect at this point.

You know else they should win? Because at half-time they are honoring arguably one of the best Jets ever, Curtis Martin. The guy was awesome, and a class act on and off the field. I have nothing but respect for guy, even though he used to be a Patriot. Curtis, you rock!

Look at his guy's fire! Let's see some of that from the current players!

Let's Go Jets!

OTHER SHIT


1. A-Rod is staying with the Yankees?! I'm pretty surprised this happened, but hey, I give AJob some credit. Good for him. Interestingly, Gay Jeter is in some trouble because he said he lived in Florida from 2001-2003 to allegedly avoid NYC taxes. Guess he's not perfect after all. And he has to deal with ARod for 10 more years, clearly a better player than he.


2. Barry Lamar Bonds got indicted. Who the fuck cares? Nobody likes him, ARod will break the HR record, he is just going to be another chump. He is a miserable bastard and he took steriods, big fucking deal. Not for nothing, steroids don't make you a good hitter. They may make you stonger and last longer (although he is probably falling apart now) but they can't make your hand-eye coordination improve. Whatever.


3. Vinny "Old Bastard" Testaverde is starting again this week. I pray that one day I will be as in shape as that mother fucker is at his age. What is he, fucking 48 years old? I'd like to see Joe Namath come out of the Jets in the final game of the season. At that point they could have nothing to lose.


4. The fucking cleaning people in my office only come once every two weeks. I have two small garbage cans (one is a Mets garbage can) and they are full of fucking garbage. It's like NYC when the garbage haulers go on strike, there is just shit everywhere. Newspapers, soup containers, sandwich wrappers, it's fucking disgusting. I have am starting to enjoy it at this point. I am going to buy plastic rats and put them around the office to see if bothers anyone. Every garbage is jam packed. This place is a fucking disaster. Fucking cleaning people, those fucks.


5. I hate fantasy football. It ruins football for me and I vow never to play it again after this year. It's too stressful.


6. Paterson, NJ is a shithole. Dont' go there unless you want to buy crack. It's so annoying, the citizens just walk in front of your car, there are a million streetlights and construction everywhere. If you have a choice of taking your own life or driving into downtown Paterson, think about what you to lose with both options. It may be easier to blow your brains out.


7. I hate the Patriots so much it makes my blood boil. I think that in 10 years a good movie would be called, "We are the Patriots" staring Matthew Fox as Tom Brady and the dead guy Jack Palance as Bill Bellicunt. Seriously, they could just dig up the body and use strings to make his mouth move. Palance's corpse would be more believable than a living Bellicunt.


8. The Giants came back down to earth last week and proved everything I have been saying about Eli Manning since he was in college. He fucked up on those game delay penalties, he can see the fucking clock and he can't call time out or run a play? He thinks he is Peyton pointing and yelling and shit, somebody should say, "Hey, fuckstick, you want to call a play or sit here and cry about a roving DB all day?" Some leader. Next. The GMen play the Lions this week, and if they lose they are going to be awful the rest of the year. If they win (and it would be a good victory against an upstart Lions squad) then they will have proven something to me a little bit at least.


9. I have been having a recurring dream of getting attacked by zombies. I fucking hope zombies don't rise from the dead and go looking for human flesh. It would suck. The logistics of it all would be a nightmare, I live near a cemetary and if it's anything like "Dawn of the Dead 2007" then at least I have a short drive to a mall. I don't know which mall would be better to hang out in, the Livingston or Short Hills. I think the food selection is more diverse at Livingston, and I fucking hate that shithole restaurant in the Short Hills Mall, "American Joes" It should be callled, "The Worst Restaurant in the World" because it is.


Anyway, I'm thinking I need to buy a gun in case zombies do rise from the dead. But at the same time I probably shouldn't put that on my "Reason for Buying Gun: ________" part of the application. It could raise some flags.


10. Seriously, the Jets might win this week. Have some fucking faith for once, you miserable fucks!


GO JETS!

At least they can't lose next week...

Holy shit. The Jets suck. I though they had that game in the bag, up 17-3, their offense was moving the ball, their defense was stopping the 'Skins when it had to, and then it all started to fall apart and that stupid kicker on the Redskins made kick after kick after kick and BAM! It's over. Portis had the best game of his season (not hard to do against Jets' defense) and the Jets' offense was plagued by a huge fumble and several dropped passes. It's a fucking shame.

Clemens was decent, 23 of 42 for 226 yards with 1 TD and no INTs. He also ran the ball very well (7 for 48 yards) which impressed me. He has way more mobility than Chad, along with a better arm, so there is hope to found. Thomas Jones was useless, (13 for 49), again, aren't they supposed to run when they have a lead?

A definite ray of light, David Fucking Harris, or the "H-Bomb" as I like to call him. (Nickname trademarked). I hope that nickname doesn't offend or affront any of this blog's Japanese readers! (right...)

The fucking guy had 24 tackles yesterday (20 solo) and has 41 tackles and 1 sack in two games. Not too shabby. It's just too bad nobody else could make a play on defense. I mean, the Jets made Jason Campbell look decent, which is pathetic. Not to mention fucking Portis, that jerkoff. Oh, and the Jets need to release Andre Dyson, he is FUCKING AWFUL. Portis destroyed him all game and he runs away from a ball carrier, not towards them. "Oh, you can get the first down and I'll try to push you out of bounds like a pussy" is his motto. Sit him down, there has to be somebody with more heart on the bench to replace him.

Like I said, the Jets won't lose this week, thank God, and when they come back from their "bye" week they have to face the Steelers, who are having a pretty good year. Great.

OTHER CRAP...

1. I wish I had Adrian Peterson on my fantasy football team, the guy breaks the single-season rushing record with 296 yards and already has over 1000 for the season. Good for him.

2. Figs owes me 20 bucks since the Colts shit the fucking bed against the Patricunts. I cannot believe they lost that fucking game! They were up by 10 in the fucking fourth quarter and they lose? Pathetic. And there is Tom Brady, headbutting his fucking lineman like he is a tough guy. Can somebody please decapitate that fucking guy? I'll be the first to admit I am jealous of Brady, he is good looking, awesome at football and is dating a huge piece of ass. (At least I get to see my son though, so I am a better father than him - yet given the chance he would probably out-father me as well). But now, he has gone from "aww shucks" to "I am the fucking man, nobody can fuck with me and my boys!" and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I don't want the guy to get killed or paralyzed but how about a shoulder injury to put him out for the season? I would say kill Bill Bellicunt but I think he is already dead. Guy probably sleeps in a coffin under Gillette Stadium. Fuck him, and the Colts blow.

3. College Football nonsense - Notre Dame really blows, how is that possible? ... Speaking of blows, Rutgers lost to Connecticut, which is retarded. What is more retarded is that Connecticut is going to win the Big Least this year. ... I hope Oregon wins the National Championship this year, I can't stand Ohio State, but if Oregon loses, they should be forced to change that fucked up get-up they call a uniform to something less heinous. .... Boston College is lamer than the fucking Colts, Florida State blows and they can't even beat them. I'm sick of fucking teams dropping the ball when they are faced with pressure.

4. Brian Williams hosted SNL this week. I didn't see it, but can anyone think of somebody less funny to host? Next week I heard they have Pervez Musharraf, should be hilarious.

5. Hot or Not? Since people were tired of "funny" girls, this weeks' stinkbox is a certified actress, none other than Kate Mara, the daughter of the Wellington Mara (or some sort of relation there) former owner of the Giants. You may remember her from such movies as "Shooter", "We are Marshall" and "Brokeback Mountain". She was also in a few episodes of "24" last year, as one of the CTU busy bees.

I like the underwear/shotgun shot, it really demonstrates her acting skills. Regardless, she's hot.


Go Jets!

Let the Clemens era begin... (it's too bad he has such a shitty last name though).

Don't look so glum Kellen, the Pennington Era has ended. The woeful Jets will try out their "boy" Clemens and see what he is made of for what I'm assuming is the rest of the season. I don't know if he can save this awful team (ranked 30th in the NFL in offense and 29th in defense) but it's worth a shot.

There is no getting around the fact that Clemens has the worst last name in sports, the obvious reason is that fuckstick Rodger Clemens shares it with him. I still wish Mike Piazza would challenge Clemens or his meathead son to a "Battle Royale" steel cage match battle to the death or something, but Piazza is a CA boy now and has probably turned into a pussy.

That aside, Clemens hasn't had many opportunities, but besides the alleged comeback against the Ravens he hasn't been that great. His QB rating is a paltry 46.0, he has completed less than 50% of his passes (29 of 59) for 362 yards and only has 1 TD against 4 INTS. Granted, one of the INTs was a Hail Mary so that one doesn't count. He also could be missing Mr. Coles, who had the shit knocked out of him last week while making his only catch of the game. In Coles' place would be the 2.4 million-dollar-a-year-making-4-catches-for-49-yards-dropped-two-passes-that-could-have-tied-the-Ravens-game Justin McCariens. What a waste of fucking money. Halfway through the season, the guy has 49 yards receiving and makes 2.4 mil? I wish I could play football (that would first require me to wish I was a foot taller, unfortunately only about 40 pounds heavier, (but all my existing fat turned into muscle) and fast. I do have good hands though. (That's what she said). Regardless, I hope McCariens can redeem himself should he get the start, because apparently Clemens and him have some sort of gay connection from their work together in the off-season and training camp.

Anyway, the Jets play the 'Skins this week in Washington. The Redskins are 4-3 but they just got their asses handed to them by the Patriots. The 38-14 drubbing the Pats gave the Jets looked close compared to the trouncing the Redskins received. Speaking of which, I'm surprised the Redskins haven't gone all PC (especially in that town) and turned into girls and changed their names. Here are some suggestions if they do become lame and give in to an ever-dwindling Native American population (most of whom is too drunk to notice anyway):

The Washington Blowhards (salute to the politicians living there)

The Washington Faggots (because they gave in to the Injuns, but that could bother a certain segment of the population as well).

The Washington Little Girls (nicer way to explain their giving in to PC nonsense)

As far as the game goes, there is no reason why Washington should lose. By the way, Pete Kendall is quietly rejoicing in the fact that he got the fuck out of NY, but not giving the Jets any locker room material with his comments. That being said, I think the Jets have a chance this week. Kellen will be all hyped up, Thomas Jones is fucking good if the Jets ever decide to use him correctly, and Harris could lead the defense even better than he did last week. Let's face it, the Jets could have won the last two weeks but just shit the bed. The Redskins aren't that fucking good to begin with, so I think the old Jetropolitans have a chance in this one. The QB for the 'Skins is awful and their two main WRs (Randle-El and Moss) don't even have any TDs. Portis is Portis, he can be shut down and he defended having dog fights, so fuck him. The Redskins are a couple of lucky breaks away from being 2-5. They can't live on luck forever and the Jets luck has to change for the better sooner or later.

We'll see what happens, but I think the Jets have a chance.

OTHER SHIT...

1. The kicker for San Fransico got fined $7,500 for giving fans the finger last week in San Fran. Joe Nedney should be commended for flipping off the fans. Let the poor guy get out some frustration, because kicking is a thankless job. Either way you considered a pussy, you are expected to make everything and when you miss everyone hates you. Kickers aren't getting laid like QBs, even if they score more points than the QB. Do you really think some chic is going to latch on to a fucking kicker if they can bang the RB or QB? The only way a lady (term used loosely) wants to hang with a kicker is if: 1. He is roomates with Tom Brady or 2. Everyone else is passed out or left the bar already. Seriously, how good is the pick-up line "I kicked the winning field goal today." When the QB is saying, "Yeah, I led the team down the field so my faggy field kicker could do his job and not lose the game I won." Imagine this one, "I haven't missed an extra point in 35 attempts this year." Or "I was 24 out of 31 in field goals last year and 3 for 3 over 50 yards!" Whoa!!!!!!!!!! The only chic who will dig that type of shit must own a fantasy football team.

Regardless, I think players should be able to do something when they suck and they get abused by the fans, because the fans are doing a lot worse to them. Throwing beers, snowballs, racial epitaphs, swears, etc. at them when they can't do anything? That's kind of lame. And I bet $7500 is a lot to a kicker, right? What Nedney should have done is said "Fuck your mothers" or something like that, where they can't get a photo of him doing it or read his lips too well. Lastly, it is kind of funny when fans throw beers on players. When Chad Johnson did the "Lambeau leap" instead of embracing Johnson like most of his seatmates did, one dude poured his Budwiser on him. Fucking hilarious. And trust me, beers at NFL games are fucking expensive, so it was probably a gut reaction or natural instinct kicking in. Good for that guy.

2. Lions QB Jon Kitna is getting his balls busted for wearing a Halloween costume. He wore a "naked guy" costume and apparently it has pissed some people off because one of the Detroit coaches was caught driving around naked.
His wife was a fast-food employee or something. Kitna apologized, but come on, he didn't need to, it is fucking funny!!!!!! It's even funnier that one of the coaches got picked up for driving around naked. First, that coach is a shithead and possibly a kiddie-toucher. Second, maybe Kitna didn't like the coach and was like, "Ya Burnt!" It's not like a coach had cancer and Kitna wore a bald piece on his head to make fun of that coach's chemo treatments, come on!

Either way, I don't like Kitna because the guy hasn't won an important game his entire career, but he is adequate so he will continue to get starting gigs wherever he goes. Fuck him as a player, but good for him as a human. As for his wife, she looks like fucking Sarah Jessica Parker. That would have been a better costume for that stinkbox. I would say he should do better, but he's only Jon Kitna, he doesn't even know how to spell John. (Or at least his parents didn't).

3. Rutgers plays Connecticut this weekend. I think the Huskies are going to kick the Knights' ass. Will Connecticut do much the rest of the season? I doubt it. They are a joke too.

4. Finally, "Hot or Not II"

Her name is Kristin Wiig:

This chic works on Saturday Night Live and was in the movie "Knocked Up" where she was pretty funny. She is going to play at least one of the main character's wives in the soon-to-be released Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story and that looks funny. So, she is pretty funny and doesn't have any major facial scars, but is she "hot?" I don't know how smart she is, I don't think she went to Harvard or anything like that, but then again, she could probably get in now, with or without a high school degree. That's the thing about Harvard, they let in anyone who is famous, those fucking cunts. I hate Harvard and my kids will never be allowed to go there on principal alone. (Even if they get their mother's brains and have a chance to get in). Are you telling me that fucking Claire Danes and the lead singer from Weezer are smart enough to get into fucking Harvard? Please!!!!!!!! What a fucking joke. In fact, if I ever become famous, I will fucking go to Harvard and get a Masters' in "Fuck-around-ology" which is what I'm sure the two aforementioned fuckheads got their degree in. Harvard, Ya Burnt!

I think Wiig's okay, but the way, but she needs a new last name.

On a side note, my pumpkin had this indentation or scratch on it, so when I carved it I called it a Tina Fey O'Latern. (See the prior post for an explanation). Needless to say, it was a little hot.

GO JETS!!!!!!