Ok, back to business! Jets are going to win this week or else...

I'm going to write another gay blog? Ha ha, no! I only did that because I lost a bet in my fantasy football league. I am losing too many bets this year in both the fantasy and real world, and it's starting to piss me off. Or maybe it's giving me stomach cancer, but more on that later.

The Jets are going to win this week against the shitty Bills. Why? Because they have to, and Chad is playing for his job every week. Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't bench him this week with the season practically over, but hey, I like watching Chad run the Jets offense so I don't have a problem with it. (Although if they lose again this week Mangina has to start Clemens, no question about it).

You know who I would like to see have a breakout game and actually SCORE A TOUCHDOWN?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, OUR MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR RUNNING BACK, THOMAS JONES! I mean, look at this fucking guy, he is huge! He has been running the ball pretty well when given the chance. I just don't understand why the Jets aren't using him more. He carried the ball 12 fucking times against Cincinnati, and they needed to run the ball in the second half in that game!

Regardless, Jonesy only got 35 yards against the Bills the first time out, so they better be looking to give him the ball more this time.

As for the defense, I prayed to God today that they would stop that little homo Trent Edwards and the rest of the Bills offense this Sunday. God sent down lightning bolts at me but amazingly missed, because Him and I don't agree on a lot of things. Like, for instance, He thinks I should be a good person, and I am fucking dickhead. He thinks marriage is sacred, and I have a thing for Tiauana whores. (Kidding!). Anyway, God won't answer my prayers, but maybe the Jets defensive players will. Let's face it, we're stuck with this 3-4 nonsense, and it works about as well as appeasement did prior to WW II. Regardless, the Jets have to do their best with it. It amazes me that the media is calling for Vilma's head, when he was a stud in the 4-3 defense. Yes, he's not built for the 3-4 and he's having problems, but the guy is still fucking good!!!! I don't want the Jets to get rid of him, because 1). I have his jersey, so does my son and 2). He's fucking good! (More No. 1 than No. 2, but whatever).

Anyway, I'm hoping the Jets win this week, and I'm not going to make any predictions, because they are always a load of shit and I just randomly pick numbers. I make predictions on Unruly's Iron Hills blog, because I don't care. But I just want the Jets to win, I don't give a shit what the score is.

Let's Go Jets!!!!!!!


In my personal opinion I think I have stomach cancer, or at least an ulcer. I'm going to the doctor today to see what's up. Regardless, all this thought of cancer has made me think of a brilliant new reality TV show called "Three Months". Basically, the premise is the "star" has three months to live, and cameras follow him around for those three months while he gets into adventures showing that everyone should live life to its fullest because you never know what can happen. At the end of the three months, the "star" of course dies. However, if he hangs on for longer his contract will contain a clause that he has to blow his brains out at the end of the three months. It's only fair. If the guy has 4 months to live they can call it "Four Months". Regardless, I think that in today's fucked up reality-obsessed times it would be a huge hit! I'm kind of hoping I have stomach cancer so I can be the first one on it. (Of course, I would have to forego treatment, but who wants treatment anyway, I'm not giving up boozing and eating red meat no matter what). It would just be me, my dog and my camera crew. I can see the promos now, "This week on 'Three Months', Brian visits the Bunny Ranch and goes bareback" Or "Tonight, on 'Three Months', Brian needs money and is forced to rob a Commerce Bank, will he spend the last three weeks of his life in a Texas jail?" This is gold. I hereby patent this idea!

Oh, and don't feel bad for me if I actually get stomach cancer, because 1). I probably deserve it after this post and 2). It's still funny if I get it and 3). I'll be rich of my TV idea and at least my family will be taken care of!



Anonymous said...

Why waste your money on a doctor? I can diagnose you right now...obviously, you have toxic shock from leaving tampons up your vagina too long you f'ing skirt...

Unruly Jets Fan said...

Fakehead, you are one funny SOB. You really should have your own TV show now called, "The Lawyer who got Fired because he was blogging too much - and then died of stomach cancer."

Smell ya later...

Denver Dick said...

Man, you guys should have gone into TV producing. These are all wonderful ideas.

Fake, you don't have stomach cancer, watching the Jets crap the bed every week simply upsets your stomach - as it would any upstanding football fan.

Man, I really want to watch the show, "Brian goes to the Bunny Ranch and goes Bareback" HA! That would be too funny.

I heard the air conditioning in TX jails is pretty good.

At least come out to Colorado if you are going to rob banks. I won't help you, but if a map detailing escape routes through the mountains on foot somehow fall into your possession then so be(at) it. Everytime I go into the mountains I start dreaming up some crime caper novel I'd like to write where the guy makes it through the Rockies to Canada. Or Mexico. Take your pick, you could traverse to either without anyone ever even seeing you if you like.

I think the only Jerseys worth buying anymore are throwbacks, everyone else besides the Mannings and Tom Brady will get traded during their careers.

By the way, can't wait for the G-men to kick Dolphin tail this weekend. I'd almost rather watch the D than the offense, they are fucking awesome!!!! Umenyiora will get Def Player of the Year at this rate. Giants schedule looks very do-able for a 12-4, 13-3 season. Wooo hooo!!!

Unruly Jets Fan said...

"Fakehead goes Bareback"

That should be the new name of our blog.

Val Halla said...

Fakehead - shit man you had me in stitches.

Val Halla said...

You know - I was happy about the TJ acquisition, but he is proving to be a waste. Thanks Mangina.