NFL Predictions, everyone!

It is that time of year. Time to lay it all on the line for the big playoff push in the National Football League. And if you are lucky enough to have a team in contention, even better. That does, however, skew your ability to pick with neutrality. Case in point:

Figgy the Mick's playoff predictions! Take it to the bank, sell the farm and kick the bucket, even Berman's picks aren't this good.

In the AFC, these are the division winners:
West - Chargers
South - Colts
North - Ravens
East - Patriots

wild cards-Jacksonville and Cincinnati

In the NFC, division winners:
West - Seahawks
South - Saints
North - Da Bears
East - ughh, Cowboys

wild cards - Atlanta and the New York Football Giants

Here's how this biased commentator sees it shaking down:

Cincy goes to the Colts (who fall to the 3 seed) in which Indy wins a close one. Cincy runs for 175 yds and two TD's but Palmer throws a late pick to seal the deal.

Jacksonville travels to New England where Tom Brady performs his usual playoff magic. Jax is eliminated for the second year in a row at Foxboro.


Colts go to the Ravens and Peyton winds up running for his life. Jamal Lewis and Mike Anderson pound the ball, keeping the Colt offense off the field. Still, its a close one that the Colts lose. Baltimore is headed to the AFC Championship.

The Patriots go to play the San Diego SuperChargers, who finish the regular season as the NFL's best team. The Pats push them to the limit, but San Diego squeaks by thanks to NFL MVP LT. Expect a trick play from the ever-dangerous Patriots.


Baltimore travels to San Diego and lets everyone know who the dominant defense is. The Chargers D can't penetrate the massive Baltimore O line and Steve McNair plays an efficent game, no turnovers. San Diego turns it over twice, Rivers not ready yet, and Marty chokes down the stretch one more time.

Now for the woefully outclassed NFC:

The Falcons travel to the Cowboys, but Mike Vick puts on another amazing performance. They get one running back healthy, but still the Dallas D does just enough to win the day, Cowboys by four points.

The Giants start their revenge tour in Seattle, where they had the most horrid performance of the season in Week 3. Revenge for Eli, Tiki and company. Giants by 7.


The Cowboys travel to the Saints....and get blown out again by the league's best offense. Saints by 17!

The G-men hit the Windy City to take on the Monsters of the Midway. THIS time Rex Grossman is yanked by halftime, but to no avail. Griese can't win the day, the Giants win by one point capturing a massive upset. Plaxico and Shockey have a TD each.


The Saints prove too much for the Giants. Reggie, Deuce score and Brees has two TD's. Saints win by 10.


Ravens bring the Saints back down tom Earth. Ray Lewis gets another ring and Steve McNair gets his (well-deserved) first. Ravens 20, Saints 17.


jet titties said...

Boo, you suck...boo! What kind of Jets fan are you. You didn't even mention the Jets. I like Fakehead's posts much better than Figgy's. At least Fakehead is a Jets fan. You can tell because he drops the F bomb like crazy.

Figgy is definately not the titties. Fakehead, the titties.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

Yeah, Figgy. What the f. Your predictions are probably accurate but you have to help Jet fans who rely on our blog for their Jets info why the Jets are not going to make it.

We need to keep guys like Jet Titties to keep coming back. Or else our sponsors will stop the checks from coming in.

FiggytheMick said...

Look, why don't you post YOUR predictions. Could Ed from Westchester please come up with a cooler name. Jets Titties may be stupid, but at least she has a cool name. Probably a really cool chick who calls herself Jets Titties, can't expect the whole package and have her know what she's talking about in football, right?

The Jets best chances come from running the ball and stopping the run. Especially for a playoff push. Everyone agree? Good. So if Leon Washington is done flashing gang symbols on his rookie card, maybe he can start helping out the Jets.

Here is my gesture for all you Jet fans: my fantasy squad is the 3 seed as playoffs begin this weekend. I have a choice - play the Giants D against Philly or the Vikings D against the Jets. JUST FOR YOU GUYS I AM IGNORING MY GOOD SENSE and playing the Giants Defense. There, now you can't say that I am not helping out. I'll be rooting for the Jets this weekend, because I actually don't have anything but positive things to say about the Jets to people here in Colorado. Never hated them even as a Jerseyite. So why this loathing for your Blue brother? Gang Green and Big Blue can coexist peacefully, gentlemen. Despite Unruly's passion, I know he doesn't HATE the Giants, just prefers his boys in green.It's all for the betterment of the New York area. You guys fight worse amongst yourselves than the Taliban.

FiggytheMick said...

Ooops, hope the FBI didn't read that Unruly likes boys in green...

Unruly Jets Fan said...

My prediction is: Jets 31 - Vikings 10

Writer it down Figger the n word.

No one hates the Giants. We just hate Giants fans. The Giants are a good organization from the Mara family right down to GM. But some of the fans are just a little nutso.

OK, hope you like my prediction!

Fakehead said...

Excuse me, I hate the Giants. Fuck the Giants and their fans. Figgy, you are an exception to most Giants fans. I believe I wrote about them in a prior blog. To summarize that blog, they are a bunch of fuckheads. You at least don't think you are better than Jets fans, and for that I give you a lot of credit.

But peace between Jets and Giants fans? That is almost as hard as peace between Yankee and Met fans. It's not going to happen. You have a better chance of the president of Iran having lunch with the Prime Minister of Israel.

As for your predictions, it is a little early. Plus, I am still seething over the fact that I had Seattle's defense on my FF team and they did NOTHING.

So, to everyone in Seattle and all Seattle fans, Fuck you. Your team blows, and they are a bunch of pussies who can't even sack or intercept Alex Smith?????? You guys suck, and trust me, the only reason why I played your defense is because I had no choice. But it fucked me. And Deion Branch? The guy blows. Of course, the QB sucks so what did I expect? I fucking boycott the stupid Seahawks (gay name anyway) and all things Seattle from this day forward. (I already had boycott Starbucks for obvious reasons). The only reprieve I will tender is to Pearl Jam, who is cool despite their heritage. Other than that, fuck Seattle, fuck, fuck Se-at-tle!

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, the Jets may make the playoffs this year. They need to win their next two games for sure to have a chance. Miami is going to be tough. We'll see what happens, but I am feeling it!
Let's Go Jets!
F the Giants!
The Ravens are so NOT winning the Super Bowl. I see Chargers/Saints (maybe). I wouldn't mind the Saints winning it all if the Jets aren't playing them. I could just see everyone in the 9th Ward celebrating around their TVs, ... oh wait, the 9th Ward is a fucking disaster still and nobody seems to give a shit. Fuck insurance companies and fuck the government for not doing anything to help. At the same token, let's stop building shit in places that get flooded, sink, or are below sea level and depend on a wall to protect them.

Stream of conciousness ... out!

Shea Gadfly said...

If a guy wears a celaphane suit, could you see he's nuts.

I know that's not exactly how it goes but whatever.

I love Ed in Westchester's name...I think it is perfectly non descript enough to make me think about how much I hate Fatso Francessa.

Anyway, I don't like the Jets on the road but I have a pretty strong feeling that someone on Minnesota will probably rape someone between now and Sunday which should be ample fodder for a Jets victory.

Seriously though the Jets don't win when Hanging Chad plays poorly. However he hasn't really had too many back to back weeks of playing bad in his career. For that reason, I think he gets up off the ground,dusts himself off, holds onto the football and leads the J-Men to a thrilling win. This one won't even be close.

Jets 37 Vikadins 17

Shea Gadfly said...

A few more things...

The Giants are a bunch of cum gurgling felchers...

In Seattle, everyone is cool because no one is all that cool.

Pearl Jam aren't from Seattle...they are Canadians. Canada is the only place possibly less cool than Seattle.

People from New Orleans are a bunch of gold bricking whiners. If you are too poor for insurance, you get fucked...but why is it the federal government's responsibility to help them? The people in Louisiana who were smart enough and had foresight either got out or got prepared. You don't hear the people in Florida calling Bush a racist everytime they get hit by a hurricane. Why? Because they aren't a bunch of no good doogans, that's why...They don't blame the federal governement or even their state government (the people in NO are so stupid they re-elected the same retard mayor who left them for Texas the second Katrina hit)...they pick themselves up like Chad and get back to business. If Bush didn't blow up the levies then I'll take the credit for it. It would have been a good idea to clean up all the soot that resides beneath see level.

Call me a racist. Call me insensitive. But those people down there are just pathetic. They weren't prepared. Do not blame the governement for being helpless. The governement is in place to represent us not to provide for us.

Thanks Faker Head for the oppurtunity to blast away...

Smell Ya Later

FiggytheMick said...

Actually, Shea, you are more right than people want to let you know. I work with a guy from there (Cool guy, 6'8" played basketball overseas for years and he hooked me up with four size 15 sneakers from the Denver Nuggets for FREE, but that's a different story).
He said the 9th ward was a total disgrace and the people there deserved the squalor they stewed in. This guy is African-American and he's saying that! No white guy would say that shit in a mixed audience, at least if you're not a comedian.

The guy I played in my FF league had the Seattle defense too. Thank God, he's up 2-0 on me now, here in the first round of the playoffs. He's also got Vick playing the Cowboys so I am rooting for the Dallas D on Saturday.

jet titties said...

Glad Fakehead is posting again. I needed my fix of f-bombs. Fakehead, you're the fucking titties.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

Ok, there are too many topics. Let me give my real two sense. First thing first. And I will do it in fucking Fakehead style:

Jets: The Jets will fucking win this game. They lose the fucking ones they are supposed to win (ie the Bills game) but they win the ones they are supposed to lose (ie the Pats game). So guess what geniuses? Dont give up yet. They just need two lowly wins and they are definately in, pretty much.

Hurricane Katrina: We could buy a house for $30K, fix it up for another $10k and sell it to some dugan for a break even but we've done something to be proud of. You girls in? Make a check of $10K each to Unruly Jets Fan and I will make sure it will be taken care of. You too Jet Titties.

The Giants: I am just glad Eli Manning is not on the Jets. Although I wish we had their back up QB. The guy is about the size of Micheal Strahan. The guy is a fucking monster and I bet he would be good if they were not so policitcally tied to Manning.

Shea Gadfly: Shea, Figger the Dugan notified me and asked if we could change his picture from Wolverine to Big Foot / Sasquatch. Is that something you can take care of. I would but I cannot figure it out.

Fakehead said...

Wow, who would of thought my New Orleans posting would have gotten such a response. Okay, fuck football for one minute. Whether or not they should have evacuated and did not aside for one minute (and I agree that they should have, but some people don't trust the government, don't want to leave the only thing they own in the world - even if it is a piece of shit, etc.), why the fuck were people dying on a fucking highway for days? Why were babies on a fucking highway for days? It ain't the babies' fault their parents are idiots. (I know, I know, I will hear a "What about the children" line from the Simpsons). Just get the people off the roadway. The government's job is get people out of trouble, even if they got themselves into it. (Police, lifeguards, firemen, etc.) So they should have helped the people there, even if they are idiots and didn't leave. I know they did help, but it should have come faster. Shit, we can send 1000 troops to Iraq in a fucking day. We can't get a helicoptor to New Orleans in a couple of hours? It is strange. As for the Ninth Ward, maybe NO is better off it is gone, it doesn't effect me so I don't give a shit. Poor disaster response by the Government, that may effect me one day (although I hope it never does). I'm not talking about a natural diaster, I live in NJ, I'm talking about a man-made disaster.

Regardless, let's just be happy we are smart and have enough cash to live comfortably. That being said, the Giants will never make it to the NFC Championship, not this year at least. Figgy, you must be smoking the good stuff.

The Jets are going to win this week as well. I hope they score over 30.

I thought Pearl Jam was from Seattle. Canada is a fucking joke. F Canada.

Unruly, would you take 10K in cash?

Fakehead said...

Oh yeah, I don't expect the government to provide for me (i.e., welfare) but I do expect to help me out when something big happens that I would never have any control over.

F me, all this talk.

Unruly, don't you post blogs anymore, or are you just a commentor now? (pussy)

Figgy, Jets titties is not a girl. Do you really think that? No girl uses the word "titties" unless they are a black porn star and are in a film trying to get a guy to put his ... well, I better stop while I'm ahead. Unruly's buddies at the NJ Forums website may get offended.

Speaking of, Unruly, the next blog you start, are you going to invite Shea, Figgy and I or will you be doing all the posting. God knows we've already scared away all your fans. I haven't seen Caymus in weeks. Poor Ed from Winchester chimes in and Figgy busts him about his name. (I agree with the Fly that it is a great name).
Sorry Unruly, your foray into the published world will not begin in this venue.

FiggytheMick said...

You are correct Mr. Shiao. I am smoking the good stuff. But that's the only way I can reach into the depths of my mind, astral project to the 10th dimension, view a parrallel Earth (which is actually then future) and come up with such an accurate playoff scenario.

It is very taxing for me though and I can only slip into the trance once a week.

Pearl Jam IS from Seattle, Eddie Vedder is the only one from California recently. And we do have Seattle to thank for a great decade of rock music in the 90's. But the Seabags do suck dick.

I called Jets Titties a girl to provoke he-she. Didn't work apparently.

And fuck the motherfuckin motherfuckers who fuckin fuck mother like fuckers.

Fakehead, I believe it is your destiny to write a political and cultural manifesto. Unruly can slide in there as Minister of the Propaganda, Shea could head your secret police force that answers only to you. You'd track down 7th grade's Ms. Hudson and put her in a gulag for putting you in Siberia, wouldn't you? All poiltical enemies would find themselves in 'protective custody' for 're-education', i.e. shot, burned and buried in a ditch. Your speeches would sell out, you could hold 100,000 people in the palm of your hand with those rants, all the buried, molten rage. The new flag's symbol would look strangely like a faded green, stuffed dinosaur.

Fakehead said...

That shit was funny Miggy. THe laugh - out - loud at your computer like you're a weirdo type of funny. Nice. And yes, I usually am in bed around 11:30 pm, even a weekend (but especially when I'm watching my sister's kids in addition to my own).
By the way, Godzibe is in my son's crib.

Unruly Jets Fan said...

What, did your son climb into your bed and pull Godzibee from your clenching fists? How did he get him away from you?