2.13.2007

We Offseason Scattershots

The Super Bowl was a terribly climactic event, more so this year more than others, for this writer was even more invested in the NFL season than ever. This season was expertly and prudently observed and analyzed in the highest of impartial journalism by these Fearsome Foursome of sports journalists on J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog.

Like the athletes and coaches themselves, we have signed off and gone on with the baptism of yet another long off-season. Take Fakehead for instance, he has jetted for the warmth of a resort in Mexico. Due to stalking, obsessive fans we can not reveal the exact location as this hustling reporter needs some well-earned time away. Before he resumes his duties in the summer as the J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog Training Camp Beat Writer ( and one hell of a schedule, juggling being a high-powered attorney in Morris County and commuting to Hofstra to report on the daily GangGreen goings-on), it is time to reflect on the many breaking stories brought public by his insider bombshells. For instance, it was Faker who outed the story of Saban and Alabama, TO's attempted suicide, Jake Plummer's penis size, Curtis Martin's upcoming Comeback Tour and the impending sale of the Seattle Seahawks to Michael Jackson.

What's shocking is that because he is as vulgar as the snow is deep in New York State (-THAT'S the shit I went through!!!), he is disqualified for the Pulitzer. But does Faker care? Nah, He revels in his alter-ego because by day he fights for the law and by night he skirts it with his vigilante brand of sports journalism. He deserves a great vacation. Here he is with his wife relaxing on a remote Mexican beach:


He's had that Speedo since high school, people. Most of you - and I'm refering to the legions of fans out there, you know who you are - are probably wondering where our most philosophical and warmongering voice has gone. As are we all, secretive as always is the ever-elusive Mookie McFly is in one of three places.

There were whispers that he embarked in a journey commemorating Jack Kerouac's On The Road, personally retracing Kerouac's experiences and footsteps. However, I have not seen him in Denver so either he's not here yet or he is not doing that at all. The second possibility is that he is in his basement feverishly working like an enslaved Chinaman on re-vamping the J-E-T-S Blog Blog Blog. The third possibility is that he is at Mets Training Camp in Florida working undercover as an equipment manager/ urine sample collector and verifier.

Personally, I think McFly is at Number Two. The plot thickens however, because where is the Founding Father in All Of This? The UNRULY JETS FAN!

Aha! He is very close to Mookster, as he has him chained to his computer desk! With whip in hand, Unruly is pushing McFly to his very limits on improving this blog.

I am still on location in Colorado, but my vacation is coming. On April 3rd I will be headed across the Atlantic to visit our European friends. If I don't get too much human feces thrown in my face for being an American and Republican-looking, I am looking forward to meeting Other White People. Sure, I'll only make it out of Holland once or twice, but that is only because I am a World War II buff and absolutely HAVE to go somewhere where they fought. I'm thinking Eindhoven, sight of the 101st Airborne Operation Market Garden, depicted in the incredible series Band of Brothers. Or it could be Arnhem, where the 82nd Airborne lived through Hell's Highway, or the Ardennes Forest, scene of the Battle of the Bulge, Hitler's last gamble. I could go on and on. Anyway, it was a great season, keep checking in for regular reports and Mets talk! Overfloater out.

3 comments:

Unruly said...

Overfarter, the off season is slowing up a little. But fret not. I have huge plans for this spring. Everything will be in place by fathers day 2007. Looking forward to seeing you in April. I have a whole scouting report coming out in the next day or so. Keep your shirt on their sugar tits.

McFly will be allowed to come out of the cellar when he decides how to create a forum. Until then he will stay down there. Don't worry, I am giving him two cups of water a day. And I hear you can live without food for 45 days. It has only been 15 so he is should be fine now.

The Overfloater said...

Your gonna need to feed him some mind food. Either that or give him some water fortified with vitamins. If you kill him too soon or his brain just breaks down, then all our aspirations for the fame and riches that will surely be our downfall will never come true. So play it good, Unruly! You only have one shot at this.

4/11/07. Some public golf course in NJ.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

Dude, we are not going to play at some golf course. We are going to play at my club. When I say my club, I am referring to the County Course System. There are actually some really nice courses. I say Flanders we go to, which I think is the nicest. FP is ok, but it is short. It is a executive course, meaning a lot of par 3's and 4's. No Par fives. Stick with me, we are all set my friend.

Just gave McFart some gatorade. He seemed to chirp up a little after that. Smell ya.